When People Said They Were Married, It Was An Understatement

Thinking about AOS Mirror!Verse Spirk is fucking me up a little because, canonically, in the prime Mirror!Verse, Spock killed Kirk, tried to reform The Empire, and caused the fall of The Empire in doing so by weakening it to invading parties. This man must regret basically every single thing he did with his life. He thought he was doing the right thing, the logical thing, ensuring the longevity of his world, and all he got was a dead soulmate and a legacy of failure.

And now he’s been granted the chance to tell his younger self to not do any of that. That there’s no saving The Empire from itself, but The Empire doesn’t matter. That killing Kirk would feel like killing himself. That he would regret it every day of his life. That his life will feel so, so content if he just follows this man and his trail of bloodshed through the galaxy.

Torture for him.

Kill for him.

Die for him.

And he will, and he does, and this time when The Empire burns itself out, Spock regrets absolutely nothing.

I think Andrew's desperation to live is a little overlooked in the fandom. It's not explicitly stated in the books, other than his SH scars, but I honestly think it is so important to understanding him and his motivations.

Did Andrew ever plan to live past graduation? Before Kevin came along and promised his life would have worth? Did he plan on disappearing when Aaron eventually walked away from him? Believing nobody would notice if he was gone?

He clung on purely for Aaron, to make sure Aaron had a bright future ahead and could go live without him. To make sure that Nicky could go back to Erik without worry.

Before Neil, Andrew didn't believe he had anything to live for. He made a very one sided deal with Kevin to find something, anything, to build his life around after graduation, believing his brother would leave him alone once again.

Because at the heart of it all, Andrew doesn't want to die. Not really.

Andrew has chronic depression and he is suicidal. He sits on the edges of roof tops to feel. He puts his life on the line again and again with little regard for his own safety. He makes promises that put him at a severe disadvantage.

His promises are what keeps him alive, what forces him to live. Dying would break his promise, and Andrew has suffered enough from broken promises.

He doesn't want to die. He wants to survive those who beat him down. He wants to move on. He wants to get better. He wants to live.

He just doesn't know how.

I'm convinced that Snow was the one who came up with the "rule change" in THG (idc what the movie did with it--they didn't know TBOSAS and it was less than convincing they way they did it).

Just think about it. We start off the Games with Katniss's courageous action volunteering for her younger sister. Then Peeta did something radical. He decided to follow through on his declaration of love to Katniss and did everything he could in the arena to save her. Getting sponsors, teaming up with the Careers, getting Katniss to leave and fighting Cato for her. Can you imagine what that was doing in the Capitol? In the Districts? How could you watch someone do that and not hope for a happy ending, even as Peeta lay dying in the mud, whispering Katniss's name?

And then Katniss teams up with Rue and is devastated by her death. She stays with her, sings to her, until she dies. Bolstered by Peeta's words about not being a piece in their games and finally getting what he means, she decorates Rue with flowers. She honors her life and her unnecessary death. District 11 recognizes this and even though they have another tribute alive in the Games, send Katniss the bread.

In Snow's mind, everything about the games is starting to crack. Young love being selfless, sisterly affection defying the Capitol, comradery fostering between districts. He simply can't let it go on. He has to remind people in the Capitol and the Districts that this is not human nature. He is going to prove that. So he tells Seneca Crane to announce the rule change.

He expects Cato and Clove to make it to the final two. In their new advantage, they will become a deadly, mostly healthy team. Meanwhile, Snow can see that Katniss doesn't hold the same care for Peeta that he does for her (she had tried to kill him with tracker jackers, after all). Even if she goes to find him, she'll abandon him once it gets too hard, too dangerous. The hope of love triumphing will be met with annoyance at his injuries and agreeing to stay behind and not get his medicine. And even if she does, he'll still be too injured to truly be useful.

But things go awry. Thresh saves Katniss because of her kindness to a little girl he, too, saw as a younger sister. He kills Clove, bringing about Cato's wrath. And Katniss Everdeen turns out to be a better actress than expected.

No matter, though--once the rule change is revoked, the truth of the stripped-down human nature will come out. Oh, Peeta will throw out the ravings of a teenage boy high on hormones, but people will remember how awful they truly are when Katniss puts an arrow through his heart. After all, Snow's made that decision before. His lover or himself. Death in the woods or life with riches in the Capitol. It's easy, really, to make that decision. And people will remember even the best among them, even she who willingly risked her life to get medicine or volunteer for her sister, won't avoid killing in order to survive herself.

But Katniss calls their bluff, and Peeta goes along with it. They've chosen to protest the Hunger Games with their deaths. Seneca makes the call to announce two winners. Really, Snow was going to kill him either way. Someone has to be publicly accountable for the place he's in now, and Snow certainly isn't going to take credit for his idea. After this, he tries and tries to get Peeta and Katniss to have to kill each other. The Quarter Quell. The hijacking. But it never works. And not just because of them, but because a whole nation finally stands up and says Enough. We won't let this go on anymore. In the end, Snow was entirely wrong because he never truly understood love.

I dreamed my mother killed me.

She had gotten angry because of something related with my friends, the fight grew and grew until she started screaming and throwing things, i was afraid, of course, but suddenly i started to laugh, because everything was dumb and i was tired and just wanted to sleep, that made my mom even more angry, thinking back at it, i guess this wouldn't really happen, because the cruel side would eventually come out and throwing things isn't the only thing she can do.

I dreamed it was time to go to bed and i was just miserable, but i hadn't cried, just like she would've wanted. After a comment cruel enough, a scream loud enough, a thing throwned strong enough, i lost my sanity, i guess.

I went inside the kitchen and grabbed a knife, i walked up to her and saw confusion in her eyes, with a bit of defiance, maybe; but the knife wasn't for her, i shoved it into her hands and pointed it to my wrist, i said: "You made me, you have the right to destroy me, ¿aren't you tired? Everything can be alright if you move, just a little", and she did, scarlet cascades started falling out of my wrist; seeing this she got alarmed, too late, i just told her: "If you already killed me then let me die in peace, i deserve at least that".

As i was climbing up the stairs, i woke up from my dream, my throat ached but i didn't cry, i just wished that is hadn't been a dream, so a wouldn't have to worry about everything i do, because one misstep and her laugh becomes sharp as a knife, ready to draw blood.

Wouldn't it be a perfect solution? Wouldn't she finally calm down if she threw the punch, if the drew blood? I don't know, i'm tired.

deadpool and wolverine dynamic goes so hard bc despite pretending to give no fucks (wade with his humor & logan with his attitude) they do indeed give a LOT of fucks. the both battle with self worth/esteem issues, they both have unhealthy borderline suicidal tendencies despite not being able to die, they both have/had families they don’t think they deserve. they’re overly violent and brutal and the definition of rated r but they’re also capable of making the choice of ultimate sacrifice time and time again. of such kindness, of holding breakable things gently in their hands (including each others hearts).

oh mirror spock i think of you constantly....... how jealous do you think he was of og spock for having an actual useful, reliable and cute jim kirk. that one talk og jim and mirror spock had before jim went back to og universe..... oh i know mirror spock thinks about it every night. maybe sometimes he gets slightly satisfied that at least, in another universe, he got to have a jim he could love (and one that could love him back)

it's always so fascinating and heartbreaking when a character in a story is simultaneously idolized and abused. a chosen prophet destined for martyrdom. a child prodigy forced to grow up too fast. a powerful warrior raised as nothing but a weapon. there's just something so uniquely messed up about singing someone's praises whilst destroying them.

hey hold on a sec. we talk about what baltimore was like for kevin, neil, andrew, but can we talk about wymack for a second. Can we just.

the year before the twins and nicky signed at psu, two of wymack's foxes, ian and kirk, died in a car crash.

the next year, kevin day broke his hand and went to wymack, the only person he thought would keep him safe.

the year after that, seth gordon, the only surving member of wymack's original lineup, overdosed after he was so nearly clean, and it almost destroyed allison.

months later, andrew was attacked in columbia and committed to easthaven. aaron killed someone. andrew was gone and the others came back shattered.

then neil claims to go home for the holidays, they don't hear from him all of christmas break, and on new years, neil calls him and asks wymack to pick him up from the airport. he's there instantly and god, he looks half-dead. neil sees the 4 tattoo and tries to cut it off his face. all he can say is that he didn't sign to the ravens.

then there's the blood in the locker room. wymack can't push away the feeling that something's getting closer, something is coming to hurt his foxes and there's nothing he can do to stop it.

then. the game at binghamton. neil looks on edge but wymack doesn't ask what's wrong. neil and andrew are above his paygrade. then the riot. he can't see any of his kids in the crush. he finally pulls them all out, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight–

neil's gone. neil's gone and they can't find him. andrew can't find him. neil got taken by someone. what was that like for david wymack? did it feel too familiar? did he look at his kids and think not again, i didn't lose another one again. does it ever scare him. does it terrify him. when aaron came back from the police station in columbia, twenty four hours in holding and he couldn't look wymack in the eye, did he think what if i can't save these kids? when andrew was lying in a hospital bed, too drugged to react, did he think what if i can't give them their second chance? when neil grabbed that knife, when he fell to pieces on wymack's kitchen floor, when he came back to them in baltimore, bloody and broken, did wymack think why am i always too late?

We could do everything right, and they'd still think we were dangerous

- We are not free ; Traci Chee.

As @gunstreet once said, The Apple is Spock’s Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day.