Rosekiller That Casually Rest Their Hand On The Others Crotch. Like, They Will Be Sitting Together, And

I am so sorry but Remus John Lupin was not a sex god. Bro had never even seen a dick until Sirius. He was genuinely a little bit afraid of it the first time (it’s okay, though, because Sirius was very sweet and patient, of course). He thought people kissing in books was wild and sexual. He turned into a tomato and hid his face whenever there was a kiss in movies. He took things so slowly with Sirius that Sirius had to ask if he ever wanted to have it or if he was asexual or something. Then, once he got a taste, he became the most insatiable thing ever, practically begging for it every night.

Oh dear gods, oh dear gods, oh dear gods!

REMUS BLACK USING HIS MAIDEN NAME WHILE TEACHING IN HOGWARTS!!!

And all students are completely confused why no Slytherin dares to act up in his class, mock him or play pranks on him.

No, they are even PROTECTING Professor Lupin, any student that tries something feels the collective wrath of House Slytherin.

One brave Ravenclaw, after thousands of theories started floating around, asks their Slytherin friend why.

The blank stare speaks of a traumatic experience.

"Because one time, before we knew, a Slytherin caused his cane to slip and him to fall. He was laughing, his husband wasn't. That summer every single one of us got chewed out for humiliating the husband of Lord Black. Lord Black himself was so 'kind' to give us some 'lessons on proper behaviour'."

The shudder and glassy eyes were sign enough that nobody wanted to know what happened during those lessons.

(Regulus had and would never seriously harm children, no matter if physically or psychologically, but some humility was never wrong. Remus was laughing his ass off the entire time.)

Drift

Sirius burst into the Gryffindor dormitory after detention and nearly fainted.  

“Moony…” Sirius stammered, his voice cracking. “That’s…that’s mine.”

“I hope you don’t mind,” Remus yawned. He was curled up on Sirius’s bed wearing a pair of red plaid pajama bottoms, gray wool socks and…

And Sirius’s quidditch jersey.

“But…” Sirius’s tongue felt heavy and his brain felt sluggish. He couldn’t make words. He could barely make coherent thoughts.

“Sorry, do you want me to take it off?” Remus asked, sitting up slowly and moving to pull the jersey over his head.

“No!” Sirius said, practically diving across the bed at him. He didn’t know what would be worse for his predicament, seeing Remus in his jersey or seeing Remus without his jersey.

“I just was so tired after my shower,” Remus said sleepily, snuggling back onto Sirius’s pillow. “I couldn’t find my pajama shirt, and your jersey was right on your bed, so I put it on. Then I laid down, and I think I fell asleep, and…I hope you don’t mind.”

Whether or not Sirius “minded” was not really the problem. The problem was how cute Remus looked with the oversized jersey slipping off his shoulder, his fingers just poking out of the too-long sleeves, and the name “BLACK” emblazoned across his back. The problem was how Sirius’s pillow would smell like Remus’s woodsy scent of tea and moss and parchment, and the drowsy rasp of his voice making little shots of electricity fire up Sirius’s spine.

Normally Remus was all sharp sarcasm, standoffish mischief, and dry jokes, but in the days before the full moon, he was constantly exhausted and could drift off to sleep anywhere. His friends joked that he could probably sleep through a dementor attack. The Marauders would often find him curled up asleep in ridiculous spots, like the curve of the stairway up to the dormitory or on a window ledge in Gryffindor tower with his face planted in a book, and Sirius and James would take turns scooping him up and depositing him onto his bed.

Sirius had diligently ignored the bubbling, fizzy feeling he got in his stomach whenever Remus nestled his head into Sirius’s shoulder when he carried him across the dorm or when Remus laughed at one of his jokes at the lunch table. Remus was his friend, a Marauder, and there was no way—no way at all—he’d think about Sirius in any other way.

But now Remus was all adorable in Sirius’s quidditch shirt, laying on his bed, and now he was—no, Merlin, this was terrible—he was motioning for Sirius to come over.

“Spoon me,” he demanded through a yawn.

This was another thing that happened to Remus before the full moon. His usual “don’t touch me, don’t look at me” demeanor melted into a need for constant cuddles. It was James who usually obliged, and Sirius knew it was partly because James was essentially a hug in human form and partly to spare Sirius the mortification of having to snuggle the boy he was trying not to be in love with.

But now, James was in a separate detention with Peter, and Remus was pulling Sirius by the wrist onto the bed, and Sirius had no choice but to kick off his shoes, slot his knees behind Remus’s, and let his arm be dragged across Remus’s waist. Remus sighed contentedly, and Sirius felt the sweet little sound vibrate through his chest, making his skin tingle.

“Can I just sleep here tonight?” Remus mumbled into the pillow. “You’re a better cuddler than James or Pete.”

“Sure, Moony, whatever you need,” Sirius whispered, kissing the back of his head before he even realized what he was doing.

“Tomorrow, too, then,” Remus hummed back.

Well, Sirius thought, it’s official. I am truly screwed.

Written for the @wolfstarmicrofic prompt, "drift"

Voldemort: I have an army. Percy: We have an Oliver whose quidditch pitch was destroyed.

The perfectionist in me wants to die on the 2nd of march at exactly 8:30 in the morning (when I was born) so I go out of this world at the same time I came into it.

Consider, pregnant Remus Lupin, who, instead of getting pregnancy cravings, stops feeling hunger instead. He gets insanely weak stupidly fast because the baby/babies is consuming all the little nutrients that Remus is managing to get in his system. Remus is extremely nauseous 24/7 and ends up getting hospitalised for the majority of the pregnancy getting put on a feeding tube because his body won't physically let him consume any food. His body never really recovered, and he struggled from there on out to ever put weight on again. His already lean figure became unhealthily skinning even though after giving birth, his diet and everything practically went back to normal.

The real reason Regulus and Remus stopped having children, because Regulus was never ever going to risk his lovers' health like that again.

(I was in an angst type of mood, still feeling like I wanna cry)

Need a runaway Hiccup au, where he runs away after the events of the first movie, riders and defenders of Berk. His entire village doesn't know about the whole Toothless thing and has been lying through his teeth for years, how he lost his leg, why he's always tired, why he is barely around.

He still has Stormfly, Hookfang, Meatlug, Barf and Belch they are like his highly coordinated/trained but still stupid and dumb as fuck ride or die gang, they just don't have riders.

He runs away and forms the Edge that slowly gets bigger as he stumbles upon Heather and befriends Dagur again. Also, Viggo survives his attempt of trying to sacrifice himself for Hiccup and joins the small, slightly batshit insane group.

Hiccup teaches Viggo on ways his tribe can thrive without having to harm or sell dragons.

So now Hiccup is leading this even more ragtag group, that is more or less just Viggo trying to keep his sanity while the others keep egging each other on.

The group that he ends up fighting with in the other 2 movies plus a few

That feeling when your ceiling has collapsed and your dad is eating steak that has rubble in it and you ask if he's done anything to cause this and then he tells you some batshit insane stuff about cows and the roof and the door not being big and OH MY FUCKING GOD DID HE BUILD A CRANE???? and btw your uncle is there too chilling (bleeding out) (he was not meant to operate heavy machinery) (at least we now know why)

Hiccup has been having trouble with his prosthetic so Astrid finds a way to help a little