Shifting Content - Blog Posts

Please drop me some shift-stories!! I wanna hear all of it ‎‧₊˚✧

Desprately needing moots who shifted before and can give advice (◍•ᴗ•◍)

~ especially someone who shifted to shameless before ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

The menstrual cycle and letting go

my thoughts and confessions about how periods relates to shifting; nothing is fact

The gel began to warm up against my skin, the blanket covering my chest shielded me from the man giving me the ultrasound. The stick poked at my side, under my breast and then the place where my spleen should have been; I wasn’t born with one. This happens a lot when you come out with a heart defect. The nurse wasn’t looking for a baby but for the beats of my own heart. He sounded embarrassed whenever he told me to move positions or when he left the room, so I could change into a gown. His nature reminded me of when I was in middle school and a boy would agonizingly ask me out because of a dare. After it was done, I peeled the stickers off my body, wiped the gel away, got dressed, and made my way to the room where I was supposed to wait for my doctor. Like usual, the wait was longer than the interaction. She told me everything looked fine, I was healthy, and asked if I was getting regular exercise. After a monotonous conversation about figure skating, my mother's voice chimed in, asking about an IUD.

 Several months ago, I was debating getting one to prevent my period. I get very emotional during my period; it’s all very painful. I scripted them to be very light in my realities, so I wouldn’t have to deal with the tough parts. I was wondering why I still wanted to keep it; I notice many don’t. But I noticed that all my life my view on bleeding was that of a burden. I laughed alongside other women who cursed Eve's name, I groaned with my mother whenever she was on hers, and I never considered the reasons for tracking it. I never looked at it in any positive way.

A month or two ago, the feelings it brought were so heavy the moment I stood, I felt every emotion that I had been burying in me the days prior release from my thighs; I was so sore, like I would crumble. I lay down and cried. Then I started to notice that when I bleed I could feel all the things I’ve held onto leave my body, physically and emotionally. It’s when I noticed this I stopped being shameful of my period and started welcoming it.  Tiny rant: I realized I had a negative view of my period because of the many men who deemed it as sinful and disgusting; something that women should be ashamed of. I didn’t even realize this, and this is coming from someone who regularly deconstructs societal norms; that's how ingrained it was in my mind..sigh 

Before I started regularly shifting, I often held grudges. I never let go of anything anybody ever did to me; good or bad. Now I am not saying that you won’t shift if you do this; I am talking about myself personally. I had heard of the term letting go here and there. In the title of posts I liked to bookmark for later but never actually read, and in Reddit posts about how it changed the way they view shifting. But I never really understood what they were talking about. I had read about this girl who used her dreams to discover her blockages and such, but I didn’t have any intention of working on that. Because frankly, I didn’t think I had any. Ironically, that night I had two dreams about two people wronging me. 

One dream was with my biological father, he was very abusive. After his yelling and hitting, I ran away, climbed a highway wall and ended up walking along a dried-out river taking photos along the way. At the end of the dream, I was talking with my mom in the car. 

The other dream was with my stepfather. My mother was ignoring me and dismissing the fight. In this dream, I acted like a child alongside him. I was screaming like a toddler, throwing a fit because I wasn’t getting what I wanted. I don’t even remember what we were fighting about. But I had woken up from that dream realizing that they only mattered if I had put my energy into them. The problem was fixed when I didn’t pay mind to it, but it remained when I engaged with it. That's when I got it. Letting go isn’t about forcing yourself to forget–it’s about not engaging. I used to have an opinion on these things, but now they’re just people I once knew. When a thought about them pops up, I don’t fight it or feed into it. I just let it come and go. For me, letting go is refusing to dwell on shit that doesn’t matter. You’re choosing to step into a new reality, so why waste energy on one that doesn't serve you? 

It seems to relate, if you think about it in a poetic way. The moment I started understanding what was happening to me during my period, I also understood how my emotions were holding me back. It’s that stage of letting the emotions flow out and then be done with it. Be with them and let them go on their way. I see my period differently than before. I sat on the couch with my mom, it was early, we were the only ones awake. It was when she was talking about how her period came early I interrupted saying I changed my mind; I don’t want an IUD.  It’s natural, my body lives by the phases it produces so why would I want to stop it? Now, I felt that stopping it would do more harm than good, like I wouldn’t have the chance to let go of anything. That all of my burdens would be stuck in my thighs feasting on my legs refusing to let me walk. My grudges that stayed in place long before those two dreams prevented me from the best outcome in this reality. When I started putting my energy into better things instead of past events I received an apology and finally parted ways with another. 

Whenever I have a negative or positive thought about past grievances I don’t fight or feed into it, I let it come and move on. Don't dwell.

shifting storytime l X-files dr

another theme hope my future self likes this one sigh.. The words come easier to me when it's more recent shifts and I remember more so I’ll be writing about this one first. 

𓂅 ֢⊹

I love this dr dearly like most of my homes but there's something about this one that just makes me feel something else. Growing up watching the show made me feel comfort like nothing else. I was laying down on the couch, staring at the ceiling zoning out. I hadn't slept for a while, I had stayed up all night, I want to say it was due to sleeping issues but that would be a lie; I was watching youtube videos all night. And it was too early in the morning for me to fall asleep so I just stayed up for as long as I could. I had the thought about shifting here in my mind for a while so while I was zoning out I had begun to leave this reality. It was like my emotions were there and my senses were here for a while until I was fully there. I was then on my bed laying down, I have a very small but beautiful apartment. I couldn't see him but my s.o was cooking dinner and I remember hearing the sound of the food frying on the pan. I just stayed there for a bit, content that I wasn't moving. For some reason when I shift recently I end up going somewhere in a drastically different movement, I'll be laying down and then moving down a hill very fast. Anyway, I saw the view from my windows, the sun had just set, the summer breeze was drifting in. I felt at peace. At the moment I wasn't working, I scripted that I had previously modeled and then worked for NASA corps. It was pretty mundane at first, I had gotten up hugged my husband, ate, took a shower, and then wrote in my journal. My first few weeks looked like this along with chores, shopping and lots of napping.

My old coworkers' husband worked for the FBI and had offered me a job. I sat and thought about it, at the time I didn't remember this reality so I didn't know what the x-files was or really what I was setting myself up for. He reached out to me again and said he suggested they should meet me. I found it rude that he did that without my word but I would need to find a job soon, nasa's astronaut training was way too tiring to go back, and what else did I have to lose. - I hadn’t scripted any of this, I didn't know how I was going to land being there. I just let my subconscious do the work. I thought this was funny when I came back, so i'm putting it here. -

My husband is an architect working from home. He had finished his day up early that morning we had decided to go swimming. The drive was slow, quiet. The curve of the road was lethargic. This day was one of my favorites here, perfect weather, calm water. It was a good rest before I needed work. 

By late July it was apparent that the rest of my time would be filled with late night car rides, door to door interviews, sunflower seeds, sealed conversations in cheap hotels, blisters from heels and most importantly the most mind-numbing rants from mulder. Haha yeah skinner I'm not gonna make it into work today, I just saw an anomaly....???!!... The first moments of being here felt safe and warm but as I threw myself into my work it melted away into a dark surrealist tone. The dreamlike feeling of the cases, almost ominous, made me feel on edge. Although I fit flawlessly, it felt like I was third wheeling most of the time, a child sitting in the backseat while her parents were bickering. Of course I'm exaggerating but it was a normal occurrence for me to turn up the radio to tune them out. 

Thats all I feel like writing for now I need to study..