Panic Attacks - Blog Posts

Sitting on my couch, nothing at all is happening... I don't work tomorrow... But my heart is racing and so are my thoughts... Wishing I knew how to change my life so that who I am can be who I am, freely expressing and enjoying who I am... So I don't have to worry about the future... So I don't have to have an autopilot for worrying and fear...

People not having panic attacks is such a foreign concept to me. Like... you mean to tell me that you can just go into a noisy, crowded store and just be fine? You can engage in a conversation with multiple people without snapping at them? Weird

I rub the blanket across my cheek, trying to ground myself.

I feel your skin instead burning and intrusive. Grating on me.

I feel like I'm floating. I'm off in a dream.

Experiencing horrors I've already seen.

My breathing is heavy. I try not to scream.

I scrub at my skin. It never gets clean.

Panic attack 2. (Pokémon, Goh angst)

Summary: Okay, the first part was with Scorbunny, now it's with Raboot, (before the apple), so don't expect a lot of comfort. Or any comfort, period.

(This part will either be short or long. I don't know.)

Second time. (Raboot)

”Gah! There are no pokémon here- It's like an abandoned forest!” complained Goh, he sighed. ”Raboot, have you-”

He was about to finish that sentence before noticing that Raboot was walking- not waiting for them. It was not interested in looking for pokémon with his partner.

”Yeah, it is! Like, there's not even any common types!” said Ash. ”Guess, we'll have to part, ei?”

”Yeah, your right,” said Goh, he took out the map and started planning. ”You go right, I'll take the left. We'll meet...”, he searched through the map. ”There!”, and pointed at a location.

”Got it!”, he picked up Pikachu, that started waving. ”See you later!”

He walked away.

(Later)

”Damn, this forest really is deserted,” said Goh, chuckling. ”It's, like, empty. Completely empty.”

His pokémon wasn't listening, Raboot just kept walking in it's normal pace, not even looking back slightly.

Suddenly, quite out of nowhere, he heard a quiet woosh.

”What's that?” asked Goh, getting excited.

Was there something in the bushes?

Oh, how excited he was, maybe it was a grass type, normal type, or ground type?

A pokémon he didn't have just yet?

”Come out!” said Goh. ”If your a pokémon, please, I promise I won't hurt you!”

He walked closer to the bushes, wondering what pokémon could be hiding behind there.

”Raboot, could you wait? Please, there's something here, and it can be really cool, can I just see?”

Luckily, Raboot stopped, and looked at him for a short while.

”Raboot.”

He smiled at Raboot, before turning his attention back to the bushes.

He stepped closer slightly.

And he assumed, that he in some way frightened it, because the pokémon jumped up, and backed away quickly.

In front of him was a white pokémon with a horn, it's tail and mane was made out of fire.

It was a rapidash.

And, normally, Goh would have wanted to catch it... But, he couldn't.

Not that he didn't want to, he did!

But he couldn't, he couldn't... He couldn't move.

It was like his legs were stuck in quicksand.

A familiar feeling settled in his gut, a feeling he had wanted gone.

’No, I can't, I haven't had one in so long...’

That was true, he hadn't had one since Raboot, as Scorbunny, witnessed it.

And that was so long ago.

”Raboot?”

It was probably confused why his partner hadn't caught the pokémon yet, that could run away any second.

”I-I,”

He couldn't speak.

A sob was threatening to escape his lips any second, and then any dam that he had left would break.

”Boot!”, it seemed the pokémon was trying to remind him of rapidash.

”I can't...”

Miguel had a rapidash, that he used to torture Goh, to bully him.

Miguel didn't care about other things, he was cold, and did anything. He didn't care that Goh used to beg and cry for him to stop, to tell rapidash to stop using it's abilities on him.

But he never listened.

Goh will always remember that sick smirk he always had.

Always.

He felt a kick at his leg, it was a rock.

In front of him was Raboot, that was looking at him strangely.

”Raboot- Ra?”

It seemed it was trying to ask Goh if it was happening again.

All he could do was nod.

Raboot wasn't stupid, even if he denied, it wouldn't believe him.

It stepped closer to him, and stood under him, it was leaning against his right leg, holding it.

That was the most physical affection Raboot had gave him since- Well, since it evolved.

(Even later, I know I'm lazy)

It was long- Longer than it should have been.

He was at his and Ash's meet-up location.

But Ash wasn't there yet.

Raboot was standing next to him with a reasonable distance.

”Goh!” said a voice happily, it was Ash.

”Ash! Hey!”

”So, did you find any pokémon? Sadly, I didn't... But did you?” asked Ash curiously.

He was quiet, rethinking what to say.

”No, I didn't.”

As Long as Your Vessel Lives

author:

lameykindaworld

summary:

“Arahabaki, so be it my god for whom I shall dedicate my life. I will devote my being to you for as long as your vessel lives. You and he shall be my dedication, and without, I will cease to exist.” He quietly added, “Please, let him live.”

(or: Dazai worships Arahabaki as a way to keep Chuuya safe)

memories fade (fears don’t)

author:

DeviBlue

summary:

“You refused to take the mandatory swim test,” Mori said suddenly. Chuuya lifted his head up at the sudden topic change. “Are you afraid of water, Chuuya-kun?”

Chuuya didn’t like where this was going. “No, sir.”

A small ‘ah’ of understanding left Mori’s mouth. “So just afraid of being submerged then?”

His heart skipped a beat. “N-no, Mori-san.”

Mori chuckled. It felt like a death sentence. “Don’t lie to me, Chuuya-kun.”

OR

Mori knows Chuuya's worst fears and uses them as punishment.