Try Stuff. Put Plants In Your Room Even If You Aren’t The Best At Caring For Them. Attempt That Dessert

Happy new year you all! 💛 I wish you all a good start to the year, and I hope these chibirds can help you re-center your values and provide some positivity and motivation! You don’t have to be perfect - let’s just do the best that we can!

2020 Year of Motivation Calendar! ✨

tips n tricks for cool kids Add your own tips if you got em!

“In that way, you’ve acknowledged that you’re unsure, that you don’t know what to do or say. You’ve acknowledged that you see them. They feel seen. They feel heard and acknowledged, which is huge for someone who’s in crisis.” Wentworth Miller | Q&A at Oxford Union | 2016 | x

This is the most amazing feeling, it really truly is. And when you find a person who gives you that experience, you’ll want to hold onto them forever.

But although you might consider them magical, it isn’t really coming from them. It’s you. You brought something real into world, out into the open, and that is a powerful act. You enabled that moment of truth and vulnerability and healing to occur. It couldn’t have happened without you: your choice, your courage, your presence.

So that person isn’t the only source of acceptance, resonance, and true connection. Because you carry the potential for it with you, every day.

And there are many amazing people in the world. People who will respond with warmth and steadiness to your dark secrets and your truths -- if you can dare to show them.

Learning to receive that from a variety of people is ... difficult. And beautiful, and empowering. It means learning to let them in, to let in the love that’s around you.

avpd concept: I tell someone everything I’ve been too afraid to say my entire life and they don’t think I’m a monster. They don’t run away. They stay. And that means I can finally stop running, too

AvPD theory: social perfectionism

Avoidance as social perfectionism.

“This relationship will be doomed from the start ... so there’s no point trying to make friends.”

“I’ll inevitably say stuff wrong and make things awkward ... so there’s no point in starting a conversation.”

“I might be having a good day, but I won’t always be energetic, clever and likable ... so there’s no point in reaching out.”

These examples share some common links:

negative self-esteem

avoidance of anxiety/discomfort

seeking control and certainty

trying to meet others’ expectations, or avoid disappointing them

Thoughts, anybody?

(more here!)

Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I'm almost certain I have AVPD and I'd like to explain it to my parents, since they've gotten upset over symptoms of AVPD that I've expressed and I want to tell them why I act like that. But they don't really think that PDs are a thing that exists. so how could I explain it to them so that they understand? thank you in advance !!

Hi there anon!

Wow, there’s a lot to unpack here. The most important is probably:

What you want to accomplish by telling your parents

What your relationship with your parents is like

Would you mind sharing a bit more about the situation? You can write more in asks, submit something or just message me, that works too! (And don’t worry, I won’t publish your username either way <3)

Or if you aren’t comfortable with that, I’ll see what advice I can scrounge up as-is =)

“Find out what makes you kinder, what opens you up and brings out the most loving, generous, and unafraid version of you―and go after those things as if nothing else matters. Because, actually, nothing does.”

— George Saunders

Apologies for the format and need to zoom, but I thought this response was wonderful

when you realize every action you’ve ever taken has been to make sure you occupy as little space in the world as possible, even your lunch order

i just wanted to say that your response to the post about finding a job if you have avpd was so incredibly helpful to me. I was getting really down on myself for not being able to go out and "just get a job" like everyone else, and this trulu helped me. thank you so much for giving me insight and hope for the future. You're awesome (im sorry im shy and on anon)

Aw! You are so welcome, friend. Thanks for taking the time to let me know!

It’s really hard to live in a society that says a person’s value depends on their being “useful” – as if there’s even a way to say someone is objectively useful. Not everyone is able to function that way, and we are still just as worthy as anyone else.

I just want to reassure you (& everyone who struggles with mental health) that Yes, this is super extra hard for us – other people make it look easy *because for them, it IS easy.* If life was a video game, we’d be playing it in “Hard” mode.

We shouldn’t ever be ashamed of our lives. It might not look like other people’s success, but it’s OUR success, and it counts. <3