A Lonely Nye (third In A Row)

Howl and Sophie <3

Timelapse video and lineart download will be available on patreon!

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“All of a sudden two decades have passed and you still have not kissed anyone with tongue, or kissed anyone at all for that matter, or had a 3 AM conversation with someone who would rather look into your eyes for ten minutes straight than talk. You have never worn a lover’s sweater or “forgotten” it at home in your bedroom just so you would have an excuse to see them again. You have never even stood face-to-face with someone who makes your hands shake so hard it feels like they’re both having a separate anxiety attack. This causes you much guilt and self-blame and sadness but above all, an overwhelming curiosity. Are you really that ugly, that unwanted, that uninteresting, that boring, that no one, absolutely no one, has ever looked at you like the only thing on earth? The answer is no. The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is “wondering what it’s like to meet someone like you,” and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot-‘em-up drug, and they’re just about ready to inject it into someone else’s bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen. At times you felt so lonely you could stand at the edge of a cliff with nothing beneath you but air and grass and a long, long way down, and you’d still feel emptier than that canyon itself. Maybe you even danced with yourself alone in your room a few times, arms outstretched around a ghost, pretending someone else’s hands were on your waist, someone else’s eyes boring into yours. Or maybe you fell temporarily in love with strangers on public transportation, fell in love with anybody who so much as accidentally brushed your hand on the way past. For you, falling in love with dozens of people a day was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return. But people are not eggs and falling in love with a dozen of them does not mean your shell will remain uncracked. One day you’re going to hit the point where you’re so desperate for human contact that you’re going to snap in half and all your love will bleed out like egg yolk. But someone out there is eating a bowl of Ramen noodles right now, or putting on slippers, or settling into bed. They are doing all the normal things that you’ve done in your own life. They are just like you. They have cellulite and extra fat in all the wrong places and goals and fears and doubts and bad handwriting. The truth is that they are just like you, and being just like you, they’re looking for a lover too. They’re what you might call a soulmate. They think they’re all alone in feeling the way they do, but you’re really both two halves of a whole. And one day you’ll meet them, bump into them on the street, and your two halves will be put together, and you’ll make one.”

— Writings For Winter - For Twenty Year-Olds who have never been loved  (via beepboopboopbeep)

yoou guys wont be laughing when i suddenly collapse unconscious and have to be taken to the hospital. then youll all see <- normal thought process to have while doing anything i dont want to

Some warm poetry, for cold evenings:

Molly Fisk, “Winter Sun” (We can make do with so little / just the hint of warmth, the slanted light.)

Pat Schneider, “The Patience of Ordinary Things” (It is a kind of love, is it not? / how the cup holds the tea.)

Barbara Ras, “Bite Every Sorrow” (You can speak a foreign language, sometimes / and it can mean something.)

Jack Gilbert, “Failing and Flying” (Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew.)

Lisel Mueller, “Things” (Even what was beyond us / was recast in our image; / we gave the country a heart, / the storm an eye)

Rabindranath Tagore, “On the Seashore” (The sea plays with children, and pale gleams the smile of the sea-beach / On the seashore of endless worlds children meet)

John O’Donohue, “Matins” (May I live this day / Compassionate of heart / Gentle in word / Courageous in thought)

Wallace Stevens, “The House Was Quiet and The World Was Calm” (The summer night is like a perfection of thought. / The house was quiet because it had to be)

Brian Patten, “Inessential Things” (Cats remember what is essential of days)

Emily Dickinson, “Simplicity” (How happy is the little stone / that rambles in the road, alone)

Yi Lu, “Valley’s Green” (flowers like tiny saucers — little bowls — little cups / filled to the brim with their own colors)

Jacques Prévert, “How to Paint a Bird’s Portrait” (When the bird comes / if it comes / observe the most profound silence)

Archibald MacLeish, “Eleven” (Happy as though he had no name, as though
 / He had been no one: like a leaf, a stem,
 / Like a root growing…)

Denise Levertov, “A Woman Alone” (Then / self-pity dries up, a joy / untainted by guilt lifts her. / She has fears, but not about loneliness)

Richard Brautigan, “Your Catfish Friend” (I’d love you and be your catfish / friend and drive such lonely / thoughts from your mind)

Linda Gregg, “The Letter” (I’m not feeling strong yet, but I am taking
 / good care of myself)

Andrew Lang, “Ballade of True Wisdom” (And I’d leave all the hurry, the noise, and the fray, / For a house full of books, and a garden of flowers)

Ada Limón, “The Raincoat” (my whole life I’ve been under her / raincoat thinking it was somehow a marvel / that I never got wet.)

Jorge Luis Borges, “The Just” (These people, unaware, are saving the world)

Wendell Berry, “The Peace of Wild Things” (I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.)

‘am i Having A Brain Problem or Being a Shithead’: a short procrastination checklist

aka why tf am i procrastinating on The Thing (more like a flowchart, actually)

lots of people who have executive function difficulties worry about whether they’re procrastinating on a task out of laziness/simply wanting to be a jerk or mental struggles. this checklist might help you figure out which it is at any given time! (hint: it’s almost never laziness or being a jerk.) (obligatory disclaimer: this is just what works for me! something different might work better for you.)

1) do I honestly intend to start the task despite my lack of success?

yes: it’s a Brain Problem. next question

no: it’s shitty to say one thing & do another. better be honest with myself & anyone expecting me to do the task.

2) am I fed, watered, well-rested, medicated properly, etc?

yes: next question

no: guess what? this is the real next task

3) does the idea of starting the task make me feel scared or anxious?

yes: Anxiety Brain. identify what’s scaring me first.

no: next question

4) do I know how to start the task?

yes: next question

no: ADHD Brain. time to make an order of operations list.

5) do I have everything I need to start the task?

yes: next question

no: ADHD Brain lying to me about the steps again, dangit. first task is ‘gather the materials’.

6) why am i having a hard time switching from my current task to this new task?

i’m having fun doing what i’m doing: it’s okay to have fun doing a thing! if task is time-sensitive, go to next question.

i have to finish doing what i’m doing: might be ADHD brain. can I actually finish the current task or will I get trapped in a cycle? does this task really need to be finished?

the next task will be boring/boring-er than the current task: ADHD brain. re-think the next task. what would make it exciting? what am I looking forward to?

I might not have enough time to complete the task: ADHD brain wants to finish everything it starts. (if task is time-sensitive, go to next question)

i just want to make the person who asked me to do it angry: sounds like anxiety brain trying to punish itself, because I know I’ll be miserable if someone is angry at me. why do i think I deserve punishment?

no, I seriously want to piss them off: okay, i’m being a shithead

7) have I already procrastinated so badly that I now cannot finish the task in time?

yes: ADHD brain is probably caught in a guilt-perfection cycle. since I can’t have the task done on time, i don’t even want to start.

reality check: having part of a thing done is almost always better than none of a thing done. if I can get an extension, having part of it done will help me keep from stalling out until the extension deadline. i’ll feel better if I at least try to finish it.

no, there’s still a chance to finish on time: ADHD brain thinks that I have all the time in the world, but the truth is I don’t. 

reality check: if i’m having fun doing what I’m doing, I can keep doing it, but I should probably set a timer & ask someone to check on me to make sure I start doing the task later today.

8) I’ve completed the checklist and still don’t know what’s wrong!

probably wasn’t honest enough with myself. take one more look.

if I’m still mystified, ask a friend to help me talk it out.

hope this helps some of you! YOU’RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE DON’T GIVE UP ON YOU

non-confrontational cowboy that wont turn around after the 10 paces

tips for future and current psych majors from a psych major

know that psychology isn’t just having someone sit on a couch and talk about their feelings. there’s research, psychiatry (the more chemistry side of psych), music therapy, clinical psychology, counseling psychology, and so. much. more.

figure out your final goal. there are literally hundreds (ok i may be exaggerating) of different fields within psychology, so work backwards

do some research and determine a couple fields of psych that you may want to get a job in after you graduate. there’s research, therapy, clinical psychology, school psychology, etc. it doesn’t have to be one final choice, it could be more than one, but it’s good to narrow it down to a few and have an idea for your top choice.

take classes related to the fields you’ve chosen to help you get a better understanding of what your future career would be like, and from there figure out which class’ material you liked the best (material. not the best teacher). this will help you narrow down to your top choices and help you feel more confident in your goals.

know that you don’t really have to choose until maybe your 3rd or even 4th year of college. and even then, you don’t really have to choose until after you graduate and are looking for a job, but having a field in mind will help you feel more prepared for life after college

know that there is a lot of memorization. parts of the brain, different emotions, diseases, ground breaking studies; you will need to memorize all of these things. flash cards will become your best friend when memorizing this stuff.

brain diagrams are everywhere. a lot of psychology crosses over into neurology, and you’ll have to learn what specific parts of the brain are responsible for different functions. it helps to draw out these diagrams and color code them for each section of the brain. they don’t have to look pretty. an oval with a vertical line going down the middle is good enough to get the general idea of a brain.

expect big class sizes. 100 and 200 level psychology courses are common electives among non-psych majors, so know that a lot of your classes in your first year or two will most likely be lecture classes, meaning you’ll have to do the majority of the learning on your own. this is when it’s very important to hold yourself accountable for your learning and to study on a regular schedule.

take part in experiments if you can. pretty much every college has student-run research experiments that you can be a subject in (and sometimes they’ll pay you to participate). be a participant in as many as you can. not only are they fun and interesting, but they’ll give you a better understanding of what to expect in higher level courses.

know that your professors are there for you. most psych professors are the nicest people you’ll ever meet. and since they’re experts in psychology, they understand the stress you are under and they are typically more than happy to answer questions or even just be an ear to listen while you vent.

if you can, get ahead in your classes. look ahead in your text books, get notes from people who have already taken the class before, or just watch psych videos like Crash Course to familiarize yourself with stuff you’ll probably need to learn at some point. and this goes for every class/major. it’s a very easy way to not feel like you’re drowning when you have a difficult class. (i’m more than happy to share some of my psych notes with anyone! message me and i can send you some of my notes if you want!)

use yourself as a reference. a big part of psychology is personality and behavior, and you yourself are a prime example of a personality. take personality quizzes and find out more about yourself the help you learn why you are the way you are. it will give you a better understanding of how the brain works and it may help you make connections in some topics. (click here for one of my new favorite personality tests app)

if you have any questions, feel free to message me and ask! i’m an educational psycholgy (major) and special education (minor) student, and i’m going to start taking graduate level classes in a year to get a masters in educational psych, so hopefully i’ll be able to answer your questions to the best of my ability. and if not, hopefully i’ll at least be able to point you in the right direction! love you guys! - sam xx

 they both have no sense of direction…. it was fate