For Now, It's The Sort Of Winter That Freezes The Tip Of Your Nose But Does Nothing To Your Bones.

i think ive realized that true understanding settles into you. like when you truly understand, and not just say that you do, but when you truly understand, it comes with that oh moment. when what would've previously lingered, won't weigh on you anymore. and this feeling, it is as beautiful as it is rare.

Calm dear heart, calm.

You've weathered storms before.

You'll weather this one too.

Calm dear heart, calm.

You're not selfish for protecting your own heart.

You're not cold for honoring your limits.

You're not unloving for needing space to breathe.

You’re healing.

And every time you choose yourself, even through guilt, you teach your brain a new language:

Love doesn’t mean abandoning myself.

Love can include me.

And my love includes me.

btw, it's called the soldierhood of love.

something so sacred about a heart returning to its origin.

I won't paint you as fully healed because your beauty lies in the process, not perfection.

Just because an animal has scales doesn't mean you get to trample on it.

Thoughtful and gentle and sweet. Wild and reckless and loud. Emotions and words and actions.

Time is unraveling and it's terrifying.

I'm now realising that maybe I will never find a me for me. But maybe that was never the point. Maybe I was supposed to be that me for myself. All along, I had me. All along, I was too busy searching for myself, outside of myself. Maybe this time I'll be the me for me. Maybe this time, I'll be loved the way I wish to be loved.

that's it, i want a me for me.

at this point, ill take her for the still healing soul she is. but oh to have her, i want to experience just that.