One day, the US military decided to take a poll to see how the different branches handle a specific situation, in this case a scorpion in a service member’s tent. One representative from each major branch is selected, and each answers privately.
The question was a simple one: “There is a scorpion in your tent. What do you do?”
Army: “I would crush it with my boot and throw it outside.”
Navy: “I would pick it up by the tail and throw it outside.”
Marines: “I’d bite its head off before cooking and eating it.”
Air Force: “I’d call down to the front desk and ask why there’s a tent in my hotel room.”
Me: "I really love how my health anxiety has gone away these past several months, I hope I never have to deal wi-"
Completely innocuous rash on foot:
Bonjour.
Me:
Me:
Me: fuck.
your poor little meow meow fucking bit me
Ares: BEST CHRISTMAS EVER
I must hand them over.
your ligaments
How do professors feel when they make an exam that is too long?
I just came out of one and NOT A SINGLE PERSON finished it in time. Like, he said, "Five minutes left," and I'm just sitting there thinking, "THE FUCK YOU MEAN FIVE MINUTES? I HAVE THREE PAGES LEFT." Followed by me looking around and realizing that everyone else is still here, also stressed out.
What if you were leaving someplace after getting in an argument with some guy and while you were leaving he shouted "I fucking hate you and I hope it takes you forever to get home and I hope your car breaks down and when you finally get home I hope there's a bunch of guys there eating your food and trying to fuck your wife" and then it all happened exactly like that
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