Scorpion In Your Tent 

Me: "I really love how my health anxiety has gone away these past several months, I hope I never have to deal wi-"

Completely innocuous rash on foot:

Bonjour.

Me:

Me:

Me: fuck.

your poor little meow meow fucking bit me

Ares: BEST CHRISTMAS EVER

Epic the Musical: Tournament Bracket!

Week 1: Match 8

I must hand them over.

your ligaments

A Very Smol Spamtong does a [Big Sniff.TM]

How do professors feel when they make an exam that is too long?

I just came out of one and NOT A SINGLE PERSON finished it in time. Like, he said, "Five minutes left," and I'm just sitting there thinking, "THE FUCK YOU MEAN FIVE MINUTES? I HAVE THREE PAGES LEFT." Followed by me looking around and realizing that everyone else is still here, also stressed out.

What if you were leaving someplace after getting in an argument with some guy and while you were leaving he shouted "I fucking hate you and I hope it takes you forever to get home and I hope your car breaks down and when you finally get home I hope there's a bunch of guys there eating your food and trying to fuck your wife" and then it all happened exactly like that

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