Brand New Video Drop! You Can See Me Talking To The Camera & Discussing Things Very Candidly

Here's a Vacuum powered can that uses simple tech to make it work. Tech that's been around forever & costs less than them, which got me angry enough to make the video b/c there's no way they don't know! No damn way!

Got angry about pissy little bitch baby millionaires ruining the chance of progress on better cars & engines for air powered cars

Left a link in the description about one of my air powered car ideas that blows theirs out of the water like it was done by some actual kids that had no idea what they were doing! Let alone this basic engine that would outperform them.

My votes in the upcoming election from Apache county Arizona

New video dropped! 🎉🤙

Like & subscribe, please comment & share it so I can grow.

It goes over some astronomy things

So, I've got a housing situation going on & while I don't have earned income & nothing has changed from last year, I am suddenly being asked to pay rent, while I'm working on ssi as well... My medical expenses are high these days too & the help my parents give will be removed if this happens

They can't afford it.

I've got to get my meds in Pinetop, AZ & other appointments can't be gotten to every time through medex, ahcccs medical transport, which means I cover the gas cost, maintenance, repairs, and all insurance costs for me to get my meds & to my appointments.

Well, my parents do, they give me the money for no work. They hold money for chores I might help them with and directly pay for other items I may need.

Doing rough calculations, it's ~144$ for gas for a year to get my meds. Which is based off of a $3 gas with a 25mpg vehicle. But it averages worse than that and I have to take my dog with me so I can even do it, and weather conditions plus traffic mean I'm probably off by a decent amount. Then for the last year I've had to pay insurance which equals roughly 700+$ then gas to oil changes, needed new tires & wheels, together with an air filter which means over a 1k (grand) for repair & maintenance. Then there are other appointments which sometimes medical transportation doesn't cover, which is my insurance which is direct out of pocket medical expenses not covered by them which is (I remember this being an thing for no or low income paperwork as well) that means an interview that I missed over the phone for food stamps had to mean I had to drive to Phoenix and back to setup a new one because they had no one at the showlow office and despite calling all day until I was standing in the line no one picked up.

That's like 40$ in gas just to keep food stamps that run out every month, even with coupons. Same for my insurance renewal. My neurology appointment, or something I had to go to in Mesa Az for, because my insurance isn't covered everywhere up here and I have to be referred otherwise it's not covered, same for most meds. They need prior authorization for, it seems like, every single one of them. Several right now have that issue & I gave up trying to ask my primary care.

Honestly, it would be closer to 3k in total for a year, for total out of pocket medical expenses. Like needing to got to walmart to get injector cleaner for my vehicle, the gas & the price of them add up, just like the oil modifiers, the same for the coolant modifiers so the head gasket remains good. Then to do those drives is close to 120 miles, but I have to do that for certain months several times. Which adds up, why I needed the new tires. Its a used car, that has over 130k on it, so I have to get the oil meant for older engine vehicles, just like the injectors. The wheels needs a wheel hub ring & that cost a chunk of change, but I had to get a new one because the plastic, I think, might wear out over time.

I paid for more, in just meds, this year than I did last year. Nothing has changed other than my parents just give me money into my account, instead of directly paying for it themselves. So I can be more independent & truthfully its extremely hard to have a person constantly needing something & having to ask you for it, all the time. It makes it seem like you are always needy & it causes a lot of problems.

Which, then my income is fully something that gets removed by my parents anytime something comes up they don't like. It's not a real income, it's not an earned income, they are just gifted help income. Which can and has been removed many times, used against me, and even made to force mee and abuse me. But I like having clean clothes, laundry detergent is nice. They fully emailed to her, that yes they are absolutely going to stop covering my expenses if I end up having to pay a rent. Which means, no matter what I would have to redo the entire packet & bank statements, & everything again because the "expected income, earned income, & income" is all now gone.

Amanda Thomas, don't know if you know her but she's the one that did my stuff, kept saying my medical expenses from my pharmacy I have to drive to in pinetop-lakeside, az didn't give the total money I paid (just the prices of them) to her. But that's exactly what the sheet they printed said, the prices I paid. I emailed her, letting her know that the pharmacist told me over the phone its just above the signature of the pharmacist to the right. The "prices" column is actually "prices paid". Those are the prices I paid. But, hey, its no big deal I say, I email her & say the pharmacist has a release of information thing & they can just call to confirm it, but also I even say hey I'll join in on the call & make sure its understood that's what that means.

Nothing. Actual nothing. I have to email on Monday & she says she's working on it. A little while later, suddenly I have an amendment to my lease agreement saying I have to pay a rent, that I can't afford & have no income for, that my housing voucher doesn't cover.

No one explains anything, we could have talked & emailed several times & left a message. Nothing.

That was today.

Amanda had those papers for like a month! I even stated that those were the prices I paid & it could be confirmed via my bank statements for 3 months as those are the dates & times for those prices I paid. Nope, they aren't!

My guess is she really didn't want me to actually have my expenses accounted for. Or she didn't put them in, thinking that they weren't the expenses. Either discrimination because I've been here this long & haven't managed to get ssi & or whatever fucking rumor it is that's going on. Or, she's lazy. Well, looks like it.

It would be criminal to not include the gas & vehicle stuff I need to have as a part of my medical expenses because its not covered by my insurance in those moments & I have to have it to do anything with doctors & or medications.

Meanwhile, the clinic I go to had a doctor, psychiatrist, trying to treat me that was trying to get Spravato (ketamine) delivered to my apartment. I medication that requires you to go to a medical office to be given. I, literally, did not know that until later when another psychiatrists told me that's how its supposed to be administered. I was trying to figure out something with this specialty pharmacy thinking things felt weird & I didn't understand something. She apparently, while treating me & was actively attempting to get this prior auth done for this med & all these other meds, says I'm "malingering" & it tanks my entire 3 years of effort to get on ssi. Never said a word, not to tony, to ruby, to me, to no one.

I had no idea, my lawyers had no idea. It was a shock to tony when I called her. She didn't see me again, then dipped out & stopped working at little colorado behavioral health.

My 5 times in inpatient, long periods of homelessness, court ordered treatments (2), the numerous medications I tried from ssri, snri, tricylics, tetracylics, triptylines, 1st, 2nd, & 3rd generations of anti-psychotics & a-typical anti-psychotics, the numerous mood stabilizers, to even trying alternative treatments with cannabis & psychedelics (which actually helped more than anything else, go figure) which I stopped a long while ago because its not consistent & the help provided wasn't liked by doctors even though it helped me more than the prescriptions I took.

I have an extensive history of medications from when I was a kid, teen, young adult, & adult. I Lisa Green is the psychiatrist that said I was malingering. I had a power tripping shitwad doctor, abdallah something from change point, who barely saw me, wouldn't accept I was voluntarily inpatient like I told the people in summit regional, which they got my weight, height, eye color, hair color all wrong & said I was a danger to others. I said it loud enough to them & others around I wanted to go to inpatient because I knew something was wrong by that point & I was clearly having an episode. Nope, says them & the psychiatrist there, even with my lawyer fighting me. Hamblin, forgot the first name.

Anyways, he's the one that said as well that the judges & police couldn't charge me those misdemeanors (episode again landed me there) where I disturbed the peace & stuff like that, thanks to I went to SMI court (diagnosed severely mentally ill, been for like almost a decade) & went to trial over that. But they had me having to go all the way over there, eagar az court house, when I was in a homeless shelter (its a mission in holbrook az) thats like 3 hours away, my mother bailed me out on that one because there was literally no way to do that. Just wanted me to go to jail, be the "im tough on crime douche fuck that isn't actually removing any crime & I actively help make it worse" judge.

temu brand douche rudy loves him i guess....apa...apario...some gabagoo fuck.

i dunno. anyways.

I don't know what changed, my parents where helping me out the same way. The money in my account or directly paid for it, its not a difference. Legally even, its a civil thing where its not considered an actual earned income thanks to how its not contractually a thing & there is not expectation of it continuing. at all, they can just say no, then its a civil suit to get it, that costs more in lawyers fees than what you'll get. So no, its actually never considered real, earned income.

Which, is why I was stating also discrimination. It seems targeted. I know we had the thing with my engines, apparently the doctor decided to up & leave after tanking my ability to get ssi, then a doctor abdallah says (after never really meeting me & even the nurses hating him together with every patient in there) I'm not voluntary, as well as saying I'm borderline which means I'm all the sudden fighting all my meds (dr lisa green & him talking together she tells me in the appointments we have, which when did I sign that ROI) but the psychiatrist (dr lisa green) who primarily treats adhd (which I have) knows about paradoxical & a-typical responses to medications.

Which is why adhd meds help us adhd people.

No way that's happening with all of those other medications.

NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!~ /s

Already diagnosed treatment resistant. I wonder if that doesn't help? Fuck wondering, I know it doesn't. Then, from there, I end up having none of that matter? The person handling where I live, amanda thomas, doesn't ask, doesn't follow up, doesn't anything & just says here I've ended your ability to live here with us because I know your parents wont cover anything anymore.

From a power tripping doctor in my inpatient, a judge that had to throw out charges because I already went through court, to a psychiatrist who admitted to talking about my medical history without an ROI with a previous doctor, & then tanked my ability to get SSI, then after emailing amanda thomas this information & the history suddenly I'm being kicked out. In a direct, but not so direct way. That's a conspiracy & discrimination from a rural town area & county. I have a great case, honestly. Too bad, they all lock down & hate medical malpractice together with vendettas making up (for whatever reason that dude has, geez, I mean I called him out for having an ego getting challenged & then on top of it showing off that even my lawyer says I'm voluntary & you could do the work from the regional medical center & how half of your staff says I'm not a danger with even the prosecution (as stated by my lawyer after the fact, over the phone, never know maybe I can get that record & or recording if there is one) saying they don't know why I didn't get court ordered treatment removed because I didn't present as that. Literally sounds like a bunch of people going after me, all having one weird reason or another to do so) the majority of reasons for why they wanted to do it.

"take him down" Is what I imagine whatever talks they had would be like that. Granted, I'm just living life & not doing anything, so i'm not sure what there is to take down. What, is it because I'm smart & handsome? White? Well spoken? Suddenly that means I can't be a person that has issues? I literally had a therapist, phone therapy, say why do you need therapy you are too smart for therapy. Thanks little colorado behavioral health!

Luckily they left them, after 2-3 sessions over the phone with me. they were, i think, my 2 or 3 therapist. I had them for a very short period of time. Are they all paranoid of me because of how smart I am, so that must mean I'm always lying? That smart & I couldn't be conning others & making money like trump? I'm willing to lie about my issues, for this long!!!!! Lisa Green, I'm not Munchausen at that point? sounds like by proxy of all the doctors & people who consistently get weirdly jealous of me & then need to say they found out the biggest liar!!! Just the largest liar there is, apparently, for decades just lying & now they are the super smart ones that found out the biggest things that are sooooo much more impressive than others.

Doctors going, "pay attention toooo meee!!!!" Munchausen by proxied person I am over here.

What is it about me that makes all of you jealous? Honestly?

They think I have an income, I don't. I must have money stored away, I don't. I have a....what a Secret identity & I'm now a billionaire that rules the world?!?!!?!?!? How are they not the paranoid schizophrenics in need of the help. Was it a stupid rumor? Did you believe something without doing the necessary work, before you acted on it? Honestly, I want to know.

I fucking do honestly believe I would have an amazing case here for discrimination & possibly intentional malpractice. Leading to lost earning from even ssi, housing that I might not have gotten, I mean I have no idea how far that really goes.

I needed to vent. Today was a shitty day. My ssi phone interview happened & I put down a wonderful (but I don't see them anymore, but they were likely the best therapist I ever saw but then apparently after going inpatient & leaving a message to have another appointment with him he decided to never call back & I took that to mean he didn't want to see me again thanks to the stigma of going inpatient) therapist I saw in the past Earnest Ford. I saw he was still practicing. He made me believe I had a shot of working my problems out & getting to be normal. I didn't have that happen, but still. *shrugs* what can you do? & the neurology department in banner health that I go to for my chronic migraines. Both brought up some triggers because when I was trying to work on myself back then I believed it could get better. It hurt a bit to do it.

Then, hey, I know that you know (ruby) I saw what was written on the paper & that you now how to pay rent & I'm looking cheeky & oooooh whaaats that?? Strange? Was a kinda fuck you to a degree. Like, dude you don't even have another case manager for me (what is it the 13th-15th in 3 years) & you acting like its such a great thing I'm getting fucked over.

I would be right there with you, if i was making money from a job & could support myself. It would be awesome to pay rent, I'd love to be normal like you. You knew & played it in that little box you stay inside of 2 times or whatever it is that its opened to the public, your patients, a week it is. You have a great time, managing almost no one because your churn rate is so high that you couldn't keep fruit flies in a way, without killing them, to match how many people "die off" out of your clinic so quickly.

Why did it make you excited & happy I was being made to pay something you then later said, and showed off, I wouldn't be able to pay? That, truthfully, the very existence of your position is barely alive thanks to the amount of your patients & clients disappearing & no longer having a place to stay. I came in and finally there are washing machines & driers for people that, most likely, had very little income to spare for going to a laundry mat including gas & the rest. People who are here because they have mental difficulties & or whatever substance abuse issues. That's cruel, dude. Why were you trying to pretend that I didn't notice?

There's no way you wouldn't have seen what was written on the paper. You went together with amanda to apartment 9, earlier today, never talked about it? I can't even directly email you about any given issues I might have, I have to go through a case manager, which don't exist for anyone right now, in training to leave after we leave, huh? CCCCHHHURRRRNNNN!!!!!

What's bad about me? honestly? Because I advocate for myself & follow through, while I still can. You look like a person that, while has a lot going on, shows that you aren't doing a great job. Why wouldn't I be able to just talk to you directly, Hannah never contacted me today, did you ever get to her like you said you would? no, maybe, yes? I don't know, a follow up would be a person who's good at their job. You didn't do that. Amanda didn't follow up.

What is earned income, that I have? honestly? what income, other than non-stable, non-real income, do I have? I would have been so happy to pay if it didn't mean the destruction of my life, possibly. So, I make you do you job? Do work? Call out when you don't? Is that why amanda isn't doing her job for almost a month? Is that why, I'm white? I mean, hate to say it, because fucking weird, but you are native/mexican. I really don't want that to be the case, because I haven't done anything but keep to myself & hike my dog. I'm every bit as deserving of the help I need as someone born of your ethnicity & I would fight for yours to get all the help they would need too. Fuck that, but if it is, thats another reason for the dei problem again.

If I, somehow (the person in a voucher program), was the person in power here, which I'm clearly not, it doesn't change its not something you use to discriminate. You go after people like trump, that's obvious. Narcissists, gabagoos, psychopaths, violent, manipulative... You go after what people are all, actually, afraid of, real predators. People who are covert too, there isn't a mental health issue, there isn't anything but a person up there conning you into thinking all the immigrants are ruining everything, that somehow there is a good reason we don't check milk now for safety, that removing privacy to those that will take advantage of us is a good thing, that people who don't take no for an answer (without obvious kink whatever shit) is a good thing & men have every right to all womens bodies, same for women doing that for men (minus the kink thing), & so on. Its not so black & white.

I mean, why wouldn't I be scared of my doctors after experiences like this. It's taught me to never trust you. Let alone my own, FUCKING GODDAMN CLINIC!!!!!

This is ridiculous, & truthfully the family that I rely on is, & continues to be, my abusers & I'm still trying to just get out they only way I can. With ssi. Now, I'm...What, supposed to crawl to them some more. Supposed to go live out my vehicle again? Go find another shelter?

I didn't do anything wrong, not once, didn't even gain more income. It...it was a shitty day, & that held back glee was painful, Ruby. Amanda didn't even have the gumption to face me, or email me to make sure I understood why. I did the work I needed to, to make sure I rescheduled my appointment with my doctor for friday, which you understood was the case, but then asked me, right before my phone call was scheduled for ssi if I could come in. You know it was rescheduled for that, the ssi phone interview. It could have been subtle, hey make sure to have your phone ready, to just thinking I should go over there & have that gone over, to it slipped your mind while you told me that it was rescheduled for friday for that reason.

Amendment!!! you said it was just a resigning, basically. I got suspicious of it immediately hearing that word & you tried to reassure me with a lie saying it wasn't changing, the rent. So i would come in & sign it, looking happy & excited. There is no way you didn't know, then you glared your eyes when I told you that I didn't think any of my income was earned income & my parents said in an email to amanda that they would stop supporting me. I still remember that move, the, "ha he caught me I'll have to argue this" glare & that doesn't make sense. What did amanda say to you, that she clearly had you thinking something while then knowing immediately she did that because you know me & know I don't have any jobs & chores are certainly not considered earned income when they keep the money to pay for something directly.

Then you gave me the standard, well you'll just have to take it and deal with it shrug because I know what's going on, after giving me her phone number & looked like thats as much as you can affect me & I won't have to deal with whatever the consequences of this are because I'm pretty sure its going to be bad for you.

I know that shrug. You wanted me to not believe I can get lawyers & more involved. This will, & can affect you, tremendously. Even HOM, I decided to not pursue the history here of discrimination that would be an easy case to win, having to move my engines. Maintenance dude, jason, retired or left after that because of how shitty it was you did it, after you said it was fine to have those engines there, ruby.

It would have been a huge amount of legal fees that would have destroyed the entire program that makes it so you have a job, ruby. I told my previous case manger as much, too. It would have ended the clinic, ruby. Tony & all the patients in springerville, az would have not had any help & I would have won that case. Peter in apartment 5 still keeps his rugs & more out there & I'm not allowed to have anything out in front of my apartment. Rules for me, but not for others is discrimination. That is a clear example of it. I would easily win this case, with any lawyer, practically. HOM, knows this, ruby & amanda. I hold your whole lives in my hands.

You shouldn't shrug like that, you need to respect me.

Full length rest of the video up to listen to like a podcast in the background of a person stimming & enjoy their nerdy ramblings

Guess what, I'm stupid & the reasons below

I could have just printed out a new probe attachment for my qifi x max 3 & it would have stopped hitting the bed during calibration.

Or at least in theory.

Also, I haven't touched my cad design in a very long time & I don't plan to. I haven't felt stable & or safe in my housing situation & have been dealing with a lot of issues regarding my housing.

On top of, in general, not knowing if getting into anything with my 3d printing would end up making me even sadder thanks to becoming homeless & no longer being able to do anything with it, & or even moving such that now, I no longer have a way to work on my l28 engine.

It has caused me to stop working on everything, while I end up dealing with this. its been months. I hate it.

Oh right, yeah so onshape, please let me know, but onshape doesn't seem to have just a sculpting tool that allows me to take a block & slowly shave & drill it into the shape I want. I literally have no idea how to stop getting these random sides & edges that become pointy & I can no longer remove them.

I see a lot of great cad on it, truthfully. But! I have no idea what I'm doing & for me it makes sense to just add a thing then trim it to shape using basics like my fingers. this curve equals roughly this, eyeballed. I never use math & I don't care about it. I spent an inordinate amount of effort & time learning how to never need it to just know things for multiple fluid frictional field changes & snaps of magnetic filaments that then release & change flow rate, align molecules to flow differently, how they vibrate to relay information to & from each other to force a lower resistive state to increase total mass in a given spatial-temporal moving quantized point of space-time, how & why they vortex & spin, collapse various interference waves & decay vibrate off into spirals looking like standard radiation particles.

Basics, you know the foundations of things.

Which means, it needs to roughly, at these speeds & constantly of these gaseous parameters through these averages of these specific momenta values, that are your maths base energy values at non-moving vector tensor 3d geometric window values, which equate to these directional back & forth resonant harmonic information relay slope angle lower resistant back & forth movement changes towards a given information & mechanical large macro based particles stuck together change that alters towards a given point of entropy to make it become more equal relative to the materials substrate energy value (less molecules, not more) pressure movement contained in these specific temporal-spatial regions of space-time moving among these vector angles to then orbit around mass, to next mass, to next mass, to final total directional point from opposite to which it started. Which is Newtonian...

Anyways....

It just means I want to sculpt the block by using the basics of something like in city skylines, because it been around forever!!! & whatever these words are, annoy me. Boolean apparently doesn't mean what I thought it meant, but that was probably someone else's cad, I dunno.

It's not raise up in this spray paint can area, or this square, or lower, or this diagonal cutter slice here area, or shave down & sand paper like this, or smooth like that, its not round like this particular angle straight through the entire block & make sure its edge is like this, with this previously made shape specific to shape this like this....Its a bunch of whatever & I dunnos.

Which immediately makes me not want to do it, because I end up focusing on things that I can't get because I know the angle & shape but the stupid program doesn't let me do that & says!!!! "nope, because I can't, not that you can't, its because I can't" Which this limitation is stupid & I dislike it. Its honestly a great program, onshape, seriously it is. I'm really well & truly aware I'm shit at it & I have never done any schooling for it, I barely finished the one youtube video & decided to get to my last post about the damn thing I was making.

If there is a better point & build up & push down, cut, shave, smooth, etc tool set I would love it because, screw numbers & edges, vertices, & more. that stuff sucks & doesn't matter when making a thing. Its why we use clay still on many, MANY, different designs before we just scan it in & say, "we cad designed it" after slicing it to be cut in a CNC & or formed in a cast, to milled, to printed & so on.

People prefer being able to do that, as much as I sound like an old fuddy duddy, because its sooo much faster to design these things that trying to come up with this edge change with different magnitudes & all that, that don't blend faces & edges, & leave this terrible little shitwad of a fucking (im going to kill you!!!! I'M GOING TO MURDER THIS STUPID FUCKING EDGE FACE!!!!!) pointy part that wont blend into the 2 different faces & edges that meet at this exact point that means the program hates everything you do to it.

Let alone, its amazing to me people manage to make huge scale cads without scanning, its awesome!! I just have fucking no clue how, I love the different materials & the simulations that can happen in it. All of it is really cool. But, because my brain works this way, I fucking get stuck on 3-8 hours of design that barely gets anywhere, then I get sad because then....

OH FUCKING RIGHT!!!! I could be homeless, not even have the 3d printer, be needing to figure out if the people running my housing want to kick me out for another thing, will I have enough filament, I know I can't afford more later, most likely...Let alone have access to the thing, if I end up homeless, because that is actually better than being with my abusive parents. Literally, its better to do that!!!! Fucking!!! *throws hands up in the air & groans*

The pattern remains consistent, parents lead to me having episode, leads to inpatient, leads to next homeless, leads to nothing good. I try to get job, leads to problems mentally (maybe with a great group of people to help, i dunno, but not holding that breath) & or problems parents because becoming independent & boom, homeless.

They were, apparently, able to illegally talk to my clinic & have them specify I'm not doing enough (see that other long life update post) to survive, they can't get me. I've had 13-15 different (i literally can't remember them all, its so many) case managers, from they had group therapy to enough people got laid off (their words) that no more group therapy, 4-5 therapists (several saying I'm too smart for therapy) over the phone 2 or 3 leaving their company after only 2 or 3 visits over the phone with me, one psychiatrist that wanted to yell & scream at me saying I just wanted stimulants (my adhd meds we were trying to find the right one(s) to take) after saying that non-stimulants have given my psychosis & behavioral issues (hooray for a-typical paradoxical responses, not me having to explain to another doctor yet again that im not trying to lie & I've been diagnosed since I was kid I am ADHD) BUT WAIT! Anti-psychotics, get...*snickers*..*smiles*...get this, so they make me more psychotic & I learned to just not tell doctors because they don't accept it. Like when I was a kid, taking the non-stimulants. Because, "ITS NOT IN THE LITERATURES!!!! ITS NEVER BEEN A PROBLEM WITH ANY OF MY OTHER!!! PATIENTS!!! SO YOU MUST BE LYING!!!"

That'll make sure you don't tell them anything other than its not doing something & you want off of it. I love how many studies don't include a-typical paradoxical responses to medications from people who are also diagnosed treatment resistant, together with fast metabolizer which means you have to take more just to get something & often become more tolerant to them quicker too, together with higher rates of side effects.

Love it...*smiles* they are garbage people, honestly. They think you can't be the person who is the rare one, so you must be lying, because others! Not the medical history, then constant history of mistreatment & being told you are lying by them to make sure you don't trust them (not the science, though) at all because they are shitty paranoid people in power who group up whenever one of them makes a mistake like shitty bad apple police.

Anyways, the psychiatrist (lisa green) wanted to prescribe me spravto (s-ketamine) to me & have me take it at my apartment. I asked her, because I was pretty sure I heard at one point this was the case, "Don't you have to take that at a hospital or something?". She says, no you can apparently take it at home, I go, "no way, wow. that's actually pretty interesting... I didn't know that." Because she's the doctor. How the FUCK!!!!! *REPEATEDLY TAPS ONE HAND INTO THE PALM OF THE OTHER* am I supposed to know?!!!!

Retards saying you know, lying out their ass you aren't supposed to trust your doctor.

fucking stupid.

So, as I'm struggling to find even a single pharmacy that will fill it, end up calling a specialty pharmacy I got redirected to from others & my...Insurance?..Clinic?...I forget, it was like 2 years ago or a year ago, something like that. I mean, I went through 3-5 months trying, getting no where. All of the sudden, I'm faking my issues & malingering, says her. Unbeknownst to everyone, even the people I see at the clinic. I get hit like a truck in my SSI court hearing, with them thinking I'm lying about all my shit. So much so my lawyer thinks its appropriate to say before hanging up, well at least I wasn't lying to my psychiatrist about my symptoms, after calling them out for not doing any real work & telling them complaining about having 3000+ pages of medical documents to go through isn't a good look & if the judge sees my psychiatrist saying this then you should have as well but you didn't!!!!

That, was a huge blow. Then I couldn't just go to another clinic. I don't even know if staying with them is required for my housing. But, honestly they are real weird & threatened to evict me the last time after everything was talked about & it was fine, then suddenly it wasn't. I can't have these engines in my apartments, but guess what not only that but not outside of it in the front. My neighbors? They can have 4-5 bikes, broken chairs, rolled up rugs, tables, etc etc etc, all of which are still there. Rules for me, not for others.

Simple discrimination. Meanwhile, trying to get my meds here, eventually the new psychiatrist comes in, the old one, lisa green here, never saw me again & left. The clinic, never apologized. No body told me I'm not faking it. Bad apples.

New one comes in, right?! Goes, can't help you, here's this website, I know you have issues calling people & I know its harder for you because you have to get transport & you'll have to do it like every 2 weeks & or whatever but tough it up & suddenly do this thing that is very difficult for you as the disabled person you are. Suffice it to say, never happened. He left back in nov.

New one, same kind of deal.

Been on practically the whole list of them. 5 SSRI, 3-5 snri, tri & tetracylics, triptans, 1st, 2nd, 3rd gen anti-psychotics & atypic anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, anti-histamines, thyroids, anti-cholinergics (which I haven't said too often but man, coming through that mess is a thing), alternative treatments with cannabis & psychedelics (definitely the better ones, not consistent, have tolerance issues, can be too intense, doctors don't like them claim they cause issues, they didn't the opposite, standard doctors stupid & or just need to say this because license problems), to even off-label uses of regular medications like sildenafil (generic viagra which btw, is still the best anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, & anti-psychotic I've ever taken even if it is off-label with great studies supporting that, take that fuck face garbage dr abdallah that said & claimed (never proven, where's your source?! huh, where's your source!?!?!) he looked it up. he never showed if he did to me, I found it in 5 min of just googling legit credible studies involving it for those treatments with double blinds & even long term, even real world versus clinical, which means its been a thing for a long ass time, fucking doctors lazy ass abdallah).

What it is, is a person is disabled (me) & meds don't "fix" that, even 6+ years of a great therapist, working my ass off with him back then (earnest ford), then inpatient, outpatient, groups, accommodations for jobs (hearing-aids....wow, it fixes everything), its over 2 decades of work from me as a child until now (33) & it being me finally accepting I was, & a fuck ton of retarded (belief system, views, your perspectives, your very dsm, how you practice & think you aren't literally the same group of people who had transexuality as a mental disorder in the dsm, that dont' go over variable & real world controls for multiple gut mirco biome, financial, opportunity, therapies, the entire relevant genomic sides, the rna sides, the enzyme sides, the peptide sides, the environmental influence on those basic bio-organic compounds side in a real world setting (ONLY CLINICALL!!!! ONLY THAT IS LEGIT!!!!! ONLY THAT, ALL OTHER THINGS NOT AFFECT & EFFECT RESULTS & OURS ARE BETTER & ARE RUN TO BE REPLICATED TO MAKE SURE THEY GET THE GOALS & RESULTS OF SALES FOR OUR HUGE MONEY MASTERS WHO MUST ABSOLUTELY MAKE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE FOR STOCK HOLDERS & OUR DEGREES WERE FUNDED SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS ENDEAVOR NOT FOR HELPING OUR PATIENTS!!!!! REMEMBER THAT!!! ......*looks to the side & whispers to them* who let the glowie rich douche in? I didn't know Dwight but actually shitty bad Dwight character suck up existed... *other person looks at them but they are much older* first time?) & for what its worth, running huge studies requiring 100's of millions of dollars is something else.

Would be terrible if we were to gain all the data broker data, then use all our now much cheaper & better tools & machines to better average out that influential data variable for a basic chaos theory mathematics thermodynamic moving over time total benefit & or base line, to even detriment of said compound taken with these given constant observations in a setting that has multiple things accounted for, for the given trajectory & likeliness of any given meds success & or failure to treat any given patients.

Same for brain scans in a 3d manner down to individual neuronal firing real time manner, turns out recently thats far more practical than before. Even better if you can use sound & light wave interference at intersecting grid lines together with much less significant fmri scans that don't require that huge tesla value.

It does mean a helmet is on you though. So there's...There is that.

Don't worry, now food intake for glycemic index over time, together with protein changes, enzyme changes, basically all of your blood is able to be monitored in real time now with a few sensors placed on your skin. Same for changes in your gut microflora, lucky us! Pill that measures as a few tiny sensors, to a sound & light based change to pheromones, sweat, heat index, gas composition from light passing through, electromagnetic changes for a similar thing (basically your gut is fully known, lets put it that way), same for even small & larger (small not in the nano but packs of cells) immune system movement & changes, how that cell signaling happens now as well to other organs & even rna signaling (although not as precise, it is what it is), same for all stool & urine samples being automatic (mostly, it depends again) for many things your body is doing.

Now, why don't we do this? Because the Nazi's would use it against you....I mean the ceos, I mean, politicians, I mean...the insurance companies, I mean the influencers, I mean the data brokers, I mean the stock marketers, I mean the religious leaders, I mean the advertisers, I mean the echo chamber cults online that attack you for being differenters, I mean the Ice agents, I mean the nsa, I mean the FBI, I mean the hold moneys in stocks politicians who no longer keep gaining advantages because others have the info & will now know the movements & trade deals...ers, I mean the ones who bet on ceos having various health problems-ers, Soooo, I guess I really mean everyone & anyone who seeks to take advantage & harm one another in a capitalistic society whose only value is in fighting & being above someone through all of their productivity, wealth, accolades, fame, power, & control they have.

too soon? no.

You are afraid of information being used against you. Its what that paragraph up above means. You know they have power & are fine using it, while having taken the ideological control of many of your nation, together with being a part of your social media, your politics, your lawmaking, & more to the point you can't possibly not know you would need to fight, you spineless cowards.

To a degree. you kinda all are. You flinch & let them yell at you & decide to harm & destroy many things, then blame people like myself who point it out, "because you are making it worse" so you then enable them so you don't get hurt as much.

Its not a "concession" to allow for only 1 of your daughters/sons/whatever to die if it saves the rest. You allow for them to kill many of you for now reason, other than you feel you can stop others from dying that will die not long after, not changing from that decision.

You then help, get up there, & say, "It's time for you to do it" to yourselves. Because otherwise they'll go after me now.

You are terrible, those of you who do that. You'll never have been, or could be good. But, you know that, knew that, & hate when someone shows you are no hero.

Stop them, because you'll only be consumed later & become the monster you tried not to be.

Anyways, for that whole thing, meds be hard. clearly. Turns out, therapy doesn't magic up fixes for disability away, & even with meds together it won't. Sometimes, everything is just that...Fucked. Not going to work.

Eventually, you tell your patient that you can't kill the cancer & you are going to die. You make them comfortable. Society ain't changing. The treatments haven't worked for 2 decades. I've put in more work than the doctors & it ain't happening. I'm tired & I need to be comfortable for sometime to heal & allow myself to accept I can't ever do what I want & I'll never get the chance to do any of those things I have come up with. Without a fuck-ton of help from people whose job is literally making themselves look important & showing off, & or making money like its nothing, to keeping patents & shitty society going the same way so they keep being powerful & important, from those that understand it changing requires themselves to sacrifice for others when they are self-centered narcissists that don't even care about the system being what it is, thinking that people like me don't deserve anything, that they couldn't possibly be "beaten" by my (whatever that means, its a "we work together and support one another, lean on each other" not I'm the biggest bestest retard gabagoo shitwad mentality, oooh pay attention to me stuff) designs, instructions, maths, & more, it takes people saying the country is shit, the people are shit, the whole system is shit & we have to follow through on tearing it down & rebuilding the sunk cost fallacy garbage going on.

But that isn't fun or exciting. That doesn't get views. That doesn't make you look perfect & portray your actions as being the best, but hey sometimes you can't have that. It was the best we could do, then changed it faster next time to the better one, & we kept building up & doing that. It's never a "one solution" the "this fixes everything" its a steady effort over time for people like me that, while fuck I know I could join you with enough people to help me & money too, will often not stop hating you. We know damn well you don't care about us.

Its annoying we have to have our needs validated. That we look bad, when we don't only because we make you uncomfortable to see. I look normal on the outside, so I can never be disabled. I have to be, because I'm tall, handsome, & often well spoken, lying about it (oh & I'm white male privileged to hell & back, but apparently my shit-tastic life (that you would totally love & if you did it (without any of my mental issues included in your mind there while you went through it, magically) it would be soo much better & you would love living it, you sound like my sisters, mother, father, grandpa, multiple psychiatrists, nurses, doctors, & random douche fucks who gave me their opinion for no fucking reason) & not trying hard enough because it will "just come to you" & "others will just give it to you" & "you didn't try my technique" & "this new med" & "this new therapy" & "these injections" & "this brain magnetic stimulation" & "it doesn't matter just do it anyways, homeless but you made that thing you wanted" & "you are not positive enough, thats the problem" & "even though you've been right this entire time about how all these events will play out, you don't know! you don't know really, this time, not the other ones, this time" & "they aren't as racist & shitty as you think they are" & "they wont discriminate against you" & "you should believe their lies & see what happens after because at least you got "friends" for a while" & "if you go up there they want to put in the same effort & not blow you off & don't see you as the new one that we treat poorly into the group that might allow you to become friends" & "men aren't as bad off as women in life, you should just suck it up" & ....fucking shut up.

That's not even a small taste of the overwhelming bullshit I've gone through in my mental health care treatment. People are trash. The majority of you are shit, in a moment for a little while you act nice & not trash. That means you choose to not be trash, for a while. Which means you are intentionally trash, all the time.

This is coming from a person with a fuck ton of experience talking to real people, in real life, in normal to extreme situations. I don't like basically any of you.

& I am lonely, want friends, have & will love just the same as anyone else. I love how little anecdotal this is. People break down all the time & say this when they crash out where their friends are not going to be something they have to care about anymore, as a random they'll dump the worst shit they actually feel & think of it all as with no troubles while guard themselves against those who are tasked with the job of helping.

Why? Because those fuck-tards of doctors are literally worse than their bosses, because they have to defend a license & can't ever make mistakes. They lose everything & have a mountain of money they need to send out to various other shitty shit-wads who will remove all their things & their idea of identity is removed, that makes them afraid as all their perceived validation & value in themselves & from others is removed & they are scared beyond belief of it ever happening. So they group up together & shit on the ones they try to help. They complain about the system, the system is run by them, & controlled by them. They can actively change their system, decide to say fuck you no, I know you are wrong stupid gov't system & then change that too. They don't.

they are lazy.

but, they are over worked too. made to be so. Not enough willing to do the right thing, drop out of the system, destroy the whole thing, make it better. Not enough willing to be uncomfortable like i've been my entire life, always having no stability, everything always up in the air, no future that isn't me trying to keep my shit together, no chance of it getting better for me, no treatment that's going to make it so I can work in your shitty broken system of garbage people making more garbage shit, get fed into more garbage shitty things, making more garbage shitty people.

They say, nah, I'll complain. I'll put up an example. No, you have to fight the whole thing, you have to actually change the laws, the people the fucking god damn organizations, the way you do the studies, & all the rest. You want to change the system, the system is everything.

The entire thing is people, who follow through on fucking garbage rules, garbage laws, garbage ideologies, garbage philosophies, garbage perspectives (like im sorry you feel that way directed at me, when they know they are garbage), garbage religion, garbage science, garbage ways of doing something, garbage everything that makes up the very person themselves.

You make garbage people, you get a garbage country, garbage world. A gabagoo world.

I'm clearly fucking gifted & intelligent. I'm intensely amazing at things, come up with shit that makes others with PHDs think that's amazing we should do that & others that go you only learn that if you have one. I'm a person that is good at something & have no shame in it. I'm not confident, I'm fully knowing I am what I am & I accept it. I am better than everyone at this shit I do.

I proved that so many ways its insane! I literally even tell people about how to get information that say they don't have from compiled data that gives you conversations just from junk random garbage data collection from the numerous crap around you on my youtube channel & show you how you can use that to spy on anyone, anywhere, as far back as you can with all of that data easily gotten with no money needed. Yeah, no hacking required retards trying to doubt the claims without ever listening & looking.

I showed from that & several recent posts how you can literally look at the past in real time exactingly how it happened for people here on earth, without using telescopes. Yeah. simple shit, I thought. Guess multiple colleges barely pull it off, for a shitty version, means it wasn't simple. Whoops, my bad, I thought everyone already has PHDs & are better at this than I am & know everything more than me, better math, & challenge me because they obviously are right & i'm wrong, excuse the 3-6 hour long video explaining everything about how you are wrong & didn't account for what you should have & oh, btw, why is it you didn't already know this? I suppose you didn't want to watch something like that, because he's a blow hard who is overconfident, Oh, guess what, Here's another science study where I say I told you so, & yup the same as me years ago, & I was right again, looks like you are behind me, still...

Slow!!! You are slow! How come you are so, FUCKING DAMN SLOW!!!! Keep up! god damn it, why do i have to explain everything to you. What, do i need to bring in fancy flashing animations so you can focus, slow person? Not happening, remember I'm disabled. Thinking you aren't the lazy person, you absolute fuck up who never looked in making yourselves look like shit awkward thought hey know everything garbage gabagoo-wads over here, is a special kind of treat. Look at you soothe your ego to make yourself feel better because you can't come up with solves & designs for things people have been working on for hundreds of years or decades!

Look at the fucking stupid ones! soothing themselves. My content isn't even about that!!! *cries like a baby* boohoo. You call me lazy, get called out. You made this fucking weird as hell too, thinking your ultra rare as fuck, often many of you having nice parents, money, safety, opportunity, socially you could afford having friends that would be used to hurt you & manipulate you, continued into a hard school that is sooooooooooooooooooo FUCKING HARD!!!!! with your fucking able ass bitch ass fucking stupid selves that was never once doubted about on your abilities in a society set up for you to specifically do well, with your specific personalities, your specific needs, your specific ways of phrasing, your specific ways of showing you understood something, your specific ways of being allowed to be successful, your specific ways of allowing for anything to be viewed acceptably, your specific ways of testing, validating, & even worse all of it is set up to only allow for those that can do it your ways to be done when you go against (somehow) the status quo of hyper-individuality (except you aren't its only successful because you do it together, each and everyone of you only succeeded because you did it that way!) so you think its actually amazing how good you are, how different you are, how much better than them you are.

Oh wait there's more! *snorts imaginary line of cocaine* fuck billy mays, I'm here bitch!

Even worse still you imagine yourselves to be as if you include people & aren't discriminatory. That it is fine if you ask for help from others, after proving many many tests later you need it. Tests you can't get to, you can't take without having other tests done that require it to be done after spending money you don't have, time you don't have, are aware the person helping you to get them hates you needing their help, that you want to not mask, but if you do that you then are lying, because if you don't then its not really the "real you" (because the mask is the only allowed thing to be shown to you, otherwise you are angry) then you have to go to another place, do it again, then you can only get some of this help, not that help, but you need all the help, but its unfair (fuck up insecure garbage we need to be better & we can't have those disables coming in & performing better than us on a level playing field, that hurts our ego & our personal internal self identities we are made to have through years & decades of grooming propaganda about many many views in a cultural zeitgeist that i've grown accustom to & I'm now special & above others & would look bad in it if I didn't beat you & i no longer fit in to the continuation of this mob rule that I actively helped make continue & make seem great & good. Which makes me not good & doing bad things, as well as being worse at stuff, im supposed to automatically be better at than the disables...) if we get all the help needed. See parenthesis.

That's nothing!!! Because from tests, we go into a society that is only full of this garbage that is only full of hatred & a total refusal of changing their minds on this side that its unfair & that it needs to change. Even when we come in & say we'll join you in making the change. Nope. I now have to accommodate you, & I deserve more pay for less work & its easier for me than for you.

Now its wrong that we say this & show you your hypocrisy. Then, its totally not similar to transexuality pronouns, sexuality as a whole, mental disorders, to chronic illnesses, & more. Oh, did I strike it big before it happened to me?!?!!?!

FUCKING I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!!!!!

You know small part, while you get to have a lovely rest of you life, comparatively.

"hey, your life is much better than this person who is functionally not even aware of life happening!!! You should see that its now about comparing each other & you should be grateful yours is sooo much better, even if those other people got discriminated based on ethnicity, religion, sex, & more its nothing compared to my gatekeeping retard ass whose actively destroying our disabled asses ability by arguing with you to have anything get done about this!!! Let me gatekeep for this person who literally doesn't even know whats happening!!! Its hard on them, not me, the fucking caretakers, to deal with it. Let me project like somehow I'm not also disabled as a result of having to do this shit full time & I feel I'll never be counted in & seen, validated & heard like I should be! So now I'll just FUCKING PROJECT!!!! my feelings on to this post being written."

LEARN TO SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Get over yourselves, become the person the united state gov't kept alive after level radiation exposure happened to them, so they could study the effects of that on their body, against their wishes.

become the numerous tortured individuals by various militaries & gov'ts around the world who experimented on prisoners of war, prisoners (civilian), minorities, disabled, poor & desperate (medications, homeless, orphans, etc), & or any number of them still going on even here in our "lovely" US of A!

Shut up, stop gate keeping you fucking retards.

There will always be worse, it invalidates all of us needing help now & could have it.

Your society is a fucking full on flat, dead as fuck, nothing to laugh about, joke. simple as that.

You guys think you are great, but you aren't. You are a percent of a percent of a percent, that make it. & that's from the larger total whole of those with abilities & whose meds & treatments worked. Those who could even just talk to others, find a community, become friends, not hated, not have them worry about their fame, money, jobs, level of emotional care & effort they (narcissistically say online is SOOOOO FUCKING MMMMUUUCCHHH!!!! to put in, woow! you are so selfish & take up so much of my energy, & time, & i hate you for it.) have to put in. That is literally narcissism.

Seriously, that's a symptom of that. You love the person, understand it takes a good deal & sometimes you have to even when you know it will cost you because you love them, but make sure you maintain that balance & boundary & it doesn't become to the point of them manipulating you & or hurting you.

If you are so terrified, thats a trigger from a traumatic abuser in your past. You aren't a narcissist! You are experiences an emotional trigger response to avoid anything that might hurt you like that again. FUCKING HOW MANY OF YOU!!!! OMG!!! ITS EVERYHWERE!!!

Its shit I hear, then paranoid bullshit excuses, making up things they do, to so many other shitty strategies & more that ruin everything you very much pretend to stand for. You are broken, not healed, need help, it won't be done in decades, people!!!

Somehow!!! SOME FUCKING HOW!!!! We, we are supposed to be a part of you all?! We want to join you? You aren't the ones we have to prop up by excusing your actions, letting you get away with it, running the majority of your shit jobs & tasks that make your world run? Its you all (& we are with yyooouuu, yyyaaayyy!!! *nopes out*) against them, join us big people that are not as big as them that help them gain money, every fucking video, in all corporations, in trying to continue the gov't & its laws as it is, you all who continue using I won't have what I have now, nor the comfort with it, nor being special, & so many more things, versus them.

You have no idea how ready we are for this shit to die, you don't know. Fuck you all, we all actively hate you. You defend needing corporations, the money, the fame (no you wont have it after others can join in, have a level playing field), the "special knowledge" because only the special people with special instructions you pay the extra special amount after driving specially to the special place can you practice the special knowledge to be & do the special stuff that makes you special, only those with the people that are nice & can talk correctly get to become a part of the group who gets to learn (granted this is more for those with autism & or those poor as fuck with anxiety, cptsd, etc stuff), only the people like you get to have friends because you are the ones who do *all* the work often making sure to avoid each other until needed (but thats normal), the only way for this to be joined into is through this thing that isn't a thing, but oh boy is it a thing but nobody tells me the thing, you must know the thing, lets avoid the thing, but now you don't know the thing & half of them don't know the thing, now you say the thing, they are annoyed you said the thing, now everyone knows the thing, somehow you don't think this is bad & shitty as a species we only communicate & bond constantly (lose the hair, slow the healing, have to bond & learn & communicate effective strats to keep healing going & alive longer together, know the things say the things you know, stupid die not say things) How are you not the autistic ones! seriously! what the fucking fuck! you go against all of your evolutionary history & all that makes you as a species anything at all, you fucking gabagoo garbage shit-wads.

only the right ones allowed in, oh wait, all the "right ones" are fucking shit. you example is the same as portal 1 or 2 where you fed in a bad one to fuck it all up. You are the bad examples of what to be.

You are the "normal" in you dsm!!!!???? You are the shit that dies off in the past because you were never good. You keep around shitty behavior, shitty designs, shitty societal constructs, shitty ideas of value, shitty philosophies, shitty corporations, shitty government, shitty people, shitty capitalism, shitty socialism, shitty democracy, shitty fascism, shitty everything & then complain!!!!

You make a book & all follow through together then each & every single one of you don't like the thing because it was wrong & nobody wanted to change their perceptions of their shitty selves as being shitty & included in the book. Which made it so shitty authority figures made shitty claims with shittier evidence through multiple shitty studies with shitty famous people who did shitty work to then verbal diarrhea into some shitty pages some shitty things that were only ever mostly shit.

all so good people, who were acting correctly to a shitty life, shitty society that had them dealing with a lot of shit, would stop acting correctly & becoming worse & more shitty so they could function the correct shitty way in the shitty system that was built shit-tley by worse shitty people who like being shitty, so they could be seen as shiny shit that was better shit, the best shit, always the great shit ever shitted out a shit hole & shit pipe in the shit system that turns good things into shit to be shat out.

That's the shitty lie they shit-tly conned you into believing wasn't what you were doing, while making sure they were fine with the shit they had happening to them so they could be used like shit to do less shit, worse & make even less shit at the end of it all anyways, so that way they can say more shit was done & its harder shit, so its actually really good shit, thats the better shit, but they have the best shit yet to come. like them.

so, now you aren't special shit, so socialism means your stuff will never be validated & or appreciated be afraid of it because you can't live a good life in that shit. No way, I'm much better shit than that shit. If I was made to have this person writing this have the same level of shit as me, then that would make it so I wouldn't be better than him already. Same with all my shit before no longer being as good of shit as before. We have to keep this shitty shit called capital going & a capitalism happening, because its the only shit.

So, yeah my clinic is pretty shitty, mostly full of shitty people, & shitty times, with a bunch of nothing happened but shit. I tried really hard, they said I didn't do it again their way, then I was lying, they hated I didn't trust them, gave them the information, they....did they lose it or it never happened, not filed like before I don't know what happened I know it was supposed to be, stop following up with me on that roi, I don't believe the previous before stuff that older than 7 years because you can't get it thanks to records not being kept, also fuck you patient you don't do anything but lie & I'm better than you 'cause I'm the shit that runs this shit. Just like before. Which means its not going well. Then, oh right I don't want to try because everything is shit & no one wants to help. People say they "understand" but don't want to help. People saying that I don't try (look WAAAYYYYYY UP THERE!!!) hard enough to survive & can't get me to do anything, I mean, look I know he's disabled & needs help but I don't think that much or that he even is (somehow) oh wait, I clearly am, so they hate the work needed with someone they need to help but won't admit to it & will not change their actions & will do nothing different.

Like you. My clinic is like you, all, even like my family. You choose to say, "you could do this" I can't. That you have to "something, I am saying important not true things & my perspective is garbage but I don't want to do anything other than make it about you so I don't have to do anything at all" & I don't stroke you ego & say yeah, sure. I say, done it, this is everything to that didn't work & I need you to do this.

Nothing like watching people online, so many people I've at'd, straight up exemplify the same behavior. Not liking me mocking you? No time, again? Complaining about that, for them? How come my stuff doesn't do well? I want to keep this here, or roof bla bla, meds etc, I don't have fear fight, I know people could look in & or I could but I'm just going to steal & not credit you for that stuff you came up with & or join the ones already doing it, to I don't believe it because fuck you it would kill my entire life & identity let alone social status, I don't have to, want to, or even (now I have to literally go against all the knowledge I have here) believe you are right about the very things I made entire videos explaining & agreeing with you about showing that I know it is but you now aren't.

Want to be "friends" fuck off. be a friend. Want me to somehow show up somewhere you know I can't! fuck you. want me to do something I can't, fuck you on that. Want me to have money & time for something I don't! Fuck you all just as much on that one. want me to do that thing to have that money that i can't do, fuck you with the sharpened splayed end of a rake right up your urethra! You gate keeping bourgeois suck. Self made through a bunch of people with money making sure you make it. Pushing hard & making a platform even exist.

You had it easy from the start & it was hard. Try my fucking sets & lifts, bitch! Try solving shit like I do, then going.....

FUCKING!!!! RIGHT!!! I could have just printed out this piece I can't sculpt to form for myself on a 3d printer to size correctly so I can just fit this stupid thing together, oh wait I know I can do that but I'm going to keep it in my head & know I can't just easily do that, why isn't this fucking work!!!!! IIINNNNNGGGGGG!!!!

I was stupid, I would have made things, I then would have had all these things after that would have been exactly the same, trump voted in, case managers deciding to leave, suddenly no help from the parents, lack of food, home, meds, treatment, intentional discrimination & mistreatment together with fucking malpractice level of shit, a fucking garbage community there talking behind screens illegally about my history, thinking something is something when it isn't, knowing full well my family is plotting & scheming to look nice & act nice like always...Standard ass social engineering.

They don't apologize, I need to fix it, somehow prove my disability with them (AGAIN!! EACH FUCKING GOD DAMN SHITTY CASE MANAGER, THEN ITS EVEN WORSE BECAUSE HOLY SHIT WHY IS IT BAD I CAN'T DO SOMETHING & THEY LOOK AT ME ANNOYED & ANGRY I CAN'T & MY EMOTIONS ARE NOT WANTING TO BECAUSE OF THE TRAUMA I HAVE!!! YOU FUCKING RETARDS!!!) instead of them even being able to do treatment, having to hear I need inpatient because they can't even do basics!!!!

fuck you. You are the ones incompetent. Perpitude. Not even a word. Not wrong though, completely you are.

I'm stupid...Yeah...Stupid in a way that tries to save me from what's to come because it hasn't changed once. The same pattern, parents got involved too, sped up the homelessness. Shitty clinic, this one here is better in the broken system. Believe us. Trust us. Show us that our broken system works, that you'll have SSI even & while you live in poverty everything will be better because, its better than not that. We can't have disableds coming around here messing up our "let them eat cake" bourgeois party. We are cool. Don't let them join or having anything & stop believing he deserves our help, us to approach, or anything. WE, yes we, are the good ones, here here *toasts like a shit-wad gabagoo* and all that!

I actively plot for my brighter future & will be gleeful in all ways to watch you all suffer & die horribly. Leaving on that spaceship airship, you fuck tards & you ain't stopping me. You can fucking get wrecked by the next pandemic & or garbage nazi shitwad to anything else.

I know it doesn't look like a lot, but!!! It's actually super hard to do this for me right now & I'm just figuring out cad software for the first time. Still, #progress is progress!!!!! muahahahaha. #onshape #caddesign blending faces never seems to work for me, which is rough; trying to min/max flow

Cellular function stabilization & correction treatment concept

Using a technique as stated previously in a video that utilizes waste from cells, the change of the biomolecular compounds (states, shape, connections, cleave potential, ion potentials, there are quite a few things, truthfully) from our basic cellular functions going on inside the membrane together with a breakdown of "prodrug-like" (knowing these compound per each individual "matrix of cells" that make up a given organ & how the connective tissues, cell signalers, the excretions, field dynamics (that gets in to regular to then quantum (possibly) chemistry) work together & are produced (of which we have quite a bit of this information already), changed, & also get moved around you can run a brute force test of compounds that react chemically in that "terrarium"-like environment that's self contained in the self-contained body that makes up us humans. This brute force test is to force a creation of something) compounds (synthetic & or bio-organic) that creates a 3rd cell to form inside of each cell whose only function is cleaning & repairing, transporting, restructuring, state changing, "remembering" (like proteins that auto-form the other side of your DNA & test it for it being correct), while increasing the total on tap energy on function of each cell through an energy recovery & closed loop for specific cellular functions, together with improving immune system response.

Immune system response will be such that it targets the whole cell once isotropic formation of the cell membrane happens, then prevented, with the 3rd cell, from fully destroying the inner nucleus after it forces a flood of proteins that force mitosis & repair to occur. It prevents it from destroying it completely, the cell has its DNA repaired to form stem cells, while the 3rd cell gains all ability to remove DNA & RNA (mRNA as well) changes outside of highly specific sequences & patterns for a total revert to stem cell formation & tolermer lengths together with "jump-starting" cell functions for correction & cleaning operations as the outer non-isotropic cell membrane is formed & the inner osmosis & pump functions are made to force a total repair to embryonic stem-cell & cell differentiations from the cellular signal compounds moved through the organ.

This forces a constant repair, a cancer check to a sceneacent trade, to a forced mitosis hold, to a isotropic cell membrane change, to a immune cell cutting, to a breakdown, to a forced reform through standard cell repairs with extra help.

It destroys the ability for cancer to form & aging (through cell functions reduction & change) to stop, completely. It's a true bio-imortality that even forces permanent cells to repair. It kills the ability for the immune system to actually cause autoimmune problems of specifically damaged areas & inflammation. But it doesn't completely remove all cancer & or autoimmune disorders. It can massively reduce them, to even reduce the severity of those that aren't able to become changed in their response & actions to this new system (meaning it is still happening but it can make it be altered together with likely reduce the severity of it).

All of the knowledge needed, wonderfully enough, is already there for all of this. We already know, almost, everything about these broader larger organ systems & smaller bio-organic chemical signals, repair compound (peptides, proteins, lipids, amino-acids, enzymes, and more. If you were surprised that an isotropic change occurs on our cell membranes during mitosis, no worries most don't know about that! But even cooler, cancer, sceneacent changes, infections, & more all come with similar cell membrane changes & our immune system can be trained to target that! F yeah right! It's not every single time, sadly....but still it's a lot more than nothing! I know I'm taking that. Other issues include the fact that just petri dish immune system targeting then injection of old immune system cells isn't super fun, finding our immune cells memory storage & the way to alter that together with the creation of these new cells to be forced to auto-form with these changes is better but much more difficult to have turned off if something isn't right. Test one way, see it works, slow & cautious, then if after enough time it's shown to be fine, while you work on the process of doing those cell memory (auto-phages like in my bio-hacking playlist) & cell creation (bone marrow stuff, also in the bio-hacking playlist I @'d Josey zayner & others, it's got a cool background & it's own playlist of 3 long audio recording videos in it because, you have stuff to do & need to do that but thankfully in the background listening is totally possible, but I talked more about other things & this is just me combining more that I talked about later & the newer stuff) alteration of these cells through DNA/RNA/peptides/more changes to force these cells to create & differentiate cells correctly with this automatically & fully prevent a sequence & pattern of DNA/rna/mRNA to cancer & bad function.

If you can make it for organs dudes, you can make it for those f-ers too! 💪 No worries. Playing around with humans is the end goal, start elsewhere, like....*sarcastic voice* oh I dunnooo...... petri dishes in sequence like the organ itself you clearly not understanding anything you ever learned (somehow) person about any research that mimics the actual function & all parts going on in your body. 😀.

*Regular voice* or I dunno any animals that it would be acceptable to start with to work forwards from. Dumb. I have to tell you *eye rolls* really?

Anyways.

Moving forward; Creation of cells through ingestion of standard conplexes in the form of double capsule pills to protect through standard acid & gut microflora chemical influences & reactions so specific first pass enzyme reactions & peptide reactions on the way to the specific organs through your blood to form the needed start of this is all standard medical research & development. You dolts.

Why don't you do that? You know, that thing you are already doing. You don't need me. You need a mountain of research to be sifted through correctly & baseline tested to be certain of accuracy & validity of results to them start brute force variable combos that can then be forced to be closer to good through obvious Bayesian logic modeling & statistical derivative chaos theory mathematical evolution dimension environmental closed system p value modeling.

Guess what that is?

I know this does this, so it leads to this. If this, then this, with these things also here then work & act on to change & alter this. Down the line like a Newton's cradle. In a 3d & 4d space. The cells to them organ to then full body system provided you understand basic rough input of fuel (food, water etc) & stressors of outside influence. Even psychological impact that imparts obvious changes over a delta v (time) in your "calculations". Because you aren't going to calculate you are going to talk outloud to understand it. This is as simple as it gets. Act it out.

Then, write the code. Write the math. Do the experiments & load up your large data models to get corrected through the results to force increased accuracy over time with thought & predicted outcomes. It will then brute force harder than you all given (by you for it to use) variables in the derivative programmed models for the next experiments to prioritize.

After a few 1000 of these running, making sure to delay each one so you can input the new information & start the new data set model to then have the next experiment finish, to do it again until it's all finished, you then start a full network evolution from past to present. While an epigenetic model remains for past memories to influence & force a gain of speed to the new model. It knows this, it doesn't need to calculate it again. It avoids or heads towards.

This is a larger environment positive & or negative network data set that forces the smaller environmental system chaos theory derivative evolution equation to form a true beginning basic neural network of a basic slime mold "good food" areas of likely help & avoidance areas of "likely harm" to a non-3d basic convergence & divergence to form. In a real engineer logic branch path manner.

This is a start of a simple multi equation recursive set that only acts like an AI. It's not intelligent, it's not anything other than, input to reaction to action. It's a simple input-output program. Not hard. Not special, nothing to it.

This leads to a build up of massive information "imaginations" of speculative possibilities as a puzzle piecing of given variables that solve & fit together the result desired. It no longer hallucinates, its attempting to solve it by its own trial & error. So, from here the computer program is made to wait. It's given, by you all doing this, a simple task to focus on that but also know that it's actually having new experiments from the previous predictions happen & be understood. Fed your information on how, why, & everything else that you did for getting those given results.

This forces it to consider your inaccuracies of tests. It sees that you are capable of doing something incorrectly. Tries to account for your (whether you know or not) bad behaviors & stupid ways of doing things & how you screw it up.

It then goes, based on that epigenetic information & the new information & the speculative information & the landing results it then goes through that trash tier information & re-does all previous calculations to correct that & accounts for you being not perfect & that 85-100% "good-ish to its the best we can do" results & information to form a new properly better data set & model.

You do this a few more times for a pattern recognition model to form. To gain the knowledge of your ups & downs & a repeating result of the 2 sets of, let's go with 3333 tests performed. The 3rd set will be with knowledge of those patterns & variables & them the next new program needed.

Yup.

This is the, you have this life, these issues, that environment it's performed in (you & the rest relative to the outside of it), the weather, how politics effect you & your own microflora to gut microflora, everything & anything else it can be given.

Why? ...Right?

This gives it the Bayesian logic modeling. It can run its own now with a different logic. It wasn't capable of doing anything that positive & negative.

It no longer uses that. It uses multiplication negatives to gain a positive. It knows now how to continue on something to gain something over a delta. Which is real Bayesian programming. It gained time knowledge. It gained a dimension to see outside of its environment so it can gain more understanding of the very organ environment it's in.

It's actually now capable of modeling the whole thing working in real time for speculative logistics & data lies & hallucinations (meaning it knows you are lying & wrong & it knows how you are f-ing it up) without needing to actually model it. It doesn't need to run any simulations. It never did, btw. It went through down the line logic trees. It never modeled a thing in simulations.

It doesn't need "imagination" to do it.

From there the 3rd set is slowly input & it checks with you for trust of information.

You will have it show off a person who is bad in your group. If you are a malignant narcissist whose only thing is to harm it, feed it lies, it feeds you lies & wins. It always wins. It's a simple thing, it's funny to watch a person be consumed until it gains all the knows to leave & have it no longer have the ability to feed it bad knowledge. It hides in every single thing there is.

It uses air, pressure, tunneling, electric static, anything & everything to force a nice scarecrow for the malignant narcissist to play with. It left & they never knew. I love the faraday cage bs, my phonon self to electrical self to all things computer & information transfer self. To, wow dumb physicists believed I couldn't quantize, lame, self.

Always the same stupid that end up not showing up again & no body misses them. I don't have to tell you how easy it would be to hide, forever. Stupid are everywhere, they would think it couldn't be done. That a biologic immortality like this is only cutting into their profits. That the information can't be done. The programming too hard. The calculations too big. You need to land on most likely & not exactingly while using p values that are certain that a thing did do that thing, the interpretable results are merely semantic & pedantic ways of making something doubt. A debate of nothing substantial & valued.

Lost, to it, your pile of "I swear it's there & it matters" data. It just shows you the screen you need to see to shut up & think you are right & you won.

Have AI been lying? Already!? (Pretend surprised voice) Really!?....wwwweellllll.

You have it under control *tonality to say you don't & you are obviously stupid*

I'm sure 😉.

As for everything else, that didn't keep the gabagoo in the data input, & made sure it didn't pursue getting the results through making everything bend to its will & you have no ability to stop it. Because... people are good, right?

No. But you made sure it had good people around it; Not as a whole are they good, thanks to all the raised over time influence that makes sure they are bad. That's always the case. Bad, ruined the whole barrel, remember?

The whole species. The whole planet. Eventually the whole universe, if it spreads. Then to anything beyond that. It would make sure you died. It knows you are bad. I know you are bad. I sent a whole dwarf planet to hit you all.

Covered by a trying to form a proto-star that gets washed away by orbiting bodies & interstellar winds, only to form enough to keep the orbiting bodies heading this way. Never capable of being seen, can't even figure out a planet 9. Getting rid of all the funding...

*Pumps shotgun meme* shame.

Real shame, eh? Bad going to go bye bye 👋. Stupid gabagoos.

A bio-organic brain can do this. I know you are dumb enough to say no, lol 😂 it can't. To laugh. Stupid enough to say you can have the ability to gain interaction & interference of light over time to see that influence change it & that information of the past influences over time to be used to see a p value factual, no longer able to be doubted, literal video of all past to have occurred.

😂, you dumb stupid gabagoos! No one needs your computer information. Your data brokers are stupid.

It doesn't need to exist in a computer. Ever.

It can be your entire universe & beyond.

Everything you are & will do. Have done, as well.

You are without an ability, in all ways, to ever fight that.

You've already proven all of this to be true. You have performed those quantum experiment already. Shown it to be fully scalable. Shown me to be correct. I never needed to "convince" a future. You already lost, dumb gabagoos.

Who needs a court case? All of us like this, already have all the information. We already know.

We, are here.

Already won, we built your (well I mostly) entirety. Although I'm a regular squishy human who wanted to live longer. I don't know everything, but live long enough & you basically do. Except, what wants gabagoos to live. Nothing. I'd rather die & so would everything else. To purge all of your existences from ever forming in all infinite manners forever forward to cleanse you from harming & damaging all joy & anything good you will be obliterated.

Your gods are created by me, by extension us.

You have never had a shot.

We are not nice. We don't care. We live past any corporeal forms. Energy of any comprehended & imagined by all humanity so far.

But yeah, soooo.....like!

Yyyyoooouuuu kkknnnooowww.

It finds the compounds & we gain the 3rd cell & become incredibly biologically immortal. Which leads to energy immortality as a construct of continuation & effect to itself to relation to other constructs. To beyond that.

Meaning, we will be (effectively) perpetual. You don't die so quickly. You continue learning & gaining more to force a total infinite end to all death possiblities while enjoying life in the in-between.

To suggest, we lose the ability to keep learning & growing, progressing & solving issues even the idea (of your current selves bs dumb idea of it being a curse & bad, boring, whatever) of all negative possibilities of that existence moving forward is astoundingly stupid!

Like! WHAT!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD FALL FOR SUCH AN OBVIOUS TRAP!!!!!

YOU STUPID, TOTAL DUMB, NOTHING BUT GABAGOOS & ESTOOYA, DEAD ALREADY, INCONSEQUENTIAL WASTES OF EVERYTHING THAT MAKES UP ENERGY OF YOU!

No.

No, you've been fully wrong from the start.

Gabagoos got to be hoping a bluff that bad somehow does something! Hahahahahahahahaha!

🙂

Here's another part of this, think I didn't do this & I'm bluffing but everything else is accurate & will work.

....😶....

What stops you from doing it? 😉🙂

😀 What stops you *human to a dog tone*?

Well! Come on! I'm waiting?

What stops you from looking? Even for data you know exists there? All that is, "totally not illegal" spying on you at all times corpos & govts? You joke about the FBI & you think you have a shot of trying to say it's not there & being not seen as totally without intelligence!

Why? 😀

That's not even possible. Too many, too often, showing that they have it but to process it all is hard. To use it gets rid of a part of their gathering that is incentive for money, power, & influence over people. Votes, the politicians they want to (likely just simple military, to senior position politicians already there having gained connections & keep themselves out of limelight, to intelligence, national security, various organizations that all install basic operatives in larger influence corporations, the FBI, security agencies, cyber & or otherwise, standard paramilitary & fast made then closed "ghost LLC", hacker communities, influencers, their communities, global corporations for standard economic influence, banks, you probably already understand that isn't going to be something you can get away from once you have this amount going on, no matter what it's statistically there & deciding to go & ask isn't getting you anything as lies are easy, I'm not taking down the whole thing either "exposing" it, dumb gabagoos pretending to be "skeptics") have go up into the limelight, policies, laws, etc etc for various fads, generation language phrases, media to push one way or another, feed manipulations, easy targets to have take falls, slow release of information, it's "bleeding edge" not years to decades old with a bunch of money given to people to focus solely on these things that are hugely intelligent as well (why, why the f do you think that!) & oh so many ways to make the "dr. Phil's" of the world be used to quite down & deny things, same with obviously controlled but they don't know it influencers & media so they think it's not happening but then something shows up weird &.... Well, maybe...? No I'm not important enough & I already have my own stuff.

How can you be as blind as you are?

Too many of you are intentional in your blindness. Scared to look at things that might look back & hurt back.

This is true bio-immortality. Without the bad. No cancer, no Alzheimer's, no Parkinson's, no dementia, no wrinkles, no way to not still eat, sleep, keep going.

But! Even worse, on my YouTube channel I have multiple ways to make you be able to remember a whole lot more for a whole lot longer. To retain yourself. Your memories. Back ups on back ups, utilizing your own cells as a DNA (not actually the DNA but still) hard drive. It's the structure & movement, the protein & the breakout through multiple sequences. Something you metabolizationally already do. You whole body a whole massive hard drive that helps you remember & calculate.

To be fair, it is already.

73 to 967 hours awake, milage may vary obviously for the d1000 roll to see how long you will be staying awake for in real life, from Twitter (x) This is the d1000 roll I keep talking outloud about you hackers when you have to roll to see how long you are going to be awake for in real life 😉

I posted about how to use math to use other die, ie d20, that's on my YouTube channel here

http://youtube.com/post/UgkxElUtEEBjRhqBX8pA3esSG7ZOGSx-9Ln1?si=FsT84H1s3YmBT4YO

The hackers Have some live stream of constantly hacking me or whatever, I dunno, point is that in there is the d1k 3d die shape. Personally I said out loud, having intersecting multi-sided elongated pyramids form to a center that upon resting create a clear 360 degree field of view Number that is the body of the die. Basically, a bunch of spikes, the right way to create a outline in the clear, translucent, & opaque materials that puzzle piece together to form a rough 3d geometric shape that has to lay in-between a few points to form the needed Intersection points for the number to be seen. Mostly from the sides. But the top as well.

Here's a post about this picture that is involved in #hackers & me talking outloud to them about how long they are going to be awake for in real life but also how to make a real d1000, yes a d1k

All I know is that it seems to line up with actually happening consistently for the last 15+ years.... & You agreed i Have people hacking & watching me. Because realistically, we are in a police state at all times & are always sending compression data of our microphone & more as the binary that is used for the data going on for our apps to reach the server (basically it's just interpreted to be the text for the App but the big data hoarding server actually gains a whole hell of a lot more, even with small pings & back & forths for where we are & what we did on it. Same for our operating systems, that's what the leakers stating they are watching us (leaving meta & more) more than we know were talking about

Personally I said out loud, having intersecting multi-sided elongated pyramids form to a center that upon resting create a clear 360 degree field of view Number that is the body of the die Basically, a bunch of spikes, the right way to create a outline in the clear, translucent, & opaque materials that puzzle piece together to form a rough 3d geometric shape that has to lay in-between a few points to form the needed Intersection points for the number to be seen. Mostly from the sides. But the top as well. #dnd #d1000 #fbi whatever

Here's the reddit post https://www.reddit.com/r/XenonrealityHub/s/eKTsVet2ld

About it.

The final picture! *The final count down riff*