It’s Hanging On Like My Mental Stability

Were you sent by SOMEONE!!! 🥁🥁🥁 WHO WANTED ME DEAD!!!! 🔪🔪🔪 Did you sleep with a GUN !!! 🔫 Underneath OUR BED!!!!! 👇👇👇 Were you WRITING A BOOK!!!! 🥁🥁🥁✍️ Were you a SLEEPER CELL SPY!!!!!!! 🥁🥁🥁 In 50 years will all this be DECLASSIFIED!!!!!!!! 🥁🥁🥁 And you’ll CONFESS why you did it!!!! 🫡🫡🫡 And I'll say GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!! 👋👋👋 'Cause it wasn't SEXY 💅 once it wasn't FORBIDDEN!! 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️ I would’ve DIED for YOUR SINS!!! 🫴🫴🫴 Instead I just DIED INSIDE!!!!! 🫴🫴🫴 And you deserve PRISON but you won’t get time!!!!!! 🫸🫸🫸 You'll slide into INBOXES 🔫🩸 and slip through the BARS!!! 🤕🤕🤕 You CRASHED my party and your RENTAL CAR!!!!!!!! 🫵🫵🫵 You said normal girls WERE BORING 🔫🩸 but you were GONE BY THE MORNING!!!! 🩸🩸🩸 You KICKED OUT THE STAGE LIGHTS BUT YOU'RE STILL PERFORMING!!!!! 💥💥💥 And in plain sight you HID 🫣🫣🫣 but YOU ARE WHAT YOU DID 🫵🫵🫵 And I'll FORGET you but I'll never FORGIVE 😭😭😭 the smallest man who ever lived ⚰️🪦🪦🪦

Wife: Order of the Phoenix is on TV, do you want to watch it?

Me: No, because then Sirius doesn't die.

Wife: I don't think that's how it wor-

Me: HE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH REMUS LUPIN THE END!

Sirius: Next person to say “weird flex but okay” is getting thrown of the astronomy tower.

Regulus: Preposterous boast but alas.

Remus: We’re best friends, of course I play with his hair.

Sirius: We’re best friends, of course we share the same bed all the time.

Remus: We’re best friends, of course he put his head in my lap when he’s tired and I refuse to move until he wakes up.

Sirius: We’re best friends, of course we steal each other’s clothes because it makes us feel safe.

Remus: We’re best friends, of course we share cigarettes. And plates of food. And a toothbrush.

Sirius: We’re best friends, of course I have dreams about him.

Remus: We’re best friends, of course I get jealous when he dates people.

Sirius: We’re best friends, of course I smell him in my Amortentia.

Remus: We’re best friends, of course I want to kiss him all the time.

Sirius: We’re best friends, of course I want to suck his-

James: JUST FUCKING DATE ALREADY!

My Spotify Wrapped

Why does the tortured poets department sound like the tumblr url of the most concerning person you know

Reblog if you think it’s okay to platonically say “I Love You” to your friends

Sirius to James: See how I don't date my best friend's brother? Very demure. Very mindful. Very cutesy.

James: 🙄

OMG I JUST WATCHED IF AND 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 WHY IS IT SO WHOLESOME YET SAD AND JUST 😭 😭 CALVIN

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