“I Love You.” The Only Thing I’m Absolutely Sure Of In This Messed Up World. And I Hope The Same

Your touch is like electricity on my skin. I jolt at the feeling of your hand on my back. It makes me feel both safe and completely vulnerable at the same time, and I crave it when we are together.

You are my drug

Being happy hurts. It’s one truth of the world no one wishes to speak about. Being happy doesn’t allow for sadness. Being happy doesn’t allow for others to help you. And lord forbid that you actually say that you aren’t ‘happy’.

“But you have a such a good life”

"I'm nothing special but you seem to think otherwise."

- When you text me in the morning

It's fine. I'm used to being alone.

2 am Thoughts

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After you, I don’t know if I believe in love or I believe in how the idea of having you was more appealing than being alone with myself. Still, I don’t blame you for leaving, who would want to stay to begin with? I dont even like myself.

She wasn’t used to all the attention. So when she felt she was safe to open up, she felt like she was suffocating those around her. And when she felt that she did enough damage, she became quiet. A ghost of herself, to scared to keep talking in fear of losing the ones she became so attached to.

I'm the girl. I'm the ghost.

I never thought I'd be able to say that I don't love you anymore.

But now I can

Dear Expectations, You are always there when I need you the least. You make a simple task feel immensely impossible. You run my fingers raw while writing a paper, my mind to exhaustion to be absolute perfection, and my body to sleep deprivation in search of a grade no less than what I need to pass. In the search of a way around you, I stand in your shadow, unable to overtake the panic that you make arise in my chest, the pounding that never ceases until after the deadline has passed or my grade sealed in the grave that you have been helping me dig. your shadow isn't big enough to keep me inside, it is not bog enough to harbor the panic and the anxiety that you bring with you wherever you go. Following you like two hungry watch dogs, waiting for me to fall to the ground, to feast upon what is left.  While you are there to bring me up when I have to do my best, you bring an illusion of a silver lining making this seem worth it in the slightest sense. For the reward of praise is too much to ask from you when all you deal in deceit and terror.

With no love