Worshipherforever - My Deviant Obsessions

I've had sex with a total of seven men. Five were since I've been married with my husband watching. I was very picky before getting married with who I'd date. I'm not picky at all as a hotwife except that the men are clean, in decent shape, and respectful. I do this mostly for my husband. He loves to watch me. He chooses the men. Even if they aren't great in bed it feels good and I always have my husband for sex. We have met only one guy who was worth getting together with more than once. You can't take it very seriously. It is like being in a play with your husband the audience. You try to give him the best performance you can while having as much fun as you can.

I became a hotwife a little less than 2 years ago after many years of discussions with my husband. I love him a lot and he's great in bed. We don't have a humiliation type cuck thing. He is very alpha about it all. Our first couple encounters were safe sex and it was obvious my husband liked watching. We had even better than usual sex afterwards for the next couple weeks. I then had my first bareback experience. My husband came from watching when the gentleman came in me. I came really hard from from it too. A total stranger cumming in me made me feel slutty hot. My husband that night came in less than 3 strokes. I came from just that. In the morning he lasted maybe a minute. It was a turn on for me. I've played bareback exclusively since then. I like feeling slutty. I like my husband having no control. I've been edging him a lot recently and denying him unless I've fucked someone else first that week. He's become angry at my edging and teasing him so much. My problem is that we have hotwife dates every few weeks. Less than monthly. I'd like to increase it so I can feel dirty and tease my husband more. He has gotten the idea I'd rather have sex with others than him from me asking about it. I've tried to explain that it is about him. That it turns me on to have him think of me like that and want me like that. He says he always wants me, and I know that is true. It is a different type of want though. I like both types of wants. I feel addicted to his dirty out of control want. I don't feel addicted to the sex with others. I feel addicted to the sex with my husband after sex with others. I'm addicted to teasing him. The power over his lust I guess it gives me. I need a better way to explain this to him so he doesn't think I'm wanting sex with other people instead of or more than him. I'd like if any other hotwives that have this type of motivation could give me some ideas on how to get him to not feel like that. It ruins it for us both.