Hi!! If You're Comfortable With It, I Was Wondering If You Could Possibly Write A Smut For Charlie?

Surgeries and operations are being cancelled on the day of the queen’s funeral. These patients will have been on a waiting list for months if not years.

Everyone should be absolutely seething with rage.

me personally if i lived in haddonfield and i saw micheal myers in person, id scream without the s but idk thats just me.

jj: emily loves jacuzzis

prentiss: sometimes i pretend i've been captured by witches and they're making me into human soup

GO GRANDPA GO

Well played, YouTube recommendations…

Ghost Files (2022)

early criminal minds (seasons 1-5) is so fucking funny if you think about it from the perspective of literally anyone that the BAU interacts with outside of each other. to recap what’s going on, let’s go over the team. We’ve got:

Elle Greenaway- murderous bitch who maybe murdered someone in cold blood (claimed self defense but who can prove that?)

Spencer Reid- a genius with both mommy and daddy issues who looks like a fourteen year old TA and does magic tricks whilst, at some points, zooted off his ass on dilaudid

Jason Gideon- man who screams at crime scenes and lays down in blood stains

Derek Morgan- calls their tech analyst like “ugh mommy shove that nice hot information down my throat”

Penelope Garcia- the aforementioned Information Mommy, who talks to the team (specifically morgan) like a phone sex operator trying to make enough to cover rent

Jennifer Jareau- bubbly blonde woman who yells at TV reporters and kicks ass

David Rossi- rich, elderly, famous crime novelist who DEFINITELY should be retired

Emily Prentiss- goth lesbian who DEFINITELY has cursed folks out in one of the many languages she knows

Aaron Hotchner- tired workaholic man, trying his best to hold this shitshow together, also beat a man to death

like, can you IMAGINE??? it’s the worst week of your life. Some madman is running around, i don’t know, killing folks and cutting off their nipples or something, and this absolute clown brigade rolls up like “ah yes, just another Tuesday for us lmao” and start asking you questions about what kind of dirt this murderer had stuck to his shoes, and then they SOLVE THE CASE???? what the fuck must you be thinking at that point

Shut up m'dudes, it's a national holiday

Hi!! If you don’t mind, do you think you could write one of those nsfw alphabet things for Jareth? (If not that’s okay<3) I can’t find anything smut wise for him and I’m currently obsessed with labyrinth (again)😭😭

Of course!!! I’m literally obsessed over both Jareth and those NSFW alphabet posts rn! Also, thank you for requesting stuff! It helps so much with writer's block lol.

Warnings: Obviously, smut; oral sex; semi-public sex mentions; breeding kink;

A= Aftercare (what they are like after sex)

I think Jareth would be so sweet and caring after sex. He would praise you, and run you a warm bath, or, if you are both too tired, he will just softly clean you up and make sure you are comfortable and leave you to sleep. He would always care about you before him. 

B= Body Part (their favorite body part of theirs and their partner’s)

Okay, so he would obviously love every inch of you, every perfection and imperfection. However, his favorite parts of your body would definitely be your thighs (and everything in between obviously), and your eyes. He loves how you look at him, even if it isn’t sexual, he just loves that someone looks at him with that kind of admiration and love. He loves your thighs because he loves leaving little kisses and nibbling on them watching you squirm. He loves both his mouth, due to how good he can make you feel with it, and his hands, for the same reason. If you can’t tell, everything he does he does for your pleasure.

C= Cum (pretty much anything to do with cum)

I find Jareth to be a pretty clean guy, giving him being a literal king, so he doesn’t try to make a mess. He will either cum inside you (if you are comfortable with it) or in his hand. He won’t really cum in your mouth, and won’t on your face, unless you say you want him to. Again, all about your pleasure babe. Your cum however, he would love to lick your come off his fingers (don’t ask why, he just would), and clean you up with his tongue if you aren’t too overstimulated.

D= Dirty Secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

So, he obviously watched you for quite a while before you were sent to the labyrinth or the castle, depending on the situation, and he obviously tried to give you as much privacy as he could. However, he occasionally would watch you change or masturbate. He just couldn’t help it. He never told you, and trust me, he never will. 

E= Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they are doing?)

This is controversial, but I don’t think he would be super experienced. Like, at all. He obviously knows what he is doing, and is good at it, but given his entire role as a goblin king, living in a whole fantasy world, where you have to be wished away or wish someone away to get there, he isn’t getting a lot of bitches. The ones he sets his eyes on usually don’t get past the labyrinth, and if they do, they are usually kind of scared of him by that point (which I get, but also I would fold so fast), so they usually take the person they wished away and leave. He was just lucky you decided to stay and be goblin royalty in his kingdom. 

F= Favorite Position (goes without saying what this means)

Jareth wants to see your face no matter what, so stuff where you are turned away from him is a no-go. He usually defaults to missionary, as it leaves him in a good amount of control, but still allows him to see that gorgeous face of yours. If you insist he will let you ride him, as long as you face him, and only if you practically beg him. He is very insistent that he is the one on top, but he will make exceptions for you.

G= Goofy (are they more serious or humorous in the moment?)

He is not usually ever ‘funny’ when having sexs with you. He sees it as a purely passionate moment. He, no matter how soft or rough, sees sex as ‘love making’. If you make a joke, trying to get comfortable, break tension, or just think of a good joke in the moment, he will 100% at least chuckle with you. But usually? Very serious.

H= Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He isn’t going to be bald down there or anything, but he will try to keep himself trimmed up. He is just as brightly blond down there as he is up top. He will most likely just have a patch just above his privates. (Also, he would 100% have a happy trail, just saying)

I= Intimacy (how are they during the moment? The romantic aspect)

Super intimate the entire time. From start all the way to aftercare. He is always a romantic (and very dramatic) no matter if it was spontaneous, or if you guys had discussed having sex before hand. He will make sure to escort you to wherever you are having sex (most likely his bed). He will lead you by hand or maybe even carry you like the pure gentleman he is. Plenty of kisses, and plenty of ‘I love you’s. He will make it the most romantic thing that has ever happened to you, and will be so god damn proud of himself for it.

J= Jack off (do they masturbate? How often?)

He tries not to, but if you aren’t in the mood, or if you aren’t available, he will. He will do it very quickly, and very privately. He hates having to do it, but he can’t just leave the problem there, so he does if he must. And trust me, he thinks of only you when he does.

K= Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Jareth, to your surprise, isn’t an extremely kinky person. I think if you brought anything up to him, he would try it at least once. However, he only is really into slight bondage, like holding your hands so you can’t move them, or something like that. He does however have a huge breeding kink. It isn’t really about getting you pregnant, even though I think he would love to have a family with you, but it’s more about just watching himself drip out of you. It makes him go crazy.

L= Location (favorite places to do it)

He is a simple man (not really but just go with it), and he mainly just likes to do it in his bed. It is the most comfortable, and it is just easiest that way, but his throne is another place he adores doing it with you on. He will send all of the goblins away if he can’t stand it anymore, and make you see stars while never leaving his throne. He usually just has you ride him while he is sitting on his throne, but he also loves it when you ride his thigh while sitting in his lap. He loves how a wet patch forms on his pant leg. It really gets him going, however prepare for him to make you cum at least twice.

M= Motivation (what gets them going/what turns them on)

Whenever you get flustered or angry for any reason. Obviously, he hates you being upset, but you look amazing telling someone off, even if it’s him. It reassures him that you will be okay on your own here, but also, it makes him wild. Sometimes, he purposefully makes you flustered just to see you stumble over your words trying to tell him off. (he always apologizes with kisses, or more, afterwards).

N= No (something they wouldn’t do/ Hard no’s)

He wouldn’t do something that would inherently harm you, even if you say you like it. He would never hit you beyond maybe a little spanking here and there. He also wouldn’t do anything CNC, he just can’t do it. He doesn’t like roleplaying adult minor situations (due to him not being a pedo), and won’t do anything to do with a knife/blood kink. He loves you and your body too much to think he is actually hurting you. Anything else he will try at least once though<3

O= Oral (do they prefer giving? Receiving? Skill level?)

Jareth definitely prefers giving, but will gladly accept receiving as well. He loves seeing you squirm with his head in between your thighs, all those little noises you make. He almost could get off completely just doing that. Although, he won’t refuse you giving him head. He loves how good your mouth feels around him, but he would very much prefer his head being crushed by your thighs. Also, if you couldn’t already guess, he is fantastic. He will make you cum multiple times just using his mouth. Notice how I said he will and not he could. Yeah, he is going to be down there for a bit, loving every second of it. 

P= Pace (are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual?)

It really depends on both his mood, and the circumstances leading up to the moment to predict whether he is going to be fast, rough, or slow. If he had a bad day, he will just plow into you as fast and rough as he can, although to compensate for him being rough, he will whisper little praises in your ear. If he has a very good day, he will go more slowly, still keeping a decent pace, and give you little kisses all along your neck, chest, and face. If you ask him to, or if you are close, he will quicken his pace, or go a little more rough.

Q= Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He isn’t against them, they just don’t end up being very ‘quick’, more-so just spontaneous. If you are having sex, he is going to make you cum multiple times, so there is nothing stopping very quickly after it starts with him. 

R= Risk (are they game to experimenting? Do they take risks?)

Jareth will experiment with pretty much anything you ask him to unless it is in his ‘hard no’s’ category. He would be willing to take you in the goddamn labyrinth if you had asked him to, no matter what creatures and monsters may happen upon you two. So, yes, he would 100% be willing to take as many risks as possible just to make you feel good.

S= Stamina (how many rounds can they go? How long do they last?)

He is literal magic. He is fae. He can last as long as he wants. If he can tell you are getting worn out, or if he just wants to cum, he will allow himself to. Time wise, he can go at minimum three-four rounds, however if you aren’t too tired or overstimulated he can go for so many more. 

T= Toys (do they own any toys? Do they use them? On a partner? On themselves?)

I don’t think he would own any, as he can get the job done perfectly fine without them, but if you owned any and wanted him to use them on you he would be happy to(he might be a bit bitter about it since he is a drama queen but he will get over it). I don’t think he would ever use them on himself, though.

U= Unfair (How much do they like to tease)

Are you kidding me? Have you ever seen him interact with anything/anyone ever? He will tease you the entire time until you are begging and screaming for him to let you cum. He loves to give you pleasure, but he has to have a little fun, doesn’t he? 

V= Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

I don’t see Jareth as being particularly loud. He will probably just make little grunting noises, and if you are lucky, you will get a small whimper out of him

W= Wild Card (a random headcanon for the character)

He has completed untouched just by giving you head multiple times. The first time he was slightly embarrassed, but after you reassured him it was fine, he was fine with it, and it became a ‘praising’ tool for him to praise you with. Example: “See how good you make me feel just from watching you princess?”

X= X-Ray (let’s take a peek under those clothes)

Have you seen his bulge in the movie? Now, he is obviously big, I would say probably 7-8 inches, (maybe more since this is a literal fantasy world) and pretty girthy. Definitely not lacking in any department, if you catch my drift.

Y= Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He has a pretty high sex drive, but he can keep it under control for the most part. He is willing and happy to have sex whenever and wherever, all you have to do is ask!

Z= Zzz (how fast do they fall asleep afterwards?)

After aftercare, and after he makes sure you are comfortable and sleeping, he falls asleep decently fast. Probably within a good 10-15 minutes after you fall asleep, if he doesn’t have any duties to perform as king.

reblog this if you’re in the criminal minds community in 2021! i wanna see if people are here!!