I Think I’m Actually Gonna Sob

what is joe biden’s plan to get puppet history nominated for an emmy

Kinktober 2024 Masterlist (Work In Progress)

I plan on doing kinktober this year, as you can read from the title! I plan on going all out and doing as many kinks as I can get to this year, so any recommendations are highly appreciated! Pretty much anything goes! The crazier the better! I made a post previously (the one before this one) with my hard no's and maybe's on it, so check that out if you want before you request anything!

Thanks for all the support!

Here is the list so far!

Menophilia ~Menstruation/Period Blood~ (Billy Loomis)

2.

3.

4.

5. Non-Con (Charles Lee Ray)

6.

7. Wax Play (Jack Sparrow)

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19. Asphyxiation ~Choking~ (The Riddler/Edward Nashton)

20. Bondage-Webs (Peter Parker)

21.

22. Masochism/Dacryphilia ~Crying~ (Chandler Bing)

23.

24.

25.

26.

27.

28.

29.

30. Coulrophilia ~Clowns~/Piquerism ~Cutting the Body with Sharp Objects~ (Art the Clown)

31.

Could you write a Jim Halpert fic? I want it to be an x reader who has a lot of tension with Jim and one day they just need to fuck to get it out.

Jim's a tease for sure, so tension is inevitable. Hope you like it! (If not you can always request something else if requests are open!!)

Jim Halpert x Coworker!Reader

Warnings: Use of Y/N; Smut; Plot-ish; Semi-Public Sex; Teasing; Tension; Almost Getting Caught; Big Dick Jim (obvi); Fingering (fem receiving); Missionary; Office Sex; Desk Sex;

Author's Note:

This contains smut, so if you are not 18+ (or 16+ because lets be real here) do not interact with this post! If you like, reblog, comment, or follow me, I will block you! I can't stop you from reading this, but knowing you are makes me uncomfy, thanks!

Michael called an "end-of-day" meeting to, which he had been trying to make a regular thing for a few days now, in order to talk about, well, whatever he wanted. Currently, he was saying something about the Halloween party coming up. It was hard to focus with the chairs being so close together, it made the small "meeting room" kind of hot and stuffy. Either that or the fact that Jim's hand was brushing your thigh, his shoe inching your pant leg up slowly, then letting it drop back down. You couldn't tell if he was doing it on purpose, or if he was messing around.

He had been doing this for weeks now, and you never had the courage to tell him to either stop or take him into the bathroom and have him right then and there. It started with him "accidentally" bumping into you and grabbing your hips to steady himself, or grazing your hand as he walked by. At first you made the excuse that it was a small office, he had a desk right next to yours, and even that he was just clumsy. Then he started to be more touchy. He would put his arm around your shoulder when you guys were talking to people. He played it off as a "friendly gesture", but you knew it wasn't when his hand would graze the side of your breasts, or play with your hair, tugging every so often. It got to the point where you couldn't be around him without him touching you in some way. It wasn't like you didn't like it, in fact it turned you on. You just couldn't tell if he was messing with you.

Which brings you to now. His hand slowly inching to your inner-thigh, his shoe messing with your pant leg. You were focusing all your attention on not squirming in your seat. You didn't want to bring alert any of the other people in the very crowded room.

It wasn't until he removed all contact that you snapped back into focus, noticing everyone getting up from there chairs. You quickly got up, ready to get out of there, your body buzzing with arousal.

You were bending over your desk, logging out of your computer, when you felt a pair of hands on your waist. You gasped at the sudden contact and whipped around, meeting Jim face to face. By this point everyone was either gone, or heading out the door, the only one still there being Michael, who was in his office with the blinds closed.

"What are you doing?" You breathe out, barely able to look him in the eye.

"Saying hi. Do you... not... want me to say hi?" He asks, smirking, his eyes half-lidded.

You could barely breathe, his hands, still on your hips, were slowly making their way underneath your shirt, and up your waist. His soft, strong hands rubbing up and down your soft skin.

You finally get enough sense to do something, and reach up, grabbing his neck, pulling him down and forcing your lips together. He groans into your lips, moving you backwards until you bump against your desk. His tongue prods your lips and you immediately let him enter your tongues clashing against one another, teeth bumping each others. He bites your lip causing you to moan, muffled by his mouth pressed against yours. He moves his hands to your ass, about to help you jump onto the desk behind you when you both hear a thud coming from Michaels office.

You both immediately separate, realizing you could be caught at any moment. Your hands go to your shirt, pulling it back down and smoothing it down, while Jim's hands flatten his hair back down. Michael opens up the door to his office, grabbing his things, and leaves to get his coat.

He turns to the both of you and says, "Have a nice weekend you guys! Remember to get the cupcakes for the Halloween party Monday okay Jim?"

"Yeah, yeah. See you Monday!" Jim says, his gaze making its way back over to you.

Michael leaves, the door closing with a loud thud, and Jim's hands are immediately on you again. This time he grabs you, actually lifting you onto the desk, and immediately one of his hands goes to the button on your pants, the other going to grip your hair as he shoves his mouth against yours.

He breaks away from your lips for a moment, his warm breath fanning against your lips as he says, "Are you sure about this? It's fine if you don't want to, you know."

"I think I am going to go crazy if you stop now," You say, laughing softly.

He chuckles, diving back into your lips, his fingers wrapping around your hair as he unbuttons and unzips your pants. You take your hands off of his chest, where they were grabbing at his shirt, and slide your pants off, dropping them to the floor. His hands leave your body and go to undo his slacks, pulling them, along with his boxers, down to his knees, his hard length popping out and hitting his stomach. It takes everything in you not to groan as you wrap your fingers around it. It is girthy, making you unable to wrap your hand around it fully, and very lengthy. He pulls away from your mouth as you glide your thumb over his tip, spreading the precum dribbling down his shaft with your hand.

"Fuck, Y/N. You don't know how long I've thought about this," Jim moans in your ear.

You pick up the pace as you answer, "I bet about as long as you've been teasing me. If I had to guess, of course."

His laugh turns into moans as I rub my thumb across his tip again, moving his hands to your thighs. He moves his hands higher, until they are right where you want them. His fingers pull at your panties, pulling away from you for a moment to look you in the eyes.

"Are you-" You cut him off by pressing your mouth against his again.

"For the last time, yes. Yes I am sure. No I am not going to regret it. Now please touch me Jim," You say, clenching your thighs together, needing to relieve some of the pressure.

"Fine," He says, shoving you onto your back.

He pulls your panties off quickly, throwing them over his shoulder, and rubs his fingers through your slit. He groans at how wet you are. He spreads your wetness through your folds, stopping every so often to rub circles into your clit. You slap your hand to your mouth to muffle your moans.

Jim reaches his free hand up to pull your arm down, "Let me hear you, Sweetheart. Come on baby."

You whimper as he pushes a finger into you, slowly massaging your clit with his thumb. His long, slender finger reaches places inside of you that you could never reach on your own before. Your pussy squelches with wetness as he shoves another finger into you.

You look up at him, his eyes never tearing away from your wetness, seemingly hypnotized. He thrusts his fingers in and out of you faster, each time they come away soaked and glistening, before he shoves them back in again, curling them deep inside of you, hitting that spongey spot inside of you. You try to find something to grip on the flat surface of your desk, unable to find something to keep you grounded. Jim, noticing, grabs both of your wrists with his large hand and pins it to the desk above your head, inserting a third finger, with slight resistance, at the same time.

"So tight, baby. Gonna come on my fingers? Please come for me Sweetheart," He says, leaning down to kiss your face, your neck, your shoulders, as he thrusts his fingers faster and faster, his thumb continually rubbing your clit, the pressure overwhelming.

You moan a string of curses as your pussy clenches his fingers, the coil of pressure inside of you bursting. You try to clench your thighs closed, but he leans down, his shoulders keeping you from doing so.

He slowly stops moving his fingers inside you and takes them out, looking you in the eyes as he licks them clean. He groans like he hasn't ever tasted anything as delicious as you.

"Made a mess, didn't you?" He asks softly.

You nod, barely conscious enough to do that, still coming down from your high.

"Think you can do it again f'me? Hm?" He asks, bringing his hand down to pump his dick which is dripping with precum.

You nod again, "Mhm. I can do it Jim, promise."

He smiles down at you, "Ok pretty girl, let's see."

He pumps his cock a few more times before he slowly inserts it into you, a wet squelching sound emanating from your folds. He groans and his head falls backwards as he thrusts into you, the base of his dick meeting your hips. You moan loudly, straining against his hand holding your wrists to the desk. His other free hand grabs your right leg and pushes it back and out slightly, allowing his to thrust into you deeper and at a new angle.

"Fuck Jim, faster please," You moan out, your eyes beginning to become unfocused.

His thrusts become faster, rougher, the sounds of skin on skin echoes around the office. If anyone were to walk in there would be no hiding what the two of you were doing, no lying your way out of this one. That thought only made you clench harder around Jim, causing his hips to stutter.

"I'm so fucking close Y/N," He whimpers out between thrusts, taking his hand off your wrists in order to circle your clit again.

His thrusts became erratic, forcing you to grip his arm that was holding onto your thigh. You gripped the edge of the desk behind your head with your other hand to stop you from moving on the desk. Your vision went white as you came, your pussy clenching Jim's dick causing his hips to stutter, pulling out and coming on your soaked folds and thighs.

"Fuck. Fuck Y/N," Jim muttered as he slumps down in your office chair that was pulled out from your desk.

"Yeah... How the hell am I going to sit next to you Monday?" You ask, half joking.

"I guess we'll just have to do it again," He responds, smirking at you.

GO GRANDPA GO

I would like to formally apologize to the fbi agent monitoring my internet activity for the amount of Spencer Reid and Aaron Hotchner smut I read. I'm sorry but fbi agents are hot, so hit me up??

reblog this if you’re in the criminal minds community in 2021! i wanna see if people are here!!

early criminal minds (seasons 1-5) is so fucking funny if you think about it from the perspective of literally anyone that the BAU interacts with outside of each other. to recap what’s going on, let’s go over the team. We’ve got:

Elle Greenaway- murderous bitch who maybe murdered someone in cold blood (claimed self defense but who can prove that?)

Spencer Reid- a genius with both mommy and daddy issues who looks like a fourteen year old TA and does magic tricks whilst, at some points, zooted off his ass on dilaudid

Jason Gideon- man who screams at crime scenes and lays down in blood stains

Derek Morgan- calls their tech analyst like “ugh mommy shove that nice hot information down my throat”

Penelope Garcia- the aforementioned Information Mommy, who talks to the team (specifically morgan) like a phone sex operator trying to make enough to cover rent

Jennifer Jareau- bubbly blonde woman who yells at TV reporters and kicks ass

David Rossi- rich, elderly, famous crime novelist who DEFINITELY should be retired

Emily Prentiss- goth lesbian who DEFINITELY has cursed folks out in one of the many languages she knows

Aaron Hotchner- tired workaholic man, trying his best to hold this shitshow together, also beat a man to death

like, can you IMAGINE??? it’s the worst week of your life. Some madman is running around, i don’t know, killing folks and cutting off their nipples or something, and this absolute clown brigade rolls up like “ah yes, just another Tuesday for us lmao” and start asking you questions about what kind of dirt this murderer had stuck to his shoes, and then they SOLVE THE CASE???? what the fuck must you be thinking at that point

Red

Summary: Spencer can’t keep his eyes off your mouth. It must be your new red lipstick.

Warnings: Smut. 18+ ONLY. Minors DNI. Oral (M receiving)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x F. Reader

See My Masterlist Here

“At least try it on. I’m sure it will look great on you.” Penelope pleads with you. You sigh, picking up the tube of red lipstick Emily got you for your Secret Santa gift. You had never been a big fan of colorful lipstick, always sticking to the nude shades you were comfortable with.

You look down at your dress, a sparkly, black mini dress that hugged your body in all the right places. You were going to a New Year’s Eve party at Rossi’s. JJ, Emily, and Penelope were going to be dressed to the nines. You didn’t want to feel left out. So, you hesitantly bring the tube to your lips, slowly applying the color. You push your bottom lip out, pouting to get a good look.

Surprisingly, it looked great on you. “Wow! You’re a total babe!” Penelope squeals, lightly shaking your shoulders. You take a few selfies together before leaving for the party.

“Baby girl, looking good as always. And who is this stone cold fox?” Derek jokes pulling you in for a hug. Spencer peeks around the corner, to see what all the commotion was. You smile at him, waving slightly. He smiles back, dark eyes twinkling as he looks at you. His gaze stops on your lips.

You notice he swallows thickly, large hands wringing together nervously. His eyes fall to the floor when he notices you watching him carefully. You frown, wondering what that was all about.

Drinks are flowing as Rossi sets the table with the dinner he made for everyone. While you’re eating, you can’t help but be aware of Spencer, who can’t keep his eyes off you. No, not you, your mouth. Every time you take a bite, Spencer’s fork loudly clinks against his plate.

A drop of sauce falls on your bottom lip, when your tongue darts out to lick it off, Spencer chokes on his wine. He puts a hand up, shyly signaling that he is okay.

After dinner, the team separates in the back yard. Emily and Hotch are talking, suspiciously close together. Penelope is almost in Derek’s lap, giggling as he whispers in her ear. JJ, Will, and Rossi are filling up their glasses at the wine station Rossi set up.

You and Spencer finish cleaning up in the kitchen. He walks way, heading for the back door. You catch his wrist, wrapping your hand around it. “Come here.” You walk toward the guest bedroom Rossi said was yours for the night. You open the door, the creaking so loud, you’re afraid you might get caught sneaking around.

You shut it quietly behind Spencer as he walks in. “What are you doing?” He asks, scrunching up his nose. “I noticed that you keep staring at me, or my lips I should say.” He swallows, his adams apple slightly bobbing. “I - I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-“ You push him toward the bed, the back of his knees hitting the mattress as you shove him down.

“Shhh. No need to apologize. I don’t mind the staring. I like it.” He runs his hands through his mess of curls as you sink down on your knees in front of him. You reach for the button on his slacks, when you feel him grip your wrists to stop you.

“You don’t have to do that.” You twist your hands, freeing yourself. “I know I don’t have to, Spencer. I want to. Loosen up, live a little.” At your request, he helps you by undoing his pants, and sliding them down his legs.

His impressive length throbs as you stroke it gently, bringing it to your lips. You slowly trace a vein with your tongue, loving the way he shivers under your attention. You drag your tongue languidly over him, swirling around the head as your hand grips the base.

His breath hitches when you finally take him all the way in, lips sealing around him. You lock eyes with him as you begin to suck. “Oh fuck, that feels so good.” He praises you. You clench your thighs together, Spencer hardly ever cursed. It was beyond sexy to watch him come apart because of you.

Spencer whimpers as you bob your head up and down, taking him deeper. His long fingers tangle in your hair, pulling you further down on him. Saliva drips off your chin onto his thighs, as you struggle to take him. When you adjust to his size, you swallow around him, earning a whimper from him. His knuckles turn white as he grips the comforter on the bed.

“I’m gonna c-“ He starts, tapping on your head so you can stop if you want. The fucked out look in his brown eyes makes you pick up your pace. You lock your arms around his thighs, pulling him to you. You flatten your tongue, pursing your lips as you suck harshly, tightening your throat around him. Your name falls from his lips like a prayer as he spills down your throat.

You remove him from your mouth, confidently sticking your tongue out to show him you had swallowed every drop he gave you. Spencer blushes, throwing his arm over his face as he lays back against the mattress. “I need a minute.” He tells you. You walk over to the mirror on the wall, using your thumbs to wipe away the mess on your chin and tidy up your smeared lipstick. You look at your phone to see it was a little after midnight. “Happy New Year.” You say over your shoulder, as you leave the room.

Tags

@cindylynn @potter-puff007 @multifandom-worlds @mochie85 @wheredafandomat @cynbx @lover-of-books-and-tea @lamentis-10 @zzumkii @megharat-barnes-reid @anonymously-ominous @kats72 @vivian-555 @itzdarling @emarich7 @nomajdetective @aelinismyqueen @wildernessflora @academiareid @loz-3

Incorrect Quote Fic- Joey and Chandler

Joey: Could you be anymore annoying?

Chandler: Yes.

Keep reading

reblog if you are interested in this mole