Kukris

I'm just tired of people being ugly to each other.

Make it stop. For everyone's sakes.

What if, instead of being shamed for eating the fruit in the garden of eden, Adam and Eve were praised for learning?

"Congrats, you two have knowledge, now go out and learn about the world."

The God of the Bible is turned into a disappointed father rather than an angry God.

"Why did you guys do that? You should've known better."

"A family of 8 made a boat without any directions, I just gave dimensions. They're smarter than all of you."

I used to put caution/warning marks in my earmuffs when I used to work loud saws as a job.

I thought they were hilarious because "haha, loud saw, and I can't hear anything," but I feel like it should be normal to put those marks on earmuffs even if it's not loud.

Imagine your autistic and wearing muffs with warning signs on the sides; people will probably approach you with caution.

Something to try

#agreed

Headcanon: goblin is a homophone heavy language; you can learn a quarter or so of it and b able to understand the rest.

This sounds amazing, but it also has the Grammer of a drunk man: n's and l's are dropped, double letters are dropped, and many noises are terribly recorded.

A number of words are borrowed words from other languages as well, which makes it more complicated.

Example: "behl e banum" has several possibilities:

Either "that large animal is over there" or "that large animal is constipated," or "nose in dirt, poo is good," and only those fluent in the language understand the context and how to respond without sounding like an idiot.

"Gway ot ma gassa" gets even messier; "ma gassa" and "magassa" are two completely different things, and "ot" and "öt" can lead to disaster if swapped around.

This is why it sounds like noise; because it's several layers of context and percise pronunciation.

They seem like canon fodder, but in groups, word spreads fast, and what's implied is understood.

They should invent a job that i actually want to do

Humans are weird: The Music Boxer

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When humanity truly began expanding into the stars they brought many things with them. Philosophy, war, Gelato, and even furry creatures called “Cats” which became regarded as god like beings to some societies. One thing often not discussed was their enthusiastic forms of physical activity play called “Sports”.

Initially, sports were regarded as little more than children activities by non-human species. In the face of scientific research and warfare which dominated the galactic plane many did not have time for such things; yet when compared to the seriousness of which humans regarded some sports and their willingness to “throw hands”, as the humans said when initiating physical violence, over sporting disputes it started to gain more traction.

Militaristic species like the Vendari and the Koon quickly adopted Football and Soccer, as they both highlighted physical strength and strategic thinking. The Mig became enthralled by Golf as they enjoyed careful planning and mathematical positioning. Even the Nucal started using beer pong to resolve political debates, although primarily for the fact it allowed them to drink.

One sport that really took off and soon formed a pan-galactic tournament was boxing. Although, it’s primary title holder was somewhat of a controversial pick.

Gen’Vo was the most renowned boxer throughout the quadrant and current title holder of pan-galactic contender, the highest award given for the tournament. They were also a Trippit, which meant they had innate telepathic abilities which included mind reading.

Many of their wins were attributed to the fact Gen’Vo could literally read the mind of their opponent and know exactly what they were about to do. This led to an outpour of challenges to Gen’Vo’s victories, yet the tournament guidelines specifically stated that they would not dissuade boxers based on their species abilities. It was a delicate tightrope to walk but it was intended to ensure that all those who wished to enter the ring could. Otherwise the overly muscular Sep’nicks would never have been able to enter, nor would the insect like Dri.

Gen’Vo held the title for some seven years until finally meeting his match against the one opponent who was capable of defeating them.

Marco Arena, a human boxer.

While the initial creators of the sport, most alien participants didn’t think Marco would be able to hold his own again Gen’Vo during the final match. Their mind reading powers had already been proven to be hyper effective with defeating foe after foe.

When the bell sounded both fighters rushed forward. Gen’Vo started to read Marco’s mind but was surprised to hear nothing but music playing. They became so lost in the confusion that they failed to raise their guard fast enough to block a powerful right uppercut Marco unleashed.

Gen’Vo road the blow to prevent serious damage but was still shaken. They retreated several paces and tried to read Marco’s mind again as he continued advancing; yet only heard the same musical patterns playing.

Marco delivered a flurry of punches in rapid succession that Gen’Vo was barely able to defend against. The few instances Marco left himself open and Gen’Vo stepped in to deliver a blow of their own Marco would retreat and counter as Gen’Vo over extended.

It was almost as if Marco was the one reading minds now, and for the first time Gen’Vo was devoid of his telepathic abilities.

The match lasted three rounds before Marco finally delivered a blow so hard it sent Gen’Vo flying from the ring and out into the watching crowd. Safe to say they did not get up from the blow and Marco was declared the winner.

When asked on how the human had been able to defeat the mind reading effects of Gen’Vo Marco admitted that for the last three months he had trained his body to respond to certain notes within a song. Which notes meant attack, block, push forward, retreat, etc. He trained so hard that his body no longer needed a mental command to perform an action; his muscle memory was so strong his body would react by itself.

Once again proving the deadliness of humans; even when at sports.

Ceaser was pronounced kay-sir, not see-zer. The letter C was pronounced like a K, not an S, and neither was S said like Z.

Kay-s'r not Seezer.

The j was also pronounced like an I or Y

Yul-ee-os kay-sir or kie-sir, not jul-ee-us see-z'r.

He’s so cool

Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation