I Suppose Someday, You Will Become My Enemy As Well

The death of a dream

I think for the first time I will talk about Shijima, even if her story is one of the ones that moves me the most.

Seeing her trying for the last time to do what she loves the most, and trying to immortalize it with lines and colors on paper. The tower, crooked, as if representing her trying to use all the effort she has to stay upright, even if the tower could fall at any moment. And even if it did fall, she would still be there, inside that tower, where her happiness would live.

Her desire to be happy didn't exactly only create another world, but another version of herself, because in her eyes the world is good and she was the one who couldn't keep up, so she recreated herself in a world where it would be possible to be happy, even in a tower about to fall.

Imagining herself in another world, in another place… in a place where she could be herself, even if it wasn't real, still brought joy.

Shijima's story also reminds me of the first Harry Potter book. The orphan boy who one day found a magic mirror that reflected what he most desired. He saw his parents, who had died to save him when he was a baby.

illustration by TomScribble

And Harry went there every night and day, over and over again, to be by their side, to see them smile for the first and countless times. Until Dumbledore, the professor, discovered and told him that dreams bring us joy, take us to the sweetest and deepest pleasure of living what we could never.

But it wasn't worth it to always be dreaming and forgetting to live.

At that time, it didn't make sense to me. Who would choose to stay in the real world? But the truth is that dreaming kills your hopes little by little.

Until you have none left.

Mei dreamed that Shijima would live, she did what had to be done, she stayed in the dream that Shijima made for her, but she never came back.

The wish that she had lost hope.

Tsukasa gave her the freedom to finally have enough strength to stop dreaming.

Shijima never stopped smiling, not because she was resigned to death, but because she knew that the dream would one day come to an end, but she wanted at least one version of her to be happy.

The tower, Shijima's last painting, was the representation of the happiness that she wanted to immortalize.

She was happy while she was alive, and she became eternal in the form that she loved most, painting.

Stopping dreaming is so hard. Watching the world fall apart makes it feel like you're falling apart with it. But it's necessary.

It's better to stop dreaming before you lose hope.

When hope dies, not even the world of dreams makes sense anymore.

Nothing does.

One day Harry Potter would realize that his parents were already dead, and he would have died with them if he had just kept dreaming about something he could never have.

But, just like Shijima, he knew the right moment to break the world of dreams. The boy who found the magic mirror that had been hidden in the deepest part of the castle, for having killed the hope of so many others.

Mei thought that "killing" Shijima would be the best way to break the dream

But killing her would bring nothing but negative feelings. Killing a dream won't bring you peace.

Accepting that it was good while it lasted will bring you true freedom. Like what actually happened.

She accepted that the dream was over, and went to face reality. Shijima accepted death, and Mei accepted that she is the part of Shijima that she wanted to live and be remembered, no matter how she was remembered.

I love how Aidairo make reality so raw and strong and how it reflects so well on them. How Amane "killed" his dreams, when he lost hope, how he quickly realized that the world was fake.

Because that happiness was so unreal to him.

Even if Mei had put him in a world where it would be just him and Tsukasa, happy as it should have been in the past, he would have known it was fake.

Because he no longer had hope, he killed hope when he raised the knife to Tsukasa.

When he spent so much time trying to change the past, trying to make things work out, trying to save his brother at all costs and at any sacrifice.

When he realized that going to the moon was no longer possible.

When he decided not to go anywhere.

He didn't give Tsukasa his freedom, like Mei gave Shijima - even if forced initially - or, Tsukasa himself didn't give Amane the freedom to leave, when he decided to sacrifice himself.

Amane was supposed to die.

Shijima was supposed to die.

But dreams made they postpone it.

In the end, reality still came.

And it's never easy. But at least accepting it completely is less painful than dreaming and losing everything in the end.

Seeing that none of it was real.

You're now drowning in reality and embracing the pain of a dream that never happened, but that you miss. And since that dream never came true, you lose hope.

What's there for you now besides reality?

It doesn't matter, you're not going anywhere.

Like Dumbledore said,

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live”

Sometimes, it takes a while to accept even that.

But it's needed.

I saw sk8 ova the other day and no joke this is what happens

apollo justice is so accurate as an early-20s person. he's taking whatever job he can get (even if it's cleaning toilets or babysitting instead of doing his actual career.) he says he's getting old when he's around high schoolers. he's constantly two seconds from crashing out. he lowkey has imposter syndrome; he definitely has anxiety. he's tired to his fucking bones and cranky like an old man, but also the biggest goofball to ever exist. he has savage one liners. no one takes him seriously as an actual adult. he doesn't understand teenage fads. he styles his hair in the dumbest way imaginable. he has a terrible sleep schedule. he thinks he's hot shit but he also beats himself up.

he's just so relatable. he's doing fine!

attempt at coloring

bringing this one over from twitter

Yes, that's right... even more Ace Attorney textposts. I guess I'm to a point where I'm cranking these out like a car window in the year I was born, so here's part 3. I can't make art and I'm too scared to write fics, so I leave you with this shit instead. Now with 30% more shipping!

If it's not obvious by now who my favorite characters are, let this be your sign. Will gladly take requests for specific characters though!

Thanks! Hope ya love it!

Missed the others? See for yourself -

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (you are here)

so like. what the fuck

been rereading the tbhk manga (finally) and I finally got to

MITSUBA DEBUT 🥺🥺🥺🥺💞💞💞💞💞🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

oh my gof tumblr would not let me post for the longest time but uhh anyway HAPPY BELATED MITSUKOU SUICIDE DAY!!!!!!

hey. just know that I am going insane over this

Just a silly cover of "Your Stupid Face" by Kaden MacKay, with me as Ragatha and @duskstarrysky as Jax! It started out with the bunnydoll server claiming it as their theme song and then Dusk recorded his version so I just had to lol. Don't mind the little mistakes here and there, but I had a lot of fun doing this! 10/10 would do again hehehehe

Here is the original song by the way for those interested :)

What do you mean. What do you mean Akutagawa didn't know why Atsushi saved him. What do you mean Atsushi saw how Dazai treated Akutagawa, thus adding a new layer of understanding between them. What do you mean Akutagawa wanted to kill Atsushi for fear he would never be accepted "and then—" And then what, you fell in love??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN DAZAI WAS THE DIRECTOR BECAUSE ATSUSHI TOO HAS TO ACCEPT HIS PAST—