Yeah Man It's Whatever Idrc

Putting myself back out into the dating scene has reminded me of how scary the thought of coming out as nonhuman to others can be, and the thought of having to come out to a human partner has been giving me a decent bit of anxiety.

It's easy with friends, most just accept that there's something a little "not human" about me, whether that comes from being a furry or just a general vibe, they get it. I don't have to actually sit down and explain exactly what I am to them unless I really really want to. But it's different with a partner, someone I want to be in a serious long term relationship with. It isn't something I could just casually neglect to tell them, at least not forever. I've always been bad at hiding things about myself from others, having to keep my therianthropy a secret from someone Im in a serious relationship with would be next to impossible, not to mention emotionally exhausting. I would want them to know and embrace it, but I can't pretend like there isn't a possibility that wont happen. Coming out to partners in the past hasn't gone quite the way Ive would have liked, nothing bad, but it just ended up feeling like an unspoken taboo between us and it kinda made me feel like shit. Like it was something that they loved me in spite of.

Ideally I'd love to be with another alterhuman, but obviously that more than halves my available options which are already small to begin with on account of the whole being gay thing. Idk it just stresses me out, I wish I could feel comfortable being my full self around someone else, animal and all, but I don't think Im ever going to find someone who isn't a little weirded out by it unfortunately.

Fucking animal time

"you cant identify as transspecies, thats not a real thing!! you'll always be human it's not even possible to transition to another species!!"

Fucking. Watch me.

reminder to transautistics!

you are not autistic.

you will never be autistic.

your identity is invalid.

you are harming real autistic people.

fuck you.

what neurotypicals think autistics want:

what autistics actually want:

wore my coyote tail to school the other day and on my way out of class my friend was telling me about how her younger cousin, who i would guess is probably like 9 or 10, has a bunch of tails like mine, likes to sit in cat trees, and "wants to be a cat so bad". and in my brain i was just like "shit man, idk how to tell you this but i think your cousin is actually just a cat."

Personally, I actually really like these kinds of stuffed animals! :D They're my favorite kind, and whenever I get a new one I carry it around with me everywhere for a minimum of 2 weeks. Dont get me wrong, floppy softer ones are great as well and are probably more practical if you're trying to actually play with it, but firmer, more stuffed ones feel much easier to squeeze and hold in my opinion. And with their extra weight/firmness they feel almost like the stuffy version of a weighted blanket to me! No hate whatsoever to op ofc, just thought id share my thoughts bc i honestly thought everyone felt this way lol

one thing ive noticed about newer stuffed animals is theyre more rigid. like a lot of the stuffed animals i had as a kid were floppy and easy to pose and play with, but a lot of stuffed animals now are like stiff and overstuffed so they retain a specific shape. and a lot of them feel like theyre just for display, not for a child to actually interact with. like even beanie boos vs beanie babies (no hate to beanie boos) beanie babies were floppy and beanie boos have their shape and theyre not gna move

I had a super vivid dream last night about Wolfbloods/being a Wolfblood and it's been making me ridiculously dysphoric all day.

Honestly, the worst part isn't even my lack of non-human biology or physical traits. Yes it hurts not having my paws and my tail and not being able to shift under the full moon, don't get me wrong that causes plenty of dysphoria on its own.

But the worst part for me is knowing that if Wolfblood's were actually real they'd most likely look down on me and see me as some kind of fanatical poser, rather than one of them. Idk why it bothers me so much, they're not real so it shouldn't matter. But it really does get under my skin. I hate that I'd have no way to truly prove that I'm like them, if at the very least on the inside.

And maybe I'd feel better if I was able to study and learn more about Wolfbloods and their culture, get a sense of what it's like to actually live as one. But there's so little canonical information about what Wolfblood society is like, their history, their customs. Anything that is explicitly stated or shown in the show tends to be vague or brief, so Im just kind of left trying to piece together a puzzle that's missing most of its parts. It almost feels like Im the last of a species in a way, picking through the ruins of what others left behind. It just saddens me to know how utterly disconnected I am from where I feel like I belong and that there's nothing I can do about it. There's a scene in season 2 (i think) where a character loses her nonhuman abilities, and she longingly watches from a hillside as her pack shifts under the full moon while she's forced to remain in her human form, and every time I watch it I cant help but see myself in it on such an intense level.

Idk do any other otherkin/fictionkin ever feel like this? Does anyone have recommendations for how to cope with it, or more specifically if there's any more extensive Wolfblood lore out there somewhere?

I wish ppl talked more often abt how therianthropy/non-humanity can potentially impact your entire life. I dont just mean having to deal with smaller scale things like daily shifts or species dysphoria (although those can also definitely have long term impacts), I mean like how it can very literally change the trajectory of your life.

Because of my wildebeest theriotype, I have an extremely strong desire to live a nomadic lifestyle, and I 1000% plan to do so as soon as I know how to do it safely/get the money. I will likely never be fully content staying in any one place for a long period of time, I will always seek out drastic and extended types of traveling, which is gonna really impact me down the line given the current structure of human society.

my album known as "monarch of monsters" is available now. check it out here: monarch of monsters

i also wrote a book for it. you may read it here: monarch of monsters novella

the cover art was created by @glacierclear