Lately, When I Think Of Summer, I Think Of

When there is no more depression like a stone around my neck, rare and treasured happiness becomes commonplace, and the euphoria of joy now feels like nothing, nothing at all, and contentment is not a mountain peak overlooking a panoramic view, but a flat and featureless plain. With no depression hiding me in a little pit, away from the sun, there is no shade or shelter, Just the glare, an undefended and uncharted expanse with room for dread to creep in unhindered, for uncertainty to reign when all directions look the same, and when there is no more up, no more climbing out, how do you decide where to go?

Saw that my bio says 19 but I am now 20 and I had a cognitive dissonance moment,,, I’m twenty? I am in my twenties? I survived teenagerdom not in a funny memey haha yeah I made it way but in a I am alive in my twenties and glad about it way? Like the people who said it gets better weren’t actually punking me and I am alive and breathing and excited for the future and actually starting to get choked up just thinking about it. We made it, past self. I’m so proud of you. You were very brave. You were so little and had no direction but you were so brave. And now, you can have a little travel the world, as a treat. And no more math! Maybe you’ll meet the love of your life this year! Maybe you’ll meet him this month! Maybe it’ll be 10 more years but actually it doesn’t matter because you are alive RIGHT NOW. In 2023. Which sounds fake. But I am telling you the truth. I love you even more than I ever hated you, which I am sure you know was a lot. Past tense. Rest and keep on plugging and chugging. It’s all waiting for you.

Wikipedia Poem: “Cosmic Loneliness”

“Cosmic Loneliness”, a poem made of Wikipedia snippets and inspired by @headspace-hotel’s Wikipedia poems.

Guys I took a nap in the middle of the day and had a such a vivid dream about such Devastating and Heartbreaking Loss??? And it was understated but brutal and I was driving across the sky to get to someone who in the end wouldn’t come back with me and what did I do to deserve waking up with this rock in my belly? It’s 5:30 on a Thursday and I haven’t had a break up in years :/ silly self torturing brain <3

Tonight’s self-sabotage in the form of staying up way too late is soundtracked by everybody wants to rule the world which I am absolutely losing my mind to, the melody is so -/({#%£?{#£}~!}]€£%{, that is to say an incompressible yummy heartbreaking work of genius, how can it be so happy and so sad at once? Why do I feel so emotional about this? Screee

I can’t believe Russell T. Davies just invented camp

Hi Pals, I’ve been observing Tumblr for years and I never really had a presence on here, but I’m 19 and having an identity crisis and this seems like a pretty excellent place to do it. I’m treating this blog like a diary, and I have no idea how often I’ll post or how active I’ll be, and I’m still trying to figure how to actually use this app, so wish me luck! Might share some poems, might do some web weaving, might fandom blog, might have a mental crisis, I don’t even know! Brave new world! Hope to make some friends maybe too so ask me anything I am starved for literally all interaction. Glad to join the hellsite in the year of our Lord 2022, however belated that might be.

Is anyone else like frantically and painfully nostalgic for the fall of 2013, which was TEN YEARS AGO??? Unbelievable

I fled all of the way across the sea

But there is never an escape for me

I live in paradise, no grades, no stress

Yet here I am again, always regress

When all the monsters are inside your head

An angsty teen still anxious in her bed

But I am 20, not 13, and still

I’m still trapped and depressed, please God, when will

My mental anguish end, is there no hope

Or joy for me I can sustain? Just cope

And love the Lord and lose my mind

Searching in vain for that which I can’t find

Sick to my stomach, missing all I had

Though knowing this is better, I feel bad,

No, dreadful, selfish, worthless, stupid, fake

Embarrassed, paralyzed by each mistake

I couldn’t ask for more, it’s not enough

There’s no place on this earth that’s up to snuff

I am a traveler, stranger in this land

Not Italy, but earth itself, I stand

In fear of God, oh Jesus come, your hand

Be in my life, and may this life be grand

A stupid ending to a stupid poem

My old self-loathing just wants to go home

Hello Void I am back, I am leaving for the airport in 4 hours and in about 30 hours I will be in Italy for the next four months, and I gotta tell you I am very glad that I decided to stay alive. All glory to God.