Hey, I Had This Giant List Of Welcome Home As Incorrect Quotes (I Made It Cause I Was Bored) And Thought

Hey, I had this giant list of Welcome Home as Incorrect quotes (I made it cause I was bored) and thought it would be funny to share some with the internet:

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Eddie: My hands are cold.

Frank: Here, let me hold them.

Eddie: My lips are cold too.

Frank: *covers Eddie's mouth with their hand*

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Frank: Julie gets offended by everything.

Julie: What did you say about me?!?

Frank:

Frank: Case in point.

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Barnaby: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Wally!

Wally: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.

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*the Squad at Disneyland, in the teacups*

Frank, Eddie, and Poppy: *spinning a little and talking*

Barnaby, Wally, and Julie: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

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Howdy: Wally, you’re such a genius!

Wally: Yes, I know.

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Wally: We’re having a moment, aren’t we?

Frank: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.

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*At a dinner party, the guests converse while the host is away*

Poppy: So how do you know the host?

Julie: They were a former vegan, and they bought milk.

Frank: That B****!

Barnaby: I pulled them over for money laundering.

Sally: I'm chaperoning their dinner party.

Howdy: They stole a baconator!

Frank: That B****!

Poppy: I tanked the store they were managing and they convinced me to quit from one of the only jobs I've ever had. Now I'm living off of unemployment checks and fear!

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Barnaby: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you.

Barnaby: Ask me to kill for you.

Eddie: ...First of all, calm down-

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Julie, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.

Eddie: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.

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Howdy: Hey Sally, listen, corporate makes us do this every year, but this is just a little manager evaluation form. You just fill it out, let them know how I'm doing, you know?

Sally: Alright! Uh, "Is your manager manipulative?"

Howdy: I'd say "No" to that if I were you.

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Howdy: Barnaby, I am questioning your sanity...

Frank: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.

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Barnaby: *coughs blood*

Wally: Don't die, Barnaby!

Barnaby: Don't tell me what to do!

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Barnaby: Why did you kidnap Wally!?!?!

Howdy: Ah- um- well- the reason for that is, uhh...

Frank: Sometimes, we must work together towards a common goal.

Barnaby: NOT TO KIDNAP PEOPLE!

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Frank: Heyyy Eddie, how’s your… drink??

Eddie: What do you mean drink? It’s coffee.

Frank: You sure?? *Looks to coffee maker*

Eddie: *Looks to coffee maker*

*Cement sitting beside the coffee maker*

Eddie:...I’m on my third fucking drink right now, I should be dead.

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Frank, pointing to the wall: What color is this?

Sally: Gray.

Howdy: Grey.

Frank, turning to Barnaby: Now tell them what color you think it is.

Barnaby: Dark white.

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Howdy: I just found out from Eddie today that when Barnaby died and the service did the 21-gun salute at their funeral, Julie said, “They should aim at the coffin to be sure.”

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Barnaby: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

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Wally: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-

Barnaby: A doll.

Julie: A cinnamon roll.

Eddie: A sweetheart.

Wally:

Wally: ...stop it.

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Poppy: Frank won’t come out of their room!

Sally: Just tell them I said something.

Poppy: Like what?

Sally: Anything factually incorrect.

Poppy, shrugging: If you say so.

Frank, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?

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Wally: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward.

Barnaby: I’m worried about you.

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Wally: As your best friend—

Viewer: [Insert Name] is my best friend.

Wally, holding a knife: As your best friend—

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Julie: Sorry it took so long to bail you out of jail.

Barnaby: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have used my phone call to prank call the police station.

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Wally: Hey guys! I drew everyones soul!

Howdy: Why is Julie's a monster?

Julie: Wally, you forgot your's! It's only an empty space!

Wally, proudly: Exactly

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Wally: Why am I the bad guy?

Frank: I don't know, why am I the pretty one? We all have our thing.

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Wally: Maybe the real monster was the friends we both literally and figuratively murdered along the way.

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Hope everyone enjoyed it. Maybe I'll make another one if I'm feeling like it. Like I said, I have a whole list, so I'm sure I'll be set for a little while.