Evermore Is For People Who Don't Know If Some Incident Is Supposed To Lead To Their Red Era Or Their

Somewhere, in a dream, I am 15 again. And I am peeling mandarins again in the sun. And I am laughing with my friends in class. And I go on a family trip with my best friend and her family. And we take lots of pictures. And me and my family are laughing together on the driveway at night as it rains. And I taste raspberry jam again for the first time in 10 years. And I try to find constellations in the sky. And in the morning, I have jam and butter sandwiches. And I make fairy bread for my sister. And we chop down the sugarcane from our backyard and chow it down as the juice smears our faces. And we plant roses. And my mum grows a cucumber plant. And the flocks of cockatoos still live near my house. And I take selfies in the sun. And I paint a lot and I write my first piece of poetry and the old suitcases from beneath my bed get moved. And I invite my best friend over and we go by ourselves to the old drain pipe near the stream. And I laugh till my stomach hurts. And I take the newly-washed laundry out into the sun. And suddenly, I am 15 again. And the only thing I want is for life to go on forever.

i’m obsessed with clarice lispector I think she’s one of the most fascinating figures ever I can’t stop thinking about the time she attended a panel where they were discussing the philosophy/theory of her own works and she left early because she didn’t understand a word of what they were saying and it made her so hungry that she had to go home and eat an entire chicken

Things I wanna research more:

When movie musicals became second best to theatre musicals

Time theories

Quantum theories

Astronomy

The seven other units at uni that I can’t do for this degree

Did I say time theories

Quantum physics

Physics in general

Psychology things (mental health, trauma, etc)

life is so hard when you like fictional characters more than real people

Blackstairs

saw this trend on twitter and I HAD to join ✨

Do I really need to have a job for a living??? Is it not enough to live for saying hi to the moon, for scheming through libraries for hours just to feel warm, for sighing happily at that first sip of coffee on a misty afternoon, for smiling at every dog you pass by, for looking at the stars and feeling infinite, for peeling oranges for your lover, for walking through strawberry fields before dawn, for watching pride and prejudice for the 150th time and still being amazed, for writing a shitty poetry the first time you fell in love????

I guess I‘ll never forget you, no matter how hard I try

books?? amazing. paperbacks?? soft, cozy, may fit in your pocket, cheap so you don’t feel bad for taking notes in them. hardcovers??? beautiful, pristine, ground you into the world they hold by making you grip them tighter, the stars of every bookshelf. ebooks?? convenient, cheap, always with you, a vast library that you can hold in your palm. new books?? crisp, the smell of wood, ideas waiting to imprint themselves upon the world. old books?? objects transcending history, sweet smelling, enriched by the hands that stroked their pages. books.

we grieve the future we will never have. we grieve the memories we will never make. we grieve the person we will never marry. i know that i am making the right decision by leaving but that doesnt make the grief easier. i am at peace with my own company but that doesnt mean i dont miss the comfort of having someone by my side through the ups and downs of life.

happy birthday evermore 💛🍁🍂