I Love Reading.

tis the damn season is so me. like. miss dorothea said "yes i have an on and off situationship with my ex whenever i go back to my hometown and we sleep in half the day and they call me babe for the weekend but when it's time for me to leave i will flee their bed without ever discussing what the fuck just happened because emotional intimacy is fucking hard and yes i would rather slip on a mask of indifference and false happiness than communicate to them that i fucking love them and i want them and i need them. i just can't. fucking. say that. so i'll go back to L.A. and the so-called friends who'll write books about me if i ever make it and wonder about the only soul that can tell which smiles i'm faking. and the heart I KNOW I'M BREAKING IS MY OWN !! TO LEAVE THE WARMEST BED I'VE EVER KNOWN !!" and she's so fucking real for that.

“from the moment i met you, your personality had the most extraordinary influence over me. i was dominated, soul, brain and power by you. you became to me the visible incarnation of that unseen ideal whose memory haunts us artists like an exquisite dream. i worshipped you. i grew jealous of everyone to whom you spoke. i wanted to have you all to myself. i was only happy when i was with you.”

mr oscar wilde, you’re telling me that they’re just friends?

Tea Time Emotiku

Monday, 10/24/2022, Grief

Nothing before God / Grief falls on the weary soul / We grow from this, too. © keefderpoet 2022

i’ll attempt to go to the city on my own and order a couple books on cosmology tomorrow. i’m really into that stuff. the theories of general relativity and quantum mechanics and the search of a combination of those are so interesting! also I just read how Dr. Norma Sanchez has published a theory on that in january. i really have to do some further reading on her theory!

only 20 minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany. just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you’ve seen.

-epiphany, taylor swift (2020)

epiphany definition:

a moment of sudden revelation or insight

she’s saying that these healthcare workers or soldiers only have 20 minutes to sleep cause they are in such difficult positions and when they do sleep they’re trying to escape the harsh things they’ve seen. these epiphany’s they are having are comforting.

“Come one, cheer up, it’s nearly Christmas.”

the craziest thing about books is you can pick one up and remember exactly where you read and what you felt like when you read it. maybe it was a summer afternoon and you were sad, maybe it was a school night and you were up much too late and already feeling the next morning’s regret, maybe you read the book right after a fight with your mom and you were angry. and a book brings all those emotions and memories back, even if you don’t remember the story the book actually holds. don’t tell me literature isn’t magic 🪄

bring back the habits that made you happy as a child. there’s no reason you should ever have to give up harmless things that bring you joy. you don’t have to age out of having fun. finger paint. write mediocre fanfiction and questionable poetry. put chocolate chips in your waffles. sing in the bath, and while working in the yard, and while washing your hands. hammer tunelessly on a piano. spin in circles until you fall down. climb a tree. just because you’re now in charge of your life doesn’t mean you’re expected to give up on the things that make life feel worth living