It's Raining Dog Shit + I Almost Got Hit By A Car

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' hums and agrees to the suggestion]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is looking at you!]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is asking if you would like to make a meal together!]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is surprised!]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is a bit nervous]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' accepted the invitation]

Someone should make a fanfic about this I would eat it tf up

Beacrox:*creates a spicy dish at Cales request(because Cale missed eating spicy things T^T)*

Cale:*tries it*hmmmm…. It’s good, but it could use some more spice.

Beacrox:*utter confusion* …yes young master-nim. *thinking that Cale might be insane because this is the spiciest dish he’s ever been in the presence of*

Beacrox:*adds more spice anyways because he’s so confused*

Cale: still needs more spice.

Beacrox:*worried confusion intensifies*

Beacrox:*adds more spice*

Cale: perfect.

Beacrox:*more worried confusion*

Later- *Beacrox enlists Eruhabens help to summon the whole Cale-nim protection squad*

Cale:*is summoned to his fathers office to find perhaps every person he’s ever met standing there with Choi Han looking perhaps as confused as he is*

Deruth: Son… are you feeling alright?

Cale:…yes…? What is this for..?

Beacrox:*puts the spicy dish on the desk*

Alberu: Dongsaeng, this is an intervention.

Deruth: we think something might be wrong with your taste buds.

Cale: huh? It’s not even that spicy? Try it if you don’t believe me?

Everyone in the room: *tries it and immediately starts dying(-Choi Han)*

Deruth: Dear God! That could kill a small cat!

Ohn: as a small cat, I can confirm, eating any more of that would kill me.

Cale: Oh come on! It isn’t that spicy!

Everyone:*confusion*

Choi Han:…

Choi Han:… it isn’t that bad…

Everyone:*appalled*

Alberu: You two are fucking anomalies. This is not something a human, or any race for that matter, can consume without horrible difficulty.

Cale:*walks over to the dish*

Cale:*eats the rest of it to not let it go to waste because it really does have the perfect amount of spice*

Everyone:*in utter terror as Cale shows zero reaction*

Alberu: I am terrified of you.

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' stifled a little giggle at the answer]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' asks since there's demonic qi then that means demons probably exists in this world if so what types of demons are there?]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is curious about other immortals from different worlds]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is curious about you]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' asks if you are a god as well?]

As well? Who else do you claim to be a god?

No one calls me a god, including myself, but if they were to worship me, I doubt I'd be a benevolent diety

[ A constellation who likes to swim says hello! ]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' gasped]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is unsure of how to interact with a fellow constellation]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is nervous]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' shyly greets their fellow constellation]

*Dies from laughter*

Cale telling the worst possible person about his crush

Cale: I have a crush on someone. And since this used to be your body, I thought I should tell you.

KRS: Alright, just rip the band-aid off.

Cale: It's Choi Han.

KRS: *getting war flashbacks* Put the fucking band-aid back on.

-

Cale: Father. I have a crush.

Deruth: Oh! How wonderful, my son! Who is it?

Cale: It's the crown prince.

Deruth: *under his breath* I have kept up with my sword training and I have the element of surprise...

Cale: Father, please don't try to kill the crown prince.

-

Cale: Ron, I have a crush on someone.

Ron: Hoh?

Cale: It's Bud.

Ron: *sharpening knives* :) :) :) Hoh.

-

Cale: Choi Han. I have a crush on someone.

Choi Han: You know you always have my support, Cale-nim!

Cale: It's Choi Jung-Gun.

Choi Han: (⊙ˍ⊙) *screaming, gunshots, tornado sirens going off* Cale-nim. Why.

-

Cale: Eruhaben-nim. Eruhaben-nim. I have a crush.

Eruhaben: *deep sigh* Unlucky bastard, who is is it?

Cale: It's Duke Fredo.

Eruhaben: ... No. No, it's not.

Cale: ... Okay.

-

Cale: Witira-nim. I though I should tell you I have a crush on someone.

Witira: Oh? Congratulations, young master! But what brought this on?

Cale: Ah, it's because it's your da—

Witira: —aaaa!

Paseton: AAAA!

Archie: HAAAAH?!

-

Cale: Hyung, I have a... crush.

Sui Khan: Ah, has spring time finally arrived for you, punk?

Cale: ... It's. Um. It's Kim Rok Soo.

Sui Khan: What.

Cale: *sigh* Yeah.

Sui Khan: ... The jerk who stole your body??

Cale: ... yeah.

Sui Khan: This is not what I meant when I said you should love yourself more!

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' pouted]

[why do people always scold me for having a potty mouth it's not even that big of a deal! ಠ⁠ ⁠೧⁠ ⁠ಠ]

[also! I was just asking who you are! No need to be so rude (⁠눈⁠‸⁠눈⁠)]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is sulking]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is waving hello to Constellation Foolish Lurker!]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is grinning and insists that they will do as best as they can as a parent, and that it will be difficult, but worth the struggle if it means the egg can grow up happy and healthy!]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is asking if Constellation Foolish Lurker is willing to be their coparent, if they are so obivously worried about the egg!]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is looking at Constalation Observer of Lifetimes!]

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is looking at a particular eye with curiosity!]

Observer, how is it that your little eyes seem to have no mouths and yet still find the capacity to talk sh--

[Constellation Bored Anarchist is being dragged away!]

You constellations never stop fighting, do you..

I NEED a fic of this

The Shen Jiu & Shen Yuan dynamic I need to see more of is Shen Jiu coming to see Shen Yuan as a father figure, perhaps even a mother figure. And not in the way you think.

We are always talking about Shen Yuan's wife beam, but we don't talk about his mommy beam. I think Shen Jiu could resist the wife beam if subjected to it, but I don't believe he has any defense for the mommy beam. Now, I'm not talking about Shen Yuan transmigrating earlier than canon, meeting a child Shen Jiu and adopting him.

I'm talking about Shen Yuan transmigrating after Shen Jiu has already taken over Qing Jin peak. I'm talking about 21 year old Shen Yuan transmigrating into the body of a nameless rogue cultivator, meeting fully grown man already in his thirties Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu, and hitting him with his mommy/daddy-issuesinator and causing him a life threatening Qi deviation.

Shen Qingqiu can't help but trust him, and eventually looks up to him, sees him as a wise elder he seeks out for advice. He fucking hates it but he can't help himself. This homeless man he met in the forest is the closest thing he's ever had to a father. Also. He sort of wants Shen Yuan to breastfeed him in a, and he means this, non sexual way and he can't cope with that. He would just feel so safe!!

Shen Yuan, 21 years old, rogue cultivator, first time transmigrator and the father who stepped up, thinks he befriended the scum villain, and maybe? He can be a good influence on him? Be a good friend and guide him towards a fully limbed future. He's practically raising him but nobody tell him that.

Shen Jiu lost his childhood to slavery and his teenage years to violent madmen. and now he's behaving in ways he doesn't understand. He once lost Shen Yuan in the town's market, ran towards a man who looked exactly like Shen Yuan from behind, and almost had a panic attack when the man turned out to be a stranger. It's all good because Shen Yuan found him before he started swinging Xiu Ya ("Have you seen my friend? He's this tall, clearly traumatized, but we haven't had the talk")

People think they're lovers at some point because Shen Jiu is quite possessive of Shen Yuan's attention, but everybody realizes that there's something way more innocent, and also weirder, and worse, going on between them when Shen Yuan drags Shen Qingqiu by the hand to apologize to the sect leader for being so rude when poor A-Yue is trying his best, and stands there with arms crossed, eyebrows raised, until Shen Qingqiu mumbles an apology, glances at Shen Yuan, and runs away.

"I'm sorry about that, Sect Leader Yue, he's had a bad day. I'm sure he didn't mean it."

Yue Qingyuan, someone who did actually sort of raise Shen Qingqiu, who's stood in Shen Yuan's shoes before, extracting reluctant apologies from an indignated Shen Jiu, to authority figures so he wouldn't get in trouble, is overcome by an intense, never before experienced wave of jealousy, so sudden it makes him spit vinegar flavored blood.

Then, a panicked Shen Yuan accidentally hits him with the mommy beam by accidentally adopting him (trying to befriend this guy who clearly needs a friend he can confide in!). And now he's placed himself in the young step-mom role who's desperately trying to bond with her new husband's teenage children but they're wired to not like her! (He used those exact words when explaining to Shang Qinghua where that new tension he has with the Sect Leader came from)

Liu Qingge is afraid of him. Maybe. He runs away when their eyes meet but he keeps leaving dead things at his feet so like, he's probably threatening him? He feels intimidated by him? Or something?

(Liu Qingge thinks Shen Qingqiu's older brother is so cool and really wants to hang out with him, but if Shen Yuan calls him Didi one more time Liu Qingge's barely held back "Yes, Gege?" Is going to jump out of his mouth and he WILL Qi deviate and EXPLODE)

When Binghe enters the equation shit gets a lot weirder.

First, he believes Shen Yuan to be Shen Qingqiu's neglected spouse (Shizun keeps leaving his poor wife alone when he goes out on night hunts and to visit brothels! Shen Yuan has needs!! He should be with someone who cherished him!! Someone who would treat him as he deserves to be treated, someone who'd wait hand and foot on him!!!) needless to say, Luo Binghe's teenage fantasies take on an even more illicit turn than in canon (it goes from "STERN TEACHER POUNDED BY STUDENT AT BAIZHAN TRAINING GROUNDS" to "NEGLECTED WIFE CHEATS WITH STUDENT ON HUSBAND'S BED!! IMPREGNATED WHILE HUSBAND IS AWAY")

Luo Binghe, of course, does his best to seduce him, but ends up being coddled and cuddled.

"it's like I'm his handmaiden, his shadow, the only witness to my lady's heartbreak at her husband's cold regard and indiscretions. Shizun won't spare him a moment if not to discuss cultivation or business! He won't allow Shen Yuan more than a head pat! and move away from any other touch! How ungrateful! They don't even share a bed! I brush his hair, I dress him every morning, I pour him tea and he lets me rest my weary head on his lap. The intimacy we share is not sexual, but Ning-Shijie, I wish it was! I saw the outline of his dick yesterday and I need it!"

"A-Luo please stop talking."

Then, he realizes he misunderstood. Shen Yuan is a cultivator so of course he looks so young! Shen Yuan is clearly Shen Qingqiu's father. He's constantly worried for his un-filial son and remains by his side!! That explains everything!!!(LONELY DILF RIDES YOUNG MAN ON QING JING'S LIBRARY!! HE WISHES YOUNG MAN WAS HIS SON!!!!)

He goes from trying to steal Shen Qingqiu wife to steal his father. He could be Shen Yuan's friend, lover, and son. His student. His confidant. His silly rabbit.

Shen Qingqiu KNOWS this. But nobody will fucking believe him!! The jiejies at the pavilion giggle and tell him he must be exaggerating, and when he went to Yue Qingyuan so he could intervene and fix it, Yue Qi just looked at him dead eyed and said to "Let him." !!! Let him what?? Deflower our father Qi-Ge??? Shame on you!! That beast is trying to break this family apart!!

But wait!!! look!!! a crack opened in the fabric of space and reality, leading directly to hell. Wouldn't it be a shame if someone were to, accidentally, drop kick this homewrecker inside it?

Luo Binghe's is gone when Shen Qingqiu realizes oh wait, that was a demon mark on his forehead wasn't it. Oh good, now he has an excuse. Baba will understand.

(Baba doesn't understand. Baba acts as if he's lost his soul and won't look him in the eye. He's also growing mushrooms bodies in the garden, and added a drop of Shen Qingqiu's blood in the seeds before planting? Which is odd. but at least if he's gardening then he's not staring at that swordmound for hours on end)

I don't even know where I'm going with this

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' rubbed their cheek against you]

[I still think you're pretty cute even as a human ꒰⌯͒•ɷ•⌯͒꒱]

[tho you're more silly than cute ヾ( ´ー｀)ﾉ]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is once again burying their face in your plushie head if they were a cat they would be making loud purring noises]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' sponsored 200 coins]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is looking at you with sparkling eyes]

[oh my god plushie dokja Σ>―(〃°ω°〃)♡→]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' had picked you up and started cuddling with you]

[so soft so cute (⑉• •⑉)♡]

(The squid is waving his little tentacles.)

I'm not cute-

(Squid Plushie: 9!)

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' tilted their head in confusion]

[then how does it work? (?・・)σ]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' sponsored 200 coins]

[I just heard about the kiss and eeeeeek- it's sooo cute! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is squealing and kicking their feet like a schoolgirl]

[Constellation 'Random Dyslexic Reader' is excitedly asking when will the wedding be]

(His face goes bright red.)

Wedding?? There will be no wedding-

Someone should write a fanfic about this (⁠✯⁠ᴗ⁠✯⁠)

Rok Soo's ability isn't Instant AU

Instead of being able to, very briefly and painfully, fuck with time; he got an ability based on all the absolute bullshit that's happened to him.

From the childhood, to his friends dying in front of him. All the shitty rumors that sprouted up, all the shit luck, all of it. Just, all of it.

So instead of Instant, he got Lament.

Lament is a scream capable of leveling buildings, at the cost of absolutely shredding Rok Soo's throat.

As a result of that power, Rok Soo doesn't talk often, and when he does his voice is hoarse and pained. He also refuses to speak at full volume, because while he's got a handle on his power, he's paranoid that he'll slip up.

So when he transfers over to the body of Cale, people notice.

The Young Master went to bed his usual talkative self, but when he woke up?

Barely a word, and when he did speak, a whisper.

Cale barely speaks a word to Ron beyond the single syllable required. Barely bothers to acknowledge Deruth. Relies on hand-speak and notes to talk to merchants.

Deruth is going crazy trying to figure out what the hell happened to his son, Ron is very close behind him because what the hell got past him? He's Ron Fucking Molan.

Then Cale comes home with a bedraggled punk that smells like the trash the killed Ron's family, and Ron has to listen in astonishment as he says more to this jackass than he's said to Ron in a week.

Basically; Cale's power of Lament is so strong and painful that everything Cale is paranoid of letting it slip, that he's selectively mute. This causes many misunderstandings, in true Cale fashion.