She Actually Hacked Me For This One

she actually hacked me for this one

chasing city lights

chapter 19 - what if

synopsis: you move to new york to start fresh, hoping to find comfort in the city’s atmosphere. that’s when you meet sarah cameron, where she takes you to a concert and you catch sight of the lead band member, rafe cameron. it only takes a moment for you to realize you’re captivated by him. as sarah helps you navigate your new life in the city, you start to get pulled deeper into rafe's world—the music, the fame, the chaos. the more you get to know him, the more you realise that rafe is not just the rock star he seems to be. he’s wrestling with his own demons, and the last thing he needs is someone like you getting close.

masterlist

cw: language, angst

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ ☾. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

it had been a week since you and rafe had broken up, and you didn't know what hurt more. the fact you were no longer with him, or the fact he hadn't tried to reach out. not once.

you know you couldn't be upset about that, considering you broke up with him, but part of you hoped he would've tried harder to stay.

and that hurt more than anything.

because now you were left wondering, had it really been that easy for him to let go? had he moved on ? had you spent the last eight months loving someone who was only waiting for an excuse to walk away?

your phone sat on your nightstand, untouched, as if the silence from him was something tangible, something suffocating. you had checked it a million times, hoping to see his name flash across the screen. but it never did.

not a single message. not a single missed call. nothing. you should be relieved. this should be making it easier. but it didn't at all.

you didn't even ask sarah how he was doing as you were too scared to find out the answer. what if he was doing good? what if he realised actually he was better off without you? what if he was happy without you?

what if losing you didn’t break him the way losing him was breaking you?

the thought made your chest tighten, a sharp, suffocating ache settling deep in your ribs. you had spent the last week convincing yourself that you did the right thing, that walking away was the only option. but if that were true, if you had really made the best decision, then why did it feel like this?

you swallowed the lump in your throat, blinking up at the ceiling as if that would stop the tears from forming.

the truth was, no matter how badly you wanted to hate him, no matter how much you told yourself you had to let go, a part of you was still waiting.

waiting for him to show up. waiting for him to fight for you.

waiting for something that clearly wasn’t coming.

every little thing reminded you of him. you hadn't seen the girls in a few days, as even being around them reminded you of all the times you'd been together as a group. everything was so quiet now.

the quiet was the worst part of it, the loneliness. the brutal realisation that maybe you had been waiting for nothing. that maybe rafe had already decided you weren’t worth the fight. because if he had really loved you the way he claimed, wouldn’t he have come after you by now? wouldn’t he have done something?

but all you had was silence.

you clenched your jaw, trying to force yourself to stop thinking about him, but it was impossible. his hoodie still hanging on the back of your chair, the faint smell of his cologne on your pillow, the way your body still instinctively turned toward your phone at every notification, only to find nothing.

you hated that he still had this much of a hold on you. you hated that you were here, in this room, drowning in heartbreak while he was god knows where, probably just fine. probably moving on.

a fresh wave of nausea rolled through you at the thought.

had he already found someone else?

had he kissed someone new with the same mouth that used to whisper i love you?

the idea of it sent a sharp pain through your chest, but you shook your head, forcing yourself to breathe. it doesn’t matter. he's not yours anymore.

that thought alone nearly broke you.

because deep down, no matter how much it hurt, you still wanted to be his.

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ ☾. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

a/n: i fear i took this one straight from my journal when i got broken up with LOL

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