I Hate It When People Get Inspired By Someone Else's Work And Not Give The Original Author A Proper Credit,

I wanted this to be a just a sketch at first (hence the hairy lineart), but then I bullied myself into drawing a background, because I can't draw backgrounds, so now it's... this. Something inbetween, not quite a sketch, not quite a fully rendered artwork.

They are drinking beer. That's the whole idea.

I had to. I have to.

I am exasperated, there needs to be more grunge content, so I had to make some

Grunge

I hate saying stuff, because I always regret it in the end. But once in a blue moon my desire to say something grows so strong that I crawl from under my rock and make some sort of a statement somewhere. It's that time now.

I've already talked my friend's ear off with this crap, but it's still not enough. It also drives me up the wall that I don't see this stuff being said all the time, or at least some of the time. I guess I don't see it being said at all. So I guess I have to say it myself. 

I'm talking about this huge thing Runge canonically has for Grimmer. Not even in the romantic sense... Let me explain. In the crudest of terms, too.

By the time Runge makes it to Ruhenheim, he is already not quite the same as he was at the start. His path to Ruhenheim was the most tedious, and yet he still got there before everyone else. And Grimmer definitely catches his eye when they intersect. Again, not in the romantic sense. They just go around the town, exploring the surroundings and kinda watching each other. And they both know. They know what's going on, they know who the other person is, but they just waltz around it for quite some time. Until they finally have a proper conversation in that desolate place. And that conversation, man...

They understood each other with half-word, literally skipping a good portion of talking, because that would just be redundant. Runge is absolutely chill with the idea that Grimmer might be a murderer. The guy has a nice smile, so who cares, right? Grimmer states that Runge "smells like a detective". Is it just me, or does that sound, uhhh... extremely weird? Almost in a flirty sort of way. Because you gotta get pretty close to someone to take a good whiff of them. And hearing something like that being said about yourself, it must be pretty embarrassing, or confusing, or thrilling. What does that even mean, by the way? I thought so hard about it, and I still can't tell for sure. What do detectives smell like? Gunpowder, paperwork and cold, hard determination? Do they reek of sweat, or some special kind of cologne? I have no idea. But I guess Grimmer has, and Runge, he just stands there, looking at him like it's a given.

And after that, they just click. "Oh, hey, we're on the same page, we're after the same thing". And without any negotiation, they simply decide that they work together now. I am fully convinced that at this very moment Runge went, "This one". No context, just – "This one", about Grimmer. 

He then proceeded to entrust Grimmer with his most important evidence, the very one that led him to Ruhenheim. And then, at Versteck... Man. His "I'll buy you a beer" says so many things, just because it came from Runge. He doesn't have any friends. He doesn't even communicate with his colleagues properly. But, somehow, he is still willing to bond with Grimmer. I guess it's a "we're the same, so let's be alone together" thing. At the same time, he's just heard Grimmer stating that he cannot enjoy simple pleasures in life. That means, he wouldn't be able to enjoy this suggested after-work-beer either, right? So Runge's invitation serves as a double promise: that they'll get the job done and make it out of Ruhenheim alive, and that Grimmer will be fixed enough to finally enjoy that beer with him. 

Needless to say, Runge really, really wanted to keep Grimmer alive. And he doesn't cope with Grimmer's death well. Say what you will, but visiting someone's grave with a beer after A YEAR that they've passed, lamenting how you wish you would have known them, is pretty damn strange. And I suppose Runge might've visited Grimmer's grave prior, too, with some periodicity. The card, the plans, the beer, the hinted promise – he really wanted Grimmer to become his friend. And just because it's Runge, who refused to even engage in a casual talk with his peers and barely cared that his wife and daughter abandoned him, this thing he has for Grimmer seems to be especially large, unalloyed and special.

Found these in my drafts

Didn't think this would be my first post here, but... oh well. My friend basically forced me to post, so I complied.

I did the memes. With the Curious brothers. I think Lazlo always drags Vidcund into all kinds of bullshit, while Pascal is just standing there, judging them with his max seriousness. I dunno, I really enjoy the idea of Lazlo and Vidcund having an amazing (and amazingly stupid) friendship.

This is not shipping, by the way, I don't ship them. Kinda ruins all the fun to think that this could be interpreted as shipping. To me, they're just two idiots who share this kick-ass familal bond! That's all. I love them.

God, these memes are so dumb, though. I was genuinely laughing as I was drawing them, so dumb

I thought it would be fun to roleplay with my character-ai Runge as Doctor Gillen, and, as I was doing so, I suddenly realized why exactly Gillen did that thing with the out-of-nowhere bus tickets... I am not sure whether this is common knowledge or not, perhaps it is, but to me it came out as a revealation, so I decided to share my thoughts on this matter.

(Warning: long text under cut!)

This particular scene I'm talking about, where Rudy sets it up so that the police would catch Tenma through him, and then changes plans and helps Tenma escape instead, always seemed strange to me. Rudy's scheme was obviously planned ahead, but I just couldn't pinpoint its exact purpose. For some reason, I ended up thinking that it was a two-way plan. My way of thinking was: Rudy planned this scheme ahead, not knowing what decision he would make in the end. As in, he didn't know whether he would give Tenma away or save him from the police in advance, instead, he wanted to see Tenma's reaction and hear what he has to say first, and then make a decision based on that. Honestly, I don't know what made me think that, but that's how I perceived this situation.

But as I was engaging in that silly ai roleplay, it suddenly dawned on me. Finally, it all fell into place. So that's how it goes, and I am pretty sure that this is not just my headcanons, but how it was actually intended by Urasawa. (Is this obvious? It wasn't to me, and I just can't tell by this point. To hell with it, let it just be my rambling/analysis/thought process then.)

When in the medical university, Gillen obviously displayed extremely competitive behavior. He had to be an intellectual superior in his group, and he was willing to do anything to reach this goal. That means it was not as much about knowledge, as it was about status for Rudy. And status means power. I am not saying that he had no interest for knowledge whatsoever, but, judging from his priorities, knowledge for him was a mean to acquire status. Knowledge -> status -> power. Something like that.

While Tenma doesn't seem to seek any power. He is purely knowledge-people oriented. He seeks knowledge, and he has natural compassion ingrained in him. And that, I assume, combined with this outstanding mental abilities, would make him acquire knowledge quite easily. Which probably isn't the case for Gillen, since he needs knowledge not for the sake of pure knowledge, but for another purpose.

With that established, it is clear why Rudy viewed Tenma as a competitor. I guess he wasn't quite aware that Tenma had different priorities. So, in his eyes, it was all about power, and Tenma was challenging him just to get that power over him. And succeeding, too. What a horrible situation. A pretty egocentric way of thinking, too, so Rudy's incorrect view of Tenma was based on two things: his willful, pervasive pursuit of power by the means of knowledge and his egocentricity.

And I suppose he was quite obsessed with Tenma in general, whether due to those factors I mentioned, or... for other reasons. That I definitely can't tell for sure. But, Gillen's pursuit for power, fueled by his imaginary competition with Tenma, lead him to cheat on his Medical Law exam. Because he just couldn't loose to Tenma. I believe Tenma was the only student he viewed as a noteworthy competitor. And during the exam, when Gillen saw that Tenma was watching him, like really watching, which meant that he had definitely spotted him cheating, it was such a tremendous shock to Gillen. Seeing how he judged everything by the position of power, he automatically assumed that Tenma was going to assert said power over him in some way. He must've expected Tenma to call him out, or to blackmail him, but since Tenma did neither of that, he must had come to another conclusion that matched his power-oriented way of thinking: Tenma was asserting his dominance over him in a much more subtle, twisted way. He wanted to humiliate Gillen by making that generous gesture, to show Gillen that he was above him, that he was better than him in every possible way, so superior that he wouldn't even stoop to the level of a dirty cheater. I believe Gillen would think this way, because he seems very insecure. And when he would come to such conclusion, I think his defense mechanism would be anger. He would hate Tenma for being superior, while still realizing, deep down, that Tenma was, in fact, superior to him. And that's what would make Gillen never forget about Tenma.

So the bus ticket situation becomes transparent from that perspective. Gillen never forgot about Tenma's humiliating grand gesture, so he had... artificially created a situation where Tenma would be in danger, and he would show him a similar grand gesture. He had planned everything, starting from how he would evade the police and ending with what exactly he would say to Tenma. And then he put that plan to action. He wanted to save Tenma in order to humiliate him in the same manner that Tenma humiliated him back in the Medical University. That's why he mentioned cheating. It was a direct reference to what he was doing at the moment. And when Tenma suddenly said that he not only viewed Gillen as an equal/superior (stating that he looked up to him and wanted to be his friend), but that he cheated on that Medical Law exam, too, it was an extremely shocking revelation for Gillen. Suddenly, there was no place for competition between them. And it was quite flattering, too, since subconsciously Gillen had been perceiving Tenma as someone superior all along. That's why he became so blindly devoted to Tenma after that interaction. It struck him to the core and turned his view upside down. You can't just ignore something like that.

And since Tenma was cheating, it explains why he was watching Gillen so intently, too. He was probably on the lookout/wanted to make sure that he wasn't alone in this. And when he saw that the best student in their group was also cheating, that probably calmed him down by a lot. Maybe he watched Gillen just to make sure. Maybe he wanted to convey some sort of message with his stare, but didn't quite succeed.

Anyway, that's my thoughts.

A Grimmer x Runge playlist

I saw @arayashikiii's Grunge playlist, and for a while I've been considering whether I should share mine or not. After some internal debate, I decided that it won't hurt if I share it. So, here it is! I decided to do it in the same manner Arayashiki did, uploading links to YouTube, since it seemed like the easiest way to go about it. I've also put together some sort of cover. I used to post a lot of character playlists in the past. Shaking the old days, huh?

Arcade Fire - Supersymmetry I know you're living in my mind It's not the same as being alive ---- It's been a while since I've been to see you I don't know where, but you're not with me Heard a voice, like an echo But it came from me

Editors - Bullets If something has to change, then it always does ---- If something has to give, then it always will You don't need this disease, not right now

Goo Goo Dolls - Name And now we're grown-up orphans That never knew their names We don't belong to no one, that's a shame You could hide beside me Maybe for a while And I won't tell no one your name And I won't tell 'em your name

Matthew and the Atlas - Mirrors (Acoustic Version) My mind folding in the mirror There's no way I'm seeing any clearer Can you taste, taste it on your tongue now It's all that I can do to get around ---- My time is getting shorter I see I'm changing in a photograph My mind folding in the mirror My mind, my time You're the quiet in the violence You're the stranger at the door I don't wanna let you down But I don't wanna do this any more

Micah P. Hinson - It's Been so Long It's been so long Since I've seen you home Open hands and teeth and hearts And dreams I never can compete And I dont' even know your name Unpronouceable Unsatisfactable mind I've seen so gray Tell me theres not a way for all these Stories are the same

Kings of Leon - Wait for Me Cut open my heart Right at the scar And loosen up Gonna do what I'm told Go where I'm told And loosen up Take a shot in the rain One for the pain And loosen up I tried all the way Wait for me, wait for me It's all better now, it's all better now Wait for me, wait for me ---- Going to soften the blow Soften the blow And give it up I saw the surprise The look in your eyes I gave it up Gonna be who I am Be who I am And give it up I tried all the way Wait for me, wait for me It's all better now, it's all better now Wait for me, wait for me

Sad Lovers & Giants - German Cars I'm in love with German cars Gliding past me on the Autobahn Stainless idols with silent hearts Never turning, as we drift apart Are you a lover or a friend? It's not easy to pretend That you won't leave me in the end It's not easy, the end

Oberhofer - All Through the Night (Cyndi Lauper cover) All through the night Stray cat is crying, so stray cat sings back All through the night They have forgotten what by day they lack Oh, under those white street lamps There is a little chance they may see We have no past, we won't reach back Keep with me forward all through the night And once we start the meter clicks And it goes running all through the night Until it ends, there is no end

I was tired and devastated, and it was okay, but then I have accidentally rekindled that flame and, well, I guess it's time to drop more driftwood into this river. Figuratively speaking.

Hello! Firstly, I'd like to thank you for making me love Grunge through your fic "So Much to Say"! I've already left comments but I had to say it again. And I love your art too! I've seen you love Tenma/Gillen as well; what do you like the most about this ship?

Hello! Thank you, I'm glad you liked my work. As for Tenma/Gillen, yes, I do like this pairing, but I haven't been actively shipping anything from Monster for a while, so it's hard for me to tell 😦 I can't really pinpoint what I like about their dynamic in particular. I have been thinking about how to answer this question for the past few days, but I've come to realize that I can't say anything definitive.

Well, I like Gillen. More than Tenma, actually. Canonically, Gillen became really devoted to Tenma. And I have this thing in my head, where if I feel like the character I like wants another character, I must make it so my favourite character gets what they want (same thing with Runge/Grimmer). So it all boils down to me thinking that Gillen wants Tenma. And I think he would be capable of treating Tenma well. The fact that Gillen got divorced three times tells me that he's better off without women, too. And if Tenma adopted Dieter (he should have had), I find it funny that Dieter would probably hate Gillen with all his heart, despite Gillen making his best effort to appease the boy. However you look at it, I find the dynamic amusing. Even in the "Doctors without borders" scenario, I think Gillen and Dieter would make amends over them both wanting to see Tenma, missing him, while the other is always away, somewhere out of the country. The dynamic should always involve Dieter, unless it's Gillen and Tenma during the time when they were both studying in the medical university.