Just Grinned At A Tree Because It Was So Green. What Being Inside All Day Does To A Mf

Real talk: When I gave up

Okay real talk here. This journey isn't always easy, especially at the start when you've just learned everything and you're identifying with an ego. Near the beginning of my journey, I came to understand a lot of the teachings intellectually and even instinctively. There was only one thing left. To realize Self. And I would keep trying with all these practices but felt like nothing was "happening" (even though intellectually I already knew there was nothing to achieve since we are already Self!). It was frustrating (but of course! I was still looking at all this from the identification of the ego).

Then one day I was sick of trying, sick of feeling desperate, sick of being on this goddamn mental pilgrimage, that I decided to give up on trying altogether. I already AM Self. From that day on, I decided I would always identify as Self and never again as the ego. And that's when things started naturally unfolding without me even doing anything and I gained more understanding experientially. Probably an unpopular take (for realized gurus lol) but I also threw away self-inquiry as a practice because I found it to be the least helpful for me personally and why do I need to ask "Who am I" when I already know I Am?

Abandon all imaginings and know yourself as you are - Nisargadatta Maharaj

I stopped seeking. I stopped trying. I stopped asking questions (including self-inquiry yay!). I stopped doing any practices to "get" or "understand" or "realize" anything. I stopped caring about understanding more of the teachings or gaining more understanding intellectually. I stopped thinking of Self-identification as some goal to reach, something that I need to progress on. I stopped waiting for anything to happen and just enjoyed being in the Now. I didn't realise at the time and only now upon reflection I realise that I gave up on all ego activities on spirituality lol. All of that is the ego looking for something to do and trying to achieve something. Only through my experience, do I now understand more deeply the things that realized masters have said. E.g. Robert Adams said something like "stop trying and seeking to be liberated and you will be because you already are". We've imagined our prisons but we are actually already liberated and always have been.

I decided (because it's true!) I already AM Self, it's not something you need to become (or understand in order to become). And because I AM, there is nothing to do but be.

edit: I found this passage a day after writing the initial draft of this post and Robert Adams said the same thing! But giving up was something I was led to by listening to Self. Truth is Truth :)

There is nothing you can think of in this Universe that can tell you what you are. It is beyond words and thoughts. You can never with your finite mind understand who you are. So do not try to do this. It works in reverse. It is when you actually stop thinking about who you are, or wanting to know who you are, and you stop analyzing, and you stop trying to figure it out, that the truth about you is revealed. Self-Realization from Silence of the Heart - Robert Adams

Two things I didn't stop doing: observing as the witness consciousness and sitting in silence in the awareness of being. But both "practices" are things I as Self naturally do because it's my very nature! It's not the same as when I used to identify as the ego and did them because I was trying to achieve something. Sitting in silence & stillness is literally my favourite activity now haha. I'm not sure whether to describe witnessing my ego progressively dissolving or merging into Self because both feel correct? Ah but that doesn't matter. Another thing I stopped caring is to label things as well and just let everything be and unfold on its own - there truly is so much peace and beauty in just being Self! I'm only trying to use words to describe this to share with others in case it's helpful for their journeys but of course words are limiting and you can only understand this when you experience it yourself.

There is nothing to get, only just BE. And it is soooo freeing and wonderful once you understand this. Give up on trying to make the mind and ego understand you are Self, that is a fruitless task. Leave them be. Stop trying to make things happen and just let things be. The more you stay in silence with this understanding, the more the light of awareness shines through and the more you will experientially understand this. Allow things to be and happen on their own, including the permanent identification with Self. Have no desires, expectations or judgments and just surrender to the Now. Just keep being Self.

Only look at who you are, over and over and over until it becomes the permanent identification and replaces the ego. - 4dbarbie

Remember to listen to your own Self above all. Everything else is simply a guide to point you towards Self. You are your greatest teacher! So listen to your Self and do what feels right for you.

Your own self is your ultimate teacher, the outer teacher is merely a milestone. It is only your inner teacher that will walk with you to the goal, because he is the goal. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

JUNGKOOK!!

this was exactly what i needed, thank you

The 3D is not your enemy; don’t hate nor fear the 3D. You simply dismiss it because the 3D does not validate anything, it ain’t your boss, YOU are.

All you need to do is fulfill your inner state, inner man, inner world. Worrying, fearing, hating the world is not fulfilling your inner self. Changing anything on the outside is not fulfilling your inner self. Impatiently trying to see results is not fulfilling your inner self.

You can’t expect to constantly move your mirror in different angles and magically see something different. You can’t expect to break your mirror and see something different. You have to change YOU— YOURSELF. That’s what the inner man is. Your inner man is you. If your inner man already has what you want (imagining/embodying the state/affirming/ etc.) then that’s all that matters. You may not see it, and that’s okay. You don’t have to see it. You don’t even have to feel anything! Rest assured that your inner man is already experiencing what you want to experience. That’s all that matters.

Don’t stress; the 3D will eventually follow. For now, what’s more important is fulfilling your inner world.

But do not forget that you are human with feelings and emotions. It’s okay if you are impatient. It’s okay to cry. Don’t beat yourself up. You aren’t gonna stay like that forever, pick yourself up. This would not affect your state. Your thoughts will not interfere with your state. It will not affect your manifestations. I repeat, letting yourself feel will not affect nor delay your manifestations. You are safe, it’s going to be okay. This is only temporary. You are doing your best.

yall need to drop the narrative of "I become aware of something being mine AND THEN it happens fr" cuz all of this is imaginary and there isn't time.

shit has always been yours the moment you decide. if you're still "waiting" for it to come then you're not operating as God/pure consciousness.

stop trying to convince a human brain that's been conditioned to only view things perceived through the body as real to "believe" it's here. that is so unnecessary.

your God self is aware of being aware and KNOWS the ego's "desires" are here.

and if your ego gets the urge to "do something" through bodily senses then let it. let it struggle and even desire, stop trying to control thoughts when they're not even real.

all of this is imaginary and some of yall fail to realize you are absolute authority and decipher what's real or fake.

this is so simple.

(literature girl summer) we're back to finishing a book in two days

I am Awareness. I am aware of being this body right now, yet I have an infinite amount of vessels I can decide to occupy. In order for me to diminish a circumstance in the reality of my character, I must stop paying it attention and start paying attention to the things I feel like experiencing.

As I am the All, I have no desire whatsoever. The feelings of the ego do not impact me nor do its desires. All things just are, therefore it makes no sense for me - the accessor of all things - to want to strive to get it for there is nothing to get.

Concerns, fears, desires, emotions belong to the character but I am not the character, I am the awareness that is aware of this illusory idea. The character is an idea made up of false memory and thought. It does not exist. There is no-thing. There is no person here. There is no 3D. This is just a dream I made to experience life, for I am everything.

If I notice the character desires something, I do not try to fulfill her as that would be trying to fit a puzzle piece where it doesn’t belong. Instead, I start becoming aware of a person who has the things I wish to experience. Everything is at my disposal. I am at peace. I crave nothing, I fear nothing.

~walks we must take and sunsets we must watch together~

“Today I’m the man from the sea”

let them live