Letter #10

Red wine.

Bitter red wine.

Traces on lips, perhaps intoxicing lipstick

Dry but soothes the throat

I bloat from a cup

And undress the tender booze

A buzz kicks and i daydream numb

I crumble up the soft voice

Telling me be gentle this time

I smoke a cigarette and i let my friend talk.

I won't be cruel i say

As i drink another sip from a brassy cup

The throat is wet

And speaks less

And mind wants to tear up the silence

A crime scene where blood is in a bottle

Soon in our throat

I bloat again, but this time from a bottle

Hopefully i will kiss you and your unraveled secrets

Just because you are my friend

You need a lever and a helping hand

As i look at you, you seem like walking away.

But your Cognac turns your eyes back to mine.

Don't sweat it, don't sway it.

Just speak up and let's talk it out

Our broken parts.

Our bitter cracks

With a taste own Cognac and red wine

We hit each other with darts, our broken parts.

Let us listen and drink couple more past nine.

By Marko Tivanovac

Letter #2

I think as humans, we often don't realize the marks that we leave. We're so self-involved and distractedly preoccupied by nature That at no fault of our own, We create a wall between us and our presence. So, it's no wonder that you hurt my heart sometimes. It's never your intention, Or at least I hope that's the case for the most of it. I know I've hurt yours intentionally. Perhaps we're bad for each other, A toxin neither can release themselves from the grasps of. Maybe it's just me, "I'm bad for you." Truthfully, I'm entirely unsure. You feel like you're bad for me. "I don't know what love was meant to feel like, But it definitely wasn't this." Does that thought ever reach you as well? I wonder a thousand things each day, Many miles away from the gazes we share in my mind But there's still this warmth I can't shake When a thought lands on you. This soul nourishing satisfaction, Like existing beside you is my truest form of rest. Even when you're being cruel, Even when we're in the worst of our nights. "I don't know what that is." I know that somewhere Deep inside whatever it is that makes up 'us', There is something that doesn't fit. Maybe there's hundreds of mismatched pieces, thousands even. Something so broken, no altered ego could mend. A part of me has always known we can't last, I understand denying it would cause both of us more pain - It's just that accepting that truth Brings more heartache than any fight. There's a reason neither of us will say we're ready, Surely though, I have to also believe There's a reason either of us will let go, ...Right?

Date Written: 5th of August, 2023

Just some tired, senseless ramblings. Getting tricky thoughts out of my head to make room for some more positive ones.

Letter #24

Please rip this heart from within my chest

Just as you carelessly tore your way inside

Begging for mercy, please, let me breathe

My dear, you must be a skilled sadist

I cannot handle another thought of you

Falling seems an apt term for it indeed

Yet you smile brightly, so wholly unaware

As I pull at strings asking how this is fair

Painfully puzzling with no answers to find

Accepting that maybe, just maybe

Between us, peace was never an option

Date Written: 17th of September 2023

Charles Bukowski, "hurry slowly," from Come On In!

Letter #16

You tempt and toy with my mind as your playground Never settling, never quenched My emotions are your strings As you move you play melodies You ask me to tell you about all the ways one can be bad I felt my stomach retreat upon it's mention Unassuming expectations for the storm you lit within Rather than words I would show you Slowly, fervently Lacing each second of your intrigue with worship But these requests from your lips I can never accept Saving tongue-tied advances for strangers beds instead Self reflection set a boundary around your sneakers "A line where no love may land" And through tangled heat I know we'd cross it My heart unfit already shivering at your voice so sweet The game you're playing caught all my thoughts off guard Begging me as I remind you of the rules you made My muse your words are cruel Feigned innocence far crueler With each bated breath my morals are in agony Truly you bring out the worst in me

Date Written: 29th of August, 2023

Letter #28

"You mean something to me, But yours or anyone else's care does not." Such simple, unassuming words Words ordinarily placed that would seem so innocent Yet, they come from you They come from you and that breaks me From you, they come with an unintentional, cruel, agonizing truth The words I hoped to hear one day Those three little words laced in honey so sickly sweet I will never hear them Not in the way I need to, anyway Never in the way I need to Love is not just a feeling It is a deep seated rule that we plead with at night It is a peace encased with care I would live for you, I would die for you I would give it all in a heartbeat But you don't wish for that So I exist amongst separate breaths Quietly, with promise To love is to know the person I see And the person that stands in front of me Despite their shared love of the number 8 Despite their infectious laughter echoing the same chorus Are entirely different beings One of them I will never know Both, I choose to love I helplessly love I unavoidably, inevitably love You are you, and I love you I love you without need for reciprocation I love you with only good will To love is to know I will never see you completely And indulge in what bliss it is to adore the shadows "You mean something to me, But yours or anyone else's care does not." To say that hearing those words All while knowing love stems from care That love is treasuring another's words and being Didn't hurt? I cannot lie. Simply, I love you Eight little letters laced in fiction so densely dreamt Words I wish I could hear spoken from your lips Truthfully, wholly, willingly You and your care mean everything to me. I only wish that I didn't have the sense to know I'm alone

Date Written: 26th of July, 2023

Letter #23

On Spring's first morning

I lied down,

Let my feet touch the grass,

Released a year's long breath

And starred straight into the sun

Because if my body will not cry on it's own

Then I will have the light guide me to it

Every tingle of wholeness finally meeting

All combining into one unifying chorus,

"This is the end and beginning of my life"

Nothing else that ever was or will be,

No lover's touch, no teachable moment

Only this, this is it. I made it home at last

Date Written: 16th September 2023

Letter #30

These shoes never walked a single step astray From the memories of skin in that dingy underway In their wake comes everything I once held dear to say Tightened laces bracing forth through times of "come what may" While you fall on a prayer you wont remember me this way Love, you wont remember me each day.

Date Written: 25th of October, 2023

Letter #31

I wanted to tell myself that it's all part of the process, but now, I know this isn't what healing feels like.

Date Written: 18th of October, 2023

Letter #5

The sharpness traces Gentle and cold Pressure brings warmth, a gasp Purely pleasurable relief Muscles forced into stiffening All while melting to belief "Red is the colour of passion" I tell myself as it trickles down my side Where engravings sing of promises Living life, finally feeling satisfied Guilty yet remorseless "What petal has yet to fall?" So sickly sweet, but is no treat Just a sucker left to crawl

Date Written: 7th of August, 2023