Suicide Doesn't Sound So Scary Anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️

why is job hunting so hard now?? In high school I got a job so easy, but now in college it’s like I fit all the requirements but you don’t feel like hiring anymore after saying you were desperately understaffed?!!??

stupid rant

I feel like all my friends are pulling away from me and I don’t know why.

no one responds to my texts yet they don’t text me without me doing so first, or they say that they didn’t see my message when I can see when they read it. Everyone has time to hang together, but when I ask to join they have too many people even though it’s just my roommate and our two friends. Suddenly everything that we all used to do gets pushed to the side only for me to see them posting about how fun their day was, but they told me it was canceled.

I feel like I’m being excluded from my own friend group, and I hate this feeling of abandonment. I don’t like being lonely. And I might be overreacting but if you were in my place, you’d probably feel the same way!

when i actually do get “included” it’s like im not even there, i got talked over and brushed past, it’s like im a ghost. I thought part of college would be better then high school, but turns out it’s the exact same, full of fake friends and people that only want to use you for their own gain. Fuck this place and fuck my friends

I know I'm unlovable, I just sometimes like to pretend that I'm not

REBLOG IF YOURE LOCKING IN FOR 2025

i want to get my shit together so badly

i also want to just give up

I thought that I was better

I genuinely thought that I was getting better, that I was moving on from my past. That I wasn’t the same 83 pound ball of depression and suicidal thoughts. But now I can realize that recovery isn’t a liner line, it’s a wave that has high highs and low lows. Some days it’s be a high, while others are a low. I may be depressed and doing things I shouldn’t do, but I’m not starving myself and I’m not cutting myself. And for me that’s a win. Yes I’m hurting in other ways, but I’m not bleeding and I’m not skin n bones anymore. I have scars that show I lived and I’m 105.8 pounds now. Technically I’m still in the bmi underweight category but not by much. I’m at a happy weight. And while yes sometimes I forget to eat, and others I say that I don’t deserve to. That’s all a part of my recovery, it might not be how others recover as each and every person handles things differently. All forms of moving forward- yes even the ups and downs- are a valid form of healing and progress. It shows that you are strong and kicking whatever it is that you are facing in the butt.

Sorry that this was so long, I’m on day three of not sleeping and needed to get this out. Good night or good morning, I hope you all have a lovely time. -3rat

maybe in another universe, I can ask for help when I need it.

there is no more light

there is no more love

and I want to die more and more

What it's like inside my brain:

SomeBODY once

told me that you had a boyfriend, who looked like a girlfriend, I had in February of

Laaast Christmas, I gave you my heart...

I wanna smoke a cigarette. I wanna cut. I wanna kill myself. I wanna starve. Everything I want rn is self destruction.