The Weird Thing About Moving Out And Building A Life Where It’s Okay To Go Hang Out In The Living Room

💖Reblog if you are Kenough💖 (you are)

god would never let me into heaven bc i am so much prettier than him and hes jealous

kids who werent raised christian being like "lol baptising children is whack if they tried to do that to me i would start doing things to make it look like i was possessed" no you would not. you would bask in the pride and approval coming from the adults around you and you would quietly wait your turn because you were told from birth that sinning sends you to hell and baptism is The Promise that youre dedicating your life to jesus that youve had hyped up for years and watched other people be fawned over as they cry happy tears about it and you do NOT want to fuck up your One Big True Promise To Love Jesus Forever So You Don't Get Tortured For Eternity when you are literally 8 years old. im begging yall to remember its a thousand times easier to see the church's bullshit for what it is when you're not actively in the church. eight year old you is not thinking about trying to fight back against an oppressive religious group indoctrinating children because You Are The Children Being Indoctrinated. stop acting like you would've magically known better if it were you.

Abuse has a goal behind it, and a lot of the time, it's about changing the victims behavior. If someone screams at you for not doing X activity, eventually you learn to do X activity. If someone hits you when you defy them, eventually you learn not to defy them. If someone abuses you frequently enough, and you begin to break down to their will... It is possible to reach a point where it may seem like you're not being abused anymore.

They don't yell anymore because you stay quiet and do what you're told. They don't threaten you anymore because you don't voice even the slightest disagreement or need. What used to be screaming fighting arguments have become lectures at your expense. They may even praise you for doing what they want you to. And all those mundane moments - breakfast, the rare kind act - stand out more. Your perception of the relationship skews even more. It's all normal now.

And it's still abuse. It's just reached its end goal - wearing you down so badly that they don't need to overtly abuse you anymore to get what they want. All they need to do is make a joke, or complain to guilt you, or tell you want to do/not to do, etc. etc. The fact that's all it takes now doesn't make what's happening to you less severe - if anything, it means you're in much, much more danger than you could realize.

It's abuse. It's horrific. It's just not obvious anymore... and that's terrifying. You deserve so, so much better. You deserve to truly be safe - not to have your wellbeing held behind fearful compliance. That's not safety. That's not love. That's abuse. It being psychological doesn't make it less dangerous.

Being in a cult is like having this huge plant take root in your mind, and the longer it’s inner the bigger and more complex the root system.

Finally realizing it’s all a lie and getting out is like yanking the entire plant out of your brain, it’s tough and annoying until you take one massive tug and it’s out. And it fucking hurts.

And now there are holes where the roots used to be. But if you leave them empty the structural integrity of your mind will be damaged. You have to find something else to fill them with. Preferably something healthy.

And if the roots were complex enough, the one tug that pulled the plant out won’t have been enough to free all the roots. A lot of them are still in there, that’s all the toxic internalized ideas you still have stuck in your head. Unlearning them is like pulling those root fragments out, it’s slow and complicated and painful.

Yeah so this is about to become one of safe spaces on the internet to just be myself. Expect venting, fan art reblogs, and maybe a joke once in a while.

A moment of light during the siege

❗️TIME SENSITIVE❗️ 

 Please, with everything that I have in me, I am begging for help for a family of 2 disabled black siblings (my autistic brother & myself with a physical disability) to not go homeless again during this pandemic.

 For those who don’t know, I am a physically disabled black woman and the sole caretaker of my autistic brother. Last year, we lost the home our father worked his entire life for after he passed away. My brother and I were made homeless.

 Since, we’ve been able to rent a home. But with our unique situation of no income, no rental history, no credit… nobody wants us as renters and the only deal we were able to get was to pay our entire YEAR’s worth of rent up front.

gofundme.com

Help 2 Black & Disabled Siblings After Losing Home, organized by Dave Davis

PLEASE READ MOST RECENT UPDATE AT END OF STORY! We have lost the home … Dave Davis needs your support for Help 2 Black & Disabled Siblings

 The last I updated you all, we were waiting on a hearing to determine the status of my brother’s disability case. We have been fighting for his disability for the whole year since we moved across the country, and after it was illegitimately denied TWICE before… the hearing that was set for June 3rd finally came. It was our last hope to get the funds we need to pay our upcoming rent. But when the date came… after waiting tirelessly… we were informed that it was postponed until 3 months from now.

 Three Months.

 Our lease ends at the end of July, we DO NOT have Three Months. The way the disabled are discarded like nothing is unbearable. You have no idea the pain I felt that day… seeing them treat a case that is so important that it stands between us and our home… like just another file. Like it means nothing. And this is what I mean when I say…

 They Do NOT Want Us To Live.

 It would have been our last hope at stable income to be able to pay our rent normally. We do not have any income at this time. Even the art that I was making was taken down by Etsy. Everyday I wake up in agony of not knowing what’s going to happen next.

 Call after call with no leads to any help. I haven’t had any transportation for the entire year since we were first kicked out of the only home we ever knew, and it’s been so unbelievably hard to find any work that I’m capable of without it. 

 I have given my everything.

 And I have gotten nothing back.

 And with all of it, I still sit here with my only sliver of hope to reach out to anyone who might see this.

 For the past several months, I have been trying to work up the courage to ask for help again. The strength to reach out again. If it was just me, I don’t think I could do this. But my brother, who has no way whatsoever of taking care of himself… what is he supposed to do if we lose our home? It has taken everything in me to sit here and write this cry for assistance.. but cry, I must.

 I have done nothing but look for other options. Tirelessly, day in and day out I have reached out to so many of these “resources” who are supposed to help us in times like this and time and time again, I have been shut down. My willpower has been crushed so much it’s not even describable.

 If you can help us, please know that even the lowest amount that you can possibly afford could help us right now. I’m so scared of losing everything again.

 I haven’t been able to rest. Every moment I’m awake just brings me back to the trauma I’ve experienced this year.

 I would just like to say with you all that

 Disabled Black Lives Matter.

 We deserve to feel safe and secure. We deserve a world that cares what happens to us. I know there are people out there who do. So I am asking you, one more time.

gofundme.com

Help 2 Black & Disabled Siblings After Losing Home, organized by Dave Davis

PLEASE READ MOST RECENT UPDATE AT END OF STORY! We have lost the home … Dave Davis needs your support for Help 2 Black & Disabled Siblings

 We need your help.

 Please help us, share our GoFundMe, share our story, donate anything you can at this time. If we can reach our goal we can be safe for AT LEAST another year.

 Help us keep a roof over our heads so that we can KEEP TRYING.

 Thank you 🙏🏽💜

in this new year I want you to be alright. I hope you move out. I hope you have enough money to feel safe. I hope you abandon shame and forgive yourself. I hope you get enough sleep and some good news. I hope you laugh a lot and the heaviness of the world eases a bit. I wish you to be alright.