My Dearest L...

My Dearest L...

It’s 5 am and I can find a way to fall asleep tonight. I’m supposed to take my sleeping pills, but they don’t seem to be working. How can I depend on these pills to drive me into a slumber now when 12 months about I could sleep on my own how did I get to this point???

My Dearest L...

I have this smoking habit that I'm trying to stop, but then I don't know why I'd stop when we're all going to die one day. do I have to stop because I want a few long years to live or should I stop because I want to be old enough to see my grandchildren? then comes the question will I ever have grandchildren? I'm single right now, correction I have "someone" but I don't know how long it's going to last cause it a long-distance R-ship and everyone knows how they tend to go. My longest one was I think a year long. I know this is going to sound bad to me. but don't judge till you know the whole story boys and girls. but I have this boy I started seeing before covid and I was already in my online R-ship but this guy was here in my home town and he knew I had the online boyfriend but I am yet to tell my online boyfriend about him, not because I don't want him knowing I just don't know how he's going to act knowing I have 2 boyfriends and NO I'M NOT A PLAYER.....I'm just poly and my online boyfriend knows I am. but now the boy that lived close to me. went home to Mexico for x-mas and he has not come back, I talk to him everyday. he told me he'd be back at the beginning of Jan but now it's the middle of Feb and I have two online R-ships and I'm left cold and alone in bed at night in the....dark...with my panic attacks...and my nightmares...to suffer all alone...in a cold beddd.

My Dearest L...

well, I don't really know how this is going to go, I'm going to see the broken girl today maybe later on I haven't seen her since the night I when to her boyfriend's house and almost got covid >-< and the last time I saw her mom was when she throw my parents out of her house bec I was influencing her kid to drink more when in reality she was the one asking me to drink every weekend... now her mom wants to meet up for tea after that shit like really.

My Dearest L...

I honestly have felt for years now like I’m not moving forward in my life I feel stuck in a pit that I can’t get out of, to make it even worse I’ve been wronged by so many people in my life that I feel like my heart doesn’t even know how to feel or be in love again. I mean it’s not like the opportunity hasn’t come up but even when it does I talk to the person for a max of a week or two weeks if there lucky. Then it’s almost as if it just doesn’t mean anything anymore... is it even possible for someone to be so broken that they can’t love anymore????

My Dearest L...

Tonight is a weird night for me. I had a great night last night talking to texas till he went to bed, but still nothing from Mexico... I hope he's okay. back to what I was going to talk about. where do people go when we die? cause last night I was trying to fall asleep and as I was drifting off I thought to myself what if I have a heart attack tonight in my sleep. where would I go? would I just think I woke up in the morning and I just fell asleep or would it just start all over again from the begging? like a being FUCK YOU! try again... wait, one second!! what if when we fall asleep every night and die and when we wake up we come back to life but then there is that one night we drift off and don't wake up. and then billy in the corner will be like "well damn, he sure in hell hit that damn coffin hard" then the nurse will come over and say "billy get back to your room NOW!!" she's yelling because she's stressed about the dead body just laying on the bed. then billy will walk up to her and say "Debbie I'm already in my room" and of course Debbie will say some stupid shit like "fine just go for a shit then" and she'll storm out of the room stressed out and walk to the corner of the building outside and walk to her secret smoke stash under the birdhouse.

“How amazing is it to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head.”

— Nina LaCour

MY DEAREST L…

Ever just want to escape to I different time in the world? well I do, I wish I could go back to the 1800s when the light was nothing but an open candle flame and beds were made of the finest satin in the world, a time when love was actually love and guy's were begging to be held in the arms of anyone that would love them when even the moon longed for company.

Do you think the sun is as lonely as the moon? or do you think they are okay with being apart, I mean, I know the moon has her stars and the sun has his clouds but sometimes you just need more than that.

Ever sit in your room and smell something bad so you get up and look around your room for the smell and can't find it but it's following you around and you're just left standing there and are like "WTF IS THAT SMELL??!?!?!" then you realize that it's you that smells like shit.....

MY DEAREST L…

time has stopped in a way that the world is numb to the land that understands the movements of the earth under our feet in the sun-heated grass, the river shines to the blue skies of the sweet smelling due drops of the morning kissed silk.

Eytukan, The Plant.

I've had Eytukan for about 2 or 3 months now and it's been quite a beautiful experience he already had a few leaves when I get him but today I noticed it was time for him to get his first leaf cut off. plants grow too fast for me :( I wish they could stay small and cute but watching them grow up is an amazing experience honestly. he is so healthy and strong he loves his new pot I had to report him bec he wasn't doing so well in the training pot which I found kinda weird but once I got him in this Terracotta pot he just jumped back to life. I have also been misting him every few days and he always looks so perky the next day >.< it's so cute to see, oh and he's not the only plant I own, like 40 plant's but this on is just soo cute i had to blog about him XD