02.08.23

You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you.

- Madeline Miller, Circe

02.05.23

So, I've been pretty productive today. Did groceries and attended the lectures. Need to do a chap rn. I need to study and do well. I'll study till 9pm and then, sleep. Slept a good 10 hours yesterday. Sleep is the most important thing ever.

"Being forgotten, she thinks, is a bit like going mad. You begin to wonder what is real, if you are real. After all, how can a thing be real if it cannot be remembered?"

- the invisible life of Addie LaRue by V.E Schwab

*kisses the inside of your wrist, and proceeds to hold your hand whilst making eye-contact* happy women's day babe.

I don't want to live anymore

Memories are a curse; I want to remember you no more.

But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. Such a constellation was he to me.

- Madeline Miller, Circe

When Sylvia plath said, "why can't I try on different lives, like dresses, to see which fits best and is more becoming" ; and when Ocean Vuong said, "you would tell them that the most useful thing one can do with empty hands is hold on" jwjwuwjwwjwbbevevegehbe im gonna go overdose on chai now, bye.

A cat lays in the sun

Belly up

Soaking in the warmth

His Sister comes by

What are you doing Brother

Trying

Said Brother

Trying?

Questioned Sister

With her black and white spots

Standing on end a bit

It appears you are doing nothing

She said

Does it?

He asked

Perhaps things are not

What they seem

He replied

And with that

He dragged himself up

Into a sitting position

I see you have moved

Said Sister

But sitting is not really trying

You think not?

Asked Brother

Quietly

I spent last night

Locked outside

Helping a friend who

Was cold and sad

That in turn made me

Cold and sad

This morning

When I came back in

I helped the Dog

Find its toy

(He always seems to lose it)

I’m tired

And a bit melancholy

So I’m trying to cheer up

By laying in the sun

This feels like real work

Like real trying

I see

Said Sister

You are trying very hard on the inside

And I couldn’t see that

So I assumed you were not trying

But now I see

I was wrong

Trying on the inside

May be the hardest trying there is

Thank you, Sister

Purred Brother

Thank you for trying to understand

Trying

Is everything

I seek for the universe yet it does not seek me back; a travesty, it called me.

The moon weeped the stars alive, and then me. It weeped me alive.

So mon amour, I am not just any travesty, but the moon's.

I am the moon's travesty.