God I Love The Onion

Some of my favourite Wanda looks and sitcom themes from past episodes! Gonna miss hearing “previously on WandaVision” but definitely not gonna miss yelling at the screen when “please stand by” pops up lol. Now EXCUSE me while I continue SOBBING about the finale

Incorrect quotes #68

Loki: *Gently taps table*

Y/n: *Taps back*

Bruce: What are they doing?

Thor: Norse code.

Loki: *Aggressively taps table*

Y/n: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

@rabiote look at this beautiful wholesome picture!

i’m sorry but is that chris evans tippy-toeing to hug chris hemsworth

When everybody leaves the summer camp before you

Me, roaming around the dorm rooms and cafeteria alone:

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me

That I live and you are gone.

There's a grief that can't be spoken. There's a pain goes on and ooon-

All my camp friends on facetime: you fucking drama queen we're just in the fucking airport we're not even dead-

Me: Oh my friends, my friends, don't ask me what your sacrifice was for

Empty chairs at empty tables

Where my friends will sing no moreeee.

the most relatable camp staff post ever...

The Pink Rose, part 4

Part Four- July 5th, 74 ADD

Pairing: Haymitch Abernathy x reader (vaguely, part 4 is mostly filler- sorry)

Word count: 1,444

Warnings: Brief violence, weapons, and reference to death

[Y/n] had slept too late, she knew Effie was going to be upset with her. She quickly readied herself to make a Capitol appearance when they arrived. Making her way to the dining car, she prepared herself to get some snide remark about punctuality from Effie. As soon as the car door opened, [Y/n] saw Peeta slap the glass of wine from Haymitch’s hand as Peeta said, “Only not to us!”

A half second later, Haymitch punched Peeta’s jaw, knocking him to the ground before reaching for the liquor cart. Without missing a beat, [Y/n] and Katniss each grabbed a knife from the nearest place setting. Katniss drove her knife into the table between Haymitch’s hand and the bottle, barely missing his fingers. In the same second, [Y/n] expertly threw a knife and sent it directly through the space between Haymitch and Katniss causing them to lean apart from each other.

Haymitch sat back in his chair, first raising an eyebrow at [Y/n], then looking at their tributes, “Well, what’s this?” he said, “Did we actually get a pair of fighters this year?”

Peeta rose to his feet and reached for the ice for his jaw, but Haymitch stopped him.

“No,” Haymitch smirked, “Let the bruise show. The audience will think you’ve mixed it up with another tribute before you’ve even made it to the arena.”

“That’s against the rules,” Peeta shot back.

“Only if they catch you. That bruise will say you fought but you weren’t caught, even better,” 

[Y/n] opened her mouth to protest but Haymitch held up a finger and turned to Katniss. “Can you hit anything with that knife besides a table?”

With an eerily blank expression on her face, Katniss removed the knife from the table and flicked it away, lodging it directly between two of the decorative wall panels. [Y/n] and Haymitch exchanged impressed looks.

“Both of you come stand over here,” [Y/n] said seriously, nodding to the middle of the room. Not being Haymitch, the tributes obeyed. [Y/n] and Haymitch examined Katniss and Peeta. They weren’t completely malnourished and seemed strong enough.

“Well, you’re not entirely hopeless. Seem fit,” Haymitch said.

[Y/n] added, “And once the stylists get hold of you, you’ll be attractive enough for the sponsors… I would know,” 

Peeta and Katniss didn’t question this, the Hunger Games weren’t a beauty contest, but the best-looking tributes always seemed to pull more sponsors.

“All right, I’ll make a deal with you two, actually, all of you,” He looked directly at Effie that time, “You don’t interfere with my drinking, and I’ll stay sober enough to help [Y/n] help you. But you have to do exactly what I say.”

“Fine,” says Peeta.

“So help us,” Katniss interjected, “When we get to the arena, what’s the best strategy at the Cornucopia for someone—”

“One thing at a time. In a few minutes, we’ll be pulling into the station. You’ll be put in the hands of your stylists. You’re not going to like what they do to you. But no matter what it is, don’t resist,” says Haymitch.

“But —” Katniss began.

Haymitch opened his mouth and [Y/n] held up her hand that time, “No buts- just let them do their job,” she nodded at both tributes, “But if they make you too uncomfortable, you tell me and I’ll handle it,”

Haymitch left the car and the train entered the last tunnel before the Capitol. As soon as the train left the tunnel, the Capitol came into view. Peeta and Katniss ran to the window to see the ruling city of Panem. As they pulled into the station, the people begin to point at Katniss and Peeta eagerly as they recognized a tribute train rolling into the city. Katniss stepped away from the window, but Peeta stayed, waving and smiling at the crowd. He stopped once out of view.

He turned to Katniss and said “Who knows? One of them may be rich.”

[Y/n] chuckled at how fast Peeta was learning and he seemed to be ready to fight in every way. Haymitch definitely misjudged him. But [Y/n] still worried about Katniss. That girl must have a hard time trusting anyone.

*     *     *

Katniss and Peeta had an interesting introduction to the Capitol- one [Y/n] still cringed at the thought of. [Y/n] at least had an idea of what Katniss would experience- exfoliated, waxed, tweezed, and practically hosed down. Then they would take her barely covered body to go meet a stranger who would decide what she wears in front of Panem. Unlike other years, [Y/n] liked the District 12 Stylist, Cinna. Even Haymitch didn’t seem to mind him. They hoped this up-and-coming stylist would make their tributes something worthwhile.

Haymitch joined [Y/n] and Effie outside the building where the chariots were kept, but he didn’t enter with them. Finally, Effie and [Y/n] saw Cinna leading Katniss and Peeta towards the chariot. Cinna’s assistant, Portia, followed behind, fussing over every strand in Katniss’ hair. The two tributes were dressed in a simple, conservative black unitard with an uncommonly high neckline. [Y/n] remembered that she had mentioned to Cinna that for her own ceremony, she’d hated how much cleavage they made her show. The unitard was accompanied by a pair of shiny leather boots laced up to their knees. [Y/n] was most surprised to see the long billowing capes and matching headpieces. The red, orange, and yellow were an impressive contrast to the black. [Y/n] heard Cinna telling them about a synthetic fire for the costume. Of course- they weren’t coal miners this year, they were the coal!

As Katniss and Peeta’s chariot took off, [Y/n] could see them whispering to each other. She couldn’t help but hope that they would do great things. As the opening music played, [Y/n] wished Haymitch would participate more. He did say he would help- but maybe he didn’t mean public appearances. [Y/n] knew she was forcibly comfortable in the public eye, but Haymitch was not quite the flavor the public eye favored. His consistent public drunkenness was not something District 12, much less the rest of Panem was happy to accept. 

Effie, Portia, and [Y/n] watched the ceremony on their own screen where they would wait to collect their tributes. Each district’s chariot crossed the screen as they listened to the commentators give their opinions on the designs. District 1: luxury items- wore fashionable, jeweled tunics and had their skin spray painted silver. A hard act to follow for the attention of the capitol- hopefully Cinna had something extraordinary up his sleeve. [Y/n] looked around wondering if she’d get a glimpse of Haymitch when suddenly she heard the gasps and cheers for District 12! Effie and Portia were beaming as [Y/n] whipped her head around and saw her tributes on fire! Cinna and Portia’s synthetic fire was just the combination of danger, beauty, and excitement that reeled in the sponsors. The ceremony music could barely be heard behind the overwhelming cheers of Katniss and Peeta’s names, the screams of appreciation, and clapping of thousands of hands.

[Y/n] jumped as a hand rested on her shoulder and the owner said, “I didn’t know she could smile,”

Haymitch could always be counted on for a sarcastic comment. Although, it was good to see Katniss helping herself and Peeta by playing to the crowd: catching a rose, blowing kisses, and proudly holding hands- Katniss was coming out of her shell. She was going to fight. 

After the ceremony, the tributes chariots were brought inside. Effie and [Y/n] rushed to meet Katniss and Peeta with the intention of beating everyone who would want to meet them. It didn’t take long for Katniss to point out that she had made several enemies already. She’d stolen sponsors from Districts 1, 2, and 3. 

Cinna and Portia helped put out the flames. Tributes weren’t usually worried about relationships, especially because there was only one winner. But [Y/n] felt like there was something between Katniss and Peeta and wondered if she should shut that down before they literally have to try killing each other. To solidify her wondering, Peeta said something that made Katniss smile and reach up to kiss his cheek. Oh no, [Y/n] couldn’t allow that- or could she? Should she let them die happy? Or risk one of them losing the other? She figured they were 16 and it wouldn’t lead to anything anyway- at least one of them would die feeling like they’d felt something for the other. 

Masterlist

Me over here having ideas for Catching Fire adjacent fanfic, but we're still on the Hunger Games...

The Pink Rose, part 6

Part Six- July 8th/9th, 74 ADD

Pairing: Haymitch Abernathy x reader 

Word count: 2,780

Warnings: pet names, arguing, cursing, yelling

July 8th, 74 ADD

Haymitch invited [Y/n] to sit in on Katniss’ interview prep. After lunch, the three of them situated themselves in a triangle in the sitting room. Katniss sat down and hunched over to rest her elbows on her knees. Haymitch stayed standing and [Y/n] gracefully sat down, crossing her ankles. 

“What?” Katniss asked after an uncomfortable brief stare-down from Haymitch.

“I’m trying to figure out what to do with you,” he said, “How’re we gonna present you. Are you gonna be charming? Aloof? Fierce? So far, you’re shinin’. You volunteered to save your sister. Cinna made you look unforgettable. You’ve got the top training score. People are intrigued, but no one knows who you are,” 

“The impression you make tomorrow will decide exactly what we can secure for you in terms of sponsors,” [Y/n] added.

“What’s Peeta’s approach? Or am I not allowed to ask?” Katniss said stubbornly

“Likable. He has a sort of natural self-deprecating humor,” says Haymitch. “Whereas when you open your mouth, you come across more… hostile.”

“I do not!” Katniss almost yelled as her back straightened.

“Please. I don’t know where you pulled that cheery, wavy girl on the chariot from, but I haven’t seen her before or since,” nagged Haymitch.

“And you’ve given me so many reasons to be cheery,” she sneered back.

“Alright, knock it off you two!” [Y/n] demanded, “Katniss, you had to grow up fast and it shows- you’re an oldest child from the Seam. You know the struggle. You have your sister and… Gale? You probably feel comfortable in front of them, but being the center of attention is clearly a place you are not used to,”

Katniss nodded in understanding, “You seem to be pretty comfortable there,”

[Y/n] laughed, “I wasn’t always like that, and being used to it is not the same as being comfortable. Nowadays, I attract less attention if I dress pretty. If I were to show up for interviews wearing my normal 12 style, I think the Capital would riot. Such is the curse of being a beloved victor,”

“Exactly being a disliked victor is better,” Haymitch said proudly, “Besides, you don’t have to please us. we’re not going to sponsor you. So pretend we’re the audience,” he plopped into a chair. “Delight me.”

Haymitch conducted a mock interview with Katniss while [Y/n] took notes. Katniss tried to answer his questions in a likable way, but she was too angry with the whole thing. The longer the interview went on, the more her frustration began to show.

“All right, enough,” Haymitch said, “We’ve got to find another angle. Not only are you hostile, I don’t know anything about you. I’ve asked you fifty questions and still have no sense of your life, your family, what you care about. They want to know about you, Katniss.”

“But I don’t want them to! They’re already taking my future! They can’t have the things that mattered to me in the past!” she complained.

“Then lie! Make something up!” Haymitch almost yelled back.

“I’m not good at lying,” Katniss said.

[Y/n] spoke up, “You should work on that Kat-” 

“Because you’ve got about as much charm as a dead slug,” Haymitch interrupted. Realizing that might’ve been harsh, his voice softened, “Here’s an idea. Try acting humble.”

“Humble,” Katniss said quietly.

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” [Y/n] mused, “Yes, you can’t believe a little girl from District Twelve has done this well. The whole thing’s been more than you ever could have dreamed of. Talk about Cinna’s clothes, how nice the people are, how dazzling the Capital is. If you won’t talk about yourself, at least compliment the audience. Gush- these people love themselves and what they have- use it- make them look like fools.”

Even this didn’t work for Katniss. The next couple of hours proved that she couldn’t gush, be cocky or arrogant, funny, sexy (that pained [Y/n] to even try), or mysterious. Somewhere between arrogant and funny, Haymitch started drinking. [Y/n] tried to slow him down, but he wouldn’t listen “I give up, sweetheart. Just answer the questions and try not to let the audience see how openly you hate them.”

“He’s right Katniss-” [Y/n]

“Of course I’m right!” Haymitch shot before reeling back in at [Y/n]’s quick death glare.

She turned back to Katniss, “I was you once- but I made them like and they gave me things that kept me alive in that arena. Medicine. A bottle of fresh water. A blanket. We don’t know what your arena is, but securing sponsors is the most prepared you can be,”

Katniss sighed and nodded in understanding.

July 9, 74 ADD

Cinna, Portia, and Effie joined Haymitch and [Y/n] backstage after making up Katniss and Peeta. Peeta wore a striking black suit with flame accents to keep the theme going. Katniss wore an impressive gown designed by Cinna. The whole thing was covered in fire like jewels that looked like flames when she moved. The girl on fire. The gold accents painted on her skin shined and looked beautifully tasteful in contrast to her gown. Haymitch, [Y/n], and Effie were all dressed up for the occasion. Effie’s lavender dress matched her tall floral high heels and towering curly wig of almost the same hue of purple. Haymitch’s suit was clearly new and he wore a lapel pin that resembled a flame. [Y/n] wore a black jeweled dress that hugged her curves and, to Katniss, looked difficult to breathe in. [Y/n] was the coal supporting Katniss and Peeta’s flames. Effie and Cinna had made it very clear that this was a time for impressions. 

Just before the tributes were paraded onto the stage, Haymitch and [Y/n] walked up behind Peeta and Katniss. Haymitch almost growled as he said, “Remember, you’re still a happy set of kids from District Twelve. So act like it.”

Katniss turned around and opened her mouth to say something, but all she saw was Haymitch and [Y/n] walking away interestingly close together. She furrowed her brow in confusion as Haymitch guided [Y/n] by placing his hand gently on her lower back just above her rear. Katniss couldn’t hear what he whispered to make [Y/n]... giggle?

[Y/n] and Haymitch joined the rest of “Team Twelve” (as Effie coined them) in the backstage waiting area to watch the televised version of the interviews. Peeta looked amazing and Katniss did better than expected- but [Y/n] could still tell she was uncomfortable.

Every citizen of Panem is tuned in to watch their tribute. Caesar Flickerman, the interview host of more than forty years, bounced on stage in an Effie-like fashion. He didn’t appear to have aged in the last four decades. Same full face of makeup. Same hair in a tall bouffant that he dyed a different color every Hunger Games. At least in [Y/n]’s lifetime, he’d always worn the same ceremonial suit of midnight blue. Impressively, it was dotted with a thousand tiny lightbulbs that twinkled like stars. This time, Caesar’s hair was powder blue and his eyelids and lips were coated to match.

Caesar told a few jokes and once he had everyone’s attention, introduced the female tribute from District 1: a provocative looking girl in a see-through gold gown.

“I will never understand the sexualization of teenagers,” [Y/n] whispered to Effie.

“Oh it’s just the fashion,” Effie dismissed.

Every 3 minutes, a buzzer sounded marking the end of the interview and time to move on. Haymitch told [Y/n] to wake him at District 10 and rested his head back. [Y/n] smacked his chest lightly and told him to be an adult. She proceeded to keep Effie at ease by commenting on Katniss’ sitting posture or the effort being made to not look like she’d stepped on something smelly. Tribute after tribute they watched each interview intently and [Y/n] took notes as if she were trying to decipher each one like a puzzle.Some tributes were interesting, a few may have prompted a yawn or two. Twenty-two tributes later:

“Help me say welcome to the lovely Katniss Everdeen: the Girl on Fire!” Caesar shouted.

Katniss walked onto the stage and shook Caesar’s outstretched hand. [Y/n] and Effie gave each other small smiles as Katniss successfully walked out in heels and a gown without tripping.

“So, Katniss, the Capitol must be quite a change from District Twelve. What’s impressed you most since you arrived here?” Caesar asked with an ear to ear grin.

Haymitch clicked his tongue after Katniss had a delayed response of “The lamb stew,”

Caesar laughed, “The one with the dried plums?” Katniss nodded as the crowd joined Caesar’s enthusiasm, “Oh, I eat it by the bucketful.” He laughed as he held his stomach.

“Now, Katniss,” he said, “When you came out in the opening ceremonies, my heart actually stopped,” he turned to the crowd, “Did any of you experience this as well? My heart stopped- What did you think of that costume?”

Much to Team Twelve’s surprise, Katniss smiled, “You mean after I realized I wouldn’t burn to death?”

Caesar and the audience were in stitches, “Yes. Start then,” says Caesar. Katniss was exceeding expectations.

“I thought Cinna was brilliant and it was the most gorgeous thing I’d ever seen and I couldn’t believe I was wearing it. I can’t believe I’m wearing this, either- I mean, look at it!”

The crowd oohs and aahs as Katniss shows off the skirt of her gown. [Y/n] realized how much coaching of his own Cinna had done when Katniss spun in a circle.

“Oh, do that again!” Caesar demanded. 

Katniss lifted her arms and spun harder allowing her skirt to fly outwards, covering her in the same flames from the ceremony. The audience broke into cheers, applause, and enthusiastic screams. When she stopped spinning, Caesar gave her his arm to steady herself and begged her not to stop.

“I have to, I’m dizzy!” she giggled, matching his energy. 

“So she is a teenage girl,” Haymitch whispered to [Y/n].

Katniss struggled to take a step from the dizziness so Caesar wrapped his arm around her shoulders, “Don’t worry, I’ve got you. Can’t have you following in the footsteps of the wrong mentor.”

The crowd was in an uproar of laughter as the cameras found Haymitch and [Y/n]: one now famous for his drunken stage dive at the reaping, and the other famous for being a deadly beauty. Haymitch and [Y/n] waved the cameras away good-naturedly and [Y/n] pointed back to Katniss.

Caesar laughs and brings the crowd back in as he and Katniss returned to their seats, “So, how about that training score. Eleven. Whatever happened there?”

The cameras find the Gamemakers and Katniss says, “Um ... all I can say is I think it was a first.” The Gamemakers are laughing and nodding in agreement.

“You’re killing us- details! Details!,” says Caesar.

Katniss looks to the Gamemakers, “I’m not supposed to talk about it, right?” One of them shouts down that she can’t say anything so Katniss looks at the crowd, “Sorry. My lips are sealed.”

Caesar moped then grew uncharacteristically quiet and serious, “Let’s go back then, to the moment they called your sister’s name at the reaping and you volunteered. Can you tell us

about her?”

Katniss gave a small exhale. “Her name’s Prim. She’s just twelve and I love her more than

Anything.” The crowd was silent with emotion.

“What did she say to you? After the reaping?” Caesar asked.

“She asked me to try really hard to win.” 

“And what did you say?” 

“I said I would try. I would try and win for her,”

“And try you shall,” Caesar said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze as the buzzer sounded, “Sorry we’re out of time, folks. Best of luck, Katniss Everdeen, tribute from District Twelve.”

The crowd doesn’t stop clapping and cheering until Katniss is seated backstage. They pause for a moment until Peeta is introduced.

[Y/n] followed Katniss, “I am so proud of you- that is how you get sponsors!’ she said as the crowd laughs at something Peeta said. They missed Caesars question, but heard Peeta ask if he smelt like roses. The crowd cannot contain themselves as Peeta and Caesar sniff each other.

“Seems we won’t have trouble getting things for either of you,” [Y/n] smiles.

Caesar’s voice comes through the backstage TV, “So Peeta, tell me, is there a special girl back home?” Peeta shakes his head side-to-side as he denies having anyone, “Handsome lad like you? There must be a special girl. Come on, tell us?” Caesar sounds like he’ll die if Peeta doesn’t start talking about someone.

Peeta sighed, “Well, there is this one girl I’ve had a crush on forever,” Caesar got a knowing grin on his face, “But I’m pretty sure she didn’t recognize me until the reaping.”

[Y/n] mused as the crowd collectively expressed sympathy, “Ah, he’s taken a sympathetic angle,”

“She have another fellow?” Caesar asked sadly.

“I don’t think so, but a lot of boys like her,” Peeta said.

“Well, you go out there, and you win this thing, and she’ll have to go out with you!” Caesar said encouragingly.

Just loud enough for everyone to hear, Peeta said, “No, I don’t think winning will help too much,”

“Oh? Why not?”

Peeta’s cheeks lit up to match the flames on Katniss’ dress. Everyone- [Y/n] and Katniss included- leaned forward in anticipation of his answer, “Because… because... she came here with me.”

The cameras lingered on Peeta’s heartbroken expression. Suddenly, they are fixed on Katniss and [Y/n], mouths open in shock. Katniss closed her mouth and looked down so the cameras couldn’t see her expression and [Y/n] wrapped an arm around Katniss, trying to appear sympathetic.

“Oh, well that’s bad luck,” Caesar’s expression was full of genuine pain and mirrored on the crowd- half of whom had started crying.

The interview finished as Caesar consoled Peeta and wished him well. The crowd clapped and cheered as the last tribute left the stage. [Y/n] knew Katniss was not blushing from being flattered- the girl was embarrassed. That was [Y/n]’s cue to rush Katniss upstairs. They were back on the twelfth floor for barely a minute before Peeta and Haymitch stepped off another elevator. Before anyone could react, Katniss angrily lunged and slammed her hands onto Peeta’s chest. He stumbled and crashed into the wall. Haymitch shot forward and forced Katniss away from Peeta.

“What the hell was that? You had no right to say that about me!” Katniss yelled.

Haymitch shouted for her to stop as she loudly challenged, “You wanna train alone and now you have a crush on me? Let’s go! Right now!”

Cinna and Effie stepped off the elevator as [Y/n] angrily told Katniss to “knock it off”.

“You’re a fool,” Haymitch said with a disgusted tone, “That boy gave you something

you could never get on your own.”

“He made me look weak!”

“He made you look desirable! And let’s face it, you were about as romantic as the goddamn dirt until he said he wanted you. Now everyone wants you. The talk of the Capital: the star-crossed lovers from District Twelve!”

“We are NOT star-crossed lovers!” she shouted.

[Y/n] felt the room get more heated, “Katniss-”

“It’s a television show!” Haymitch interrupted angrily.

“Haymitch, shut up!” [Y/n] yelled- the room grew quiet as everyone stilled in shock by the angry sound, “You!” she pointed at Katniss, “Be grateful that you have people who care about you and let go of your goddamn ego. You!” she pointed at Peeta, “Don’t say anything else about your feelings for her until you’re in that arena and don’t listen to Haymitch for emotional romantic advice. And YOU!” she stood up straight and faced Haymitch, “Go to your fucking room and sober up! I cannot take this dysfunctional group for the rest of the night!” [Y/n] stormed off to her own room.

Everyone was shocked to silence for a few minutes. Katniss was surprised and had been having a hard time imagining [Y/n] as anything but a glamor woman. Haymitch and Peeta looked at their feet like schoolboys who’d just been told off. 

Effie broke the silence, “Well she didn’t need to curse,”

Haymitch, Cinna, and Peeta groaned at the comment and left the room. Effie announced that she needed to leave and bounced into the elevator, leaving Katniss alone in the entryway. 

Masterlist

they hate it when you have sweet brown eyes and chubby cheeks