Armored Core 6 Plays With Names A Lot.

Humans are weird: MMO’s

Alien: What do these letters mean? Human: “Massively Multiplayer Online Game” Alien: Shouldn’t there be a “G” in there as well then? Human: Then it would be “MMOG”, and that sounds silly when said out loud. Alien: *Looks sad* Human: Oh Christ your name is Mmog, isn’t it? ---------------------------

Alien: So this game is about the star wars religious fanatics fighting each other? Human: Pretty much. Alien: You would think the rest of the galaxy would have united and wiped them all out by now since it looks like the majority of conflicts are started by one side or the other. Human: Pretty hard to stamp them out when they can crush your windpipe from half a star system away. ----------------------------

Alien: So evil triangles fighting good spheres? Human: Pretty much. Alien: That doesn’t sound exciting. Human: It was before they put up a paywall around everything believe it or not. Alien: How so? Human: Well for one thing you got to punch an ancient worm god the size of a skyscraper in the face on Mars. Alien: Wow, that does sound like fun. -------------------------------

Alien: Friend human, I wish to start a fight but I don’t know hard. Human: Oh that’s easy. Human: Walk into any of those blue cities and shout in chat “Sylvanas did nothing wrong!”. Alien: Thanks. *An hour passes* Human: How’s it going? Alien: I’m not sure how but I may have started an in-game race war. Human: Ah; classic indeed. ---------------------------------

Alien: So this one is about flying around the universe and raiding people? Human: Yup. Alien: Isn’t that what we do now though? Human: Well when it came out it was depicting the future so it was more exciting. Alien: I’ll say. Alien: For being supposedly dangerous I’ve seen waiting lines at amusement parks on Florp III that were more harrowing. Human: They never did find that little girl waiting for the teacup ride. -------------------

Alien: Why are there fire pits everywhere?!?! Alien: There are not enough players to need so many. Human: you just don’t understand. Alien: Understand what? Human: You always need to leave a trail of fire pits behind you as you go in this game. Alien: Why? Human: *Points behind alien character to see angry band of players dodging way through fire pits trying to attack them* ---------------------

Alien: I don’t like this one. Human: Really? Human: You loved the two previous entries. Alien: Those were both offline games and this one isn’t. Alien: Plus it has a really annoying feature I hate. Human: Which is? Alien: Having to interact with other players to complete missions. -------------------

Human: They called this one a wow killer. Alien: How’d this get a name like that? Human: Well for starters they invested in decent writers. ------------------

Human: I heard that one is rather good. Alien: I guess. Human: You sound disappointed. Alien: Well I’ve yet to come across this black desert the title speaks of and I’m starting to get upset. -------------------

Alien: All I wanted to do was mine asteroids!!! Human: Yeah, but you did it in their territory. Alien: This is government controlled systems! Alien: Nothing is player controlled!!! Human: Probably explains why they are swarming you with cheap ships. Alien: Why!?!? Human: They’re probably hoping they can take you out before concord floods the system and wipes them all out. Alien: That’s crazy! Alien: They’d waste dozens of ships just to take out my lone miner? Human: Let me tell you about a little group called “Goonswarm”. ----------------------------

Alien: So everything is player created in this world? Human: For the economy at least.  Alien: That would explain a few things. Human: Like why there is super inflation for a bundle of wood? Alien: More so why every sword for sale is called a variation of “Buttsmasher”

Ring Freddie's description reads:

"A warrior of the Rubicon Liberation Front.

Paramour and personal attendant to Dolmayan, Freddie maintains an aloof distance from his fellow comrades.

An admirer of the inner world of Dolmayan's mind, he entered the battlefield so that the father of the Liberation Front would never need be alone."

This is the only canonical relationship in armored core 6 and it's gay!

There have been many good video game bosses. Most of them in Soulsborne games if we're being honest... But nothing will ever make me forget the first time fighting Spirit of Motherwill in Armored Core: For Answer (incidentally, also a game by From Software... go figure)

The fact that the battle begins as soon as you load into the level, how you have to dodge its long range artillery before you even get in sight of this mechanical monstrosity while you're doing mach fuck across a desert. Then once you're actually in close enough to start shooting, it's so big. IT'S SO BIG. it's only ("only") the first boss, but by now you're used to your mech needing an entire 10 lane highway to stand, towering over buildings and literally crushing huge tanks underfoot. But Motherwill... It actually takes a long time to fly around her. But of course, you won't really have time to check because there is a CONSTANT barrage of AA guns, missile salvos, tiny mechs (in comparison to you but still bigger than a Gundam) flying out of her two hangers. You need to be constantly moving in two directions and using your limited (!!!!) supply of flares to survive the onslaught, all while chipping away at her superstructure. She doesn't even have the decency to display a health bar, none of the AC:FA bosses do. But if she did, you'd realize right away (instead of 15 minutes into the fight, like me) that you literally don't have enough ammo for this. You HAVE to bring a sword because your guns, missile launchers, grenade cannons, railguns, and more will simply run out of bang bangs before Motherwill stops trying to kill you. When the victory cutscene plays, and your mech poses next to a piece of wreckage with "Motherwi" written on it, the rush comes to an end and you finally realize you were holding your breath for way too long. The mission complete screen loads up and you get paid, despairing at the repair and ammo costs, and then. Instead of returning to the hanger like usual, the chapter end cutscene plays, and you get another tidbit of lore.

And THEN, two hours later, you fight the SECOND BOSS OF THE GAME and get absolutely rinsed because oh yeah. The folks that made this game went on to create Dark Souls.

Spirit of Motherwill was the best video game boss I've ever faced, and she was only the warmup for Armored Core: For Answer. Over a decade later, I've yet to play anything that comes close to giving me such an experience.

I think my dream career would be lying under the reactor of a spaceship and rapidly splicing cables with my teeth while we're narrowly escaping a pirate's harpoon by juicing the engine so hard we rip the launcher out of the other ship's frame but I don't think that exists yet so I have to settle for esoteric wizard languages that make light and sound. also there would be a greasy girl there with me who's the ship's munitions expert and she teaches me more about the guns on the ship and I convince her to stick her hand into the shield generator. she's mostly there for tumblr notes but we're in love regardless

I remember someone saying "mad scientists in fiction aren't scientists because there's never a control group"

I think if you've created an elixir that turns people into goat men you have sort have gone past the need for a control group. The control group is not going to placebo themselves into goat men. You can probably not run the control group, and safely assume that none of them would have turned into goat men. That said, having a control group for that would make the mad scientist seem extra crazy and be really really funny, especially if he was carefully testing them for goat like features from the dyed water they drank instead of the elixir

Fuck your stupid rock

me when i create a robot whose supposed to be sentient and not an order-following hooligan but the code i gave it winds up being contradictory to its orders causing mass confusion within the system resulting in said robot going violently insane . hahaha! oopsies… ^_^