I'm Thinking About Atsushi Representing The Saint And I'm Thinking About Akutagawa Representing The Sinner.

Fandom: Scopper Gaban is gonna be so badass when he's finally introduced.

Oda:

WHAT IS YOUR SECRET BROOK???

i think chuuya would really like the offsping tbh (and crazy taxi)

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT????

Oh yeah I had...tumblr.....HI (⁠´⁠；⁠ω⁠；⁠｀⁠)

One thing I've been struggling to articulate is how meaningfull the “now we're even” line is to sskk. Because I believe it's really so poignant even beyond it's meaning of “returning the favor”. With sskk, it's always been a fight to surpass, to get the upper hand, to prevail. Always trying to come first before the other, always trying to win over the other. Akutagawa literally tells Atsushi “defeating you, that alone is my meaning”, and Atsushi too says “I have to become stronger [...] that is what I must do to deny Akutagawa's strength”. It's fight for supremacy: for Akutagawa first of all, since he feels like the only way he has to gain his validation to live is by the way of proving himself to Dazai through defeating Atsushi; but it's a matter of triumphing over the other for Atsushi, too, for whom doing good equates to it being okay for him to keep living, and for whom doing good often came in the form of defying evil, evil that Akutagawa so perfectly embodied. It's always been a fight to prevail, it's always been a “either you, or me”. Coexistence for them was simply unthinkable.

But now Atsushi knows better. He's grown to recognize Akutagawa's value, and to appreciate his sacrifice. Most importantly, he concluded that they don't need to fight for supremacy anymore; now that he aknowealdges Akutagawa's humanity and respects him, he can finally think of the two of them as equals, peers. That's the “even” there is to it: they've finally found their common ground. Aid, support, look after one another: it's not about trying to get in front or surpass the other anymore, but rather, stand side by side. And it gets me so emotional.

Sabo Week Day 6:

Reunion/Smile

usopp got tested

I've been thinking about the moment where Douma suddenly confesses an attraction to Shinobu while the two were in limbo. It's short, and semi-serious, but I think it's a genuine - and tragic - feeling on Douma's part, and it hits him right at this moment.

From his earliest memories, Douma has been surrounded by suffering people, people who latched onto him for peace. He was raised to believe that he lived alone in a world of suffering people, and that his purpose was nothing but to ease their pain. There was no room for himself as a person. He had to be a saviour. People needed him. They latched onto a child and drained him dry emotionally so they could feel better, because they were dependant.

But Shinobu doesn't need him, not even for revenge, not anymore. Shinobu is content.

Douma is entranced. He took to Kotoha, Inosuke's mother, and liked her well enough to want her around, but she was still a dependant, like the rest of his followers. She was still a suffering person who relied upon him like everyone else. She fit neatly into his warped view of the world and its people, and could be discarded when necessary.

Shinobu is unlike anything Douma has ever seen before. He has never known contentment, not for anyone around him and especially not himself. He has lived more than a century believing that just pretending to be that purposeful, happy person was enough. But as Kanao rightly said, he is empty, and he knows it, and it haunts him.

Douma spent his entire life forcing himself to like and enjoy a role he was forced into in spite of his own feelings, and at the end he realised that it amounted to absolutely nothing. He was still empty, unfulfilled and miserable.

So the sight of a person, even the woman who killed him, showing the genuine joy of an ambition and life fulfilled, how could Douma not be smitten by it?

It's not true love, not based on Shinobu as an individual and certainly not healthy, but it's a sensation born from witnessing the purest iteration of the state of being that has so long eluded him. He now knows that such a thing is achievable, possible, and so should heaven and hell.

For more than a century, Douma knew that his life was a lie. He was not a seer, he could not hear the gods, but had to pretend otherwise because everyone believed - or said - otherwise. Living this lie developed a deep cynicism towards those things which people said were true, like salvation and peace.

Douma knew deep down that what he did was not salvation, and therefore believed that it was unachievable no matter how much he said otherwise.

But Shinobu proved him wrong. And no matter how Douma wants to hold onto the thing that proved him wrong, all that awaits him is hell. It was all too late.

Thinking about Dazai and Kyouka and how they're both former Mafia members who managed to escape and join the Agency... and that's an experience that's uniquely theirs, nobody else could understand what they went through—and what they're still going through, as a consequence of all that they did in the past.

They could afford to talk about it more, or share some kind of solidarity over it. But then again, neither Dazai or Kyouka are the type to be forthcoming, especially when it comes to their pasts. I imagine that there's still little things! Like Dazai understanding some of Kyouka's trauma when nobody else knows exactly what bothers her and why. Like Kyouka knowing the full extent of the cruelty that Dazai is capable of, and therefore comprehending the weight of his choice to be on the side of good.