FadeShock Hc’s Cause I Love Them (also Some FadeShockStorm)

Forgot to post this one lol

Listen I hate valorant as much as the next guy however one of my favourite things to do is play clove on usa servers and do my best impersonation of them in team chat

My thoughts on certain val ships

(if you disagree w/ my takes thats swag nd i respect that)

Galaxsea (Astra x Harbour)

I honestly don’t have to many thoughts abt these two

they’re just cute and I love them

they’re both massive nerds and no one can convince me otherwise

they 100% braid each others hair

Reyge (Reyna x Sage)

I love them so much

They’re both so mother

Sage wakes up obnoxiously early (doctor things) and Reyna complains and drags her back into bed

Sage makes little trinkets out of jade (the stuff her powers use?? is it jade?? idk just roll with it) and gives them to Reyna

Reyna singing spanish folk songs to help Sage fall asleep

Reyna will whisper some raunchier comments in Sages ear just to watch Sage get flustered 

Cyberowl (Cypher x Sova)

Cypher forces Sova to take breaks when he overworks himself (which is often)

They passive aggressively flirt with each other

Both of them are emotionally constipated

Cypher once called Sova beautiful and Sova could not think straight the rest of the day

Sova sleeps like the dead so Cypher will often wake up with random limbs in his face or Sova just lying on top of him

Viper x Chamber (i actually have no idea what their ship name is someone pls lmk)

Viper hooking up with Chamber claiming it’s “something to take the edge off” before falling hard

Chamber does something stupid and Viper just watches and realises she’s in love with a dumbass

Viper being in love with Chamber and being very unhappy about it

Chamber likes to buy Viper fancy gifts and Viper has no idea how to respond

Fadeshock (Fade x Neon)

Them both bonding over being afraid of their powers

Sleepy girlfriends 

When Fade stands up Neon pokes in the side and gives her a tiny electric shock

Neon is besties w/ Fades prowlers

Neon once made dinner for her and Fade and Fade was so close to proposing after eating it

Fade wraps herself around Neon in her sleep

Nanobomb (Killjoy x Raze)

They both sing along German rock music in KJs lab

KJ once pressed her alarm bot to boombot and said they were kissing

Raze had never been more in love

They’re both really smart but so so dumb

They binge watch soaps together

Raze made a version of boombot that doesn’t explode and just wonders around base

KJ calls it their child

Rating Val ships simply because i can

I stared at my laptop for like 10 mins figuring out how i was gonna order this

Glalaxsea (Astra x Harbor)

A solid 9/10 overall

10/10 ship name

Very simple and very sweet

Nothing too interesting

forget the moon and the sun its moon and sea no i will not be told otherwise

(the moon and the sea fell in love but were separated and now the sea tries to reach for the moon and thats why we have waves is the story behind it btw)

Reyge (Reyna x Sage)

An easy 10/10

7/10 ship name

its good but theres better ya know

The fluff and angst potential is so good

Bitemark (Viper x Chamber)

7/10 ship

oh my god 10/10 ship name

the amount of angst that drips from this ship is delicious

viper falling hard only to find out abt everett lind nd what chambers done

fuck buddies but viper falls in love only to get her heart broken

i like them sad

Fadeshock (Fade x Neon)

10/10 ship imo

ship name is mid im so sorry 2/10

gf's who are afraid of their radiance learning control and acceptance from each other

yes pls

i think they take naps together

Yorunix (Yoru x Pheonix)

a healthy 9/10 ship

yorunix is 1/10 riftfire is 6/10 firewalker (which is what i call them) 10/10

Yoru is so in love with Phoenix and he is very mad about it

Phoenix is oblivious

I just think they love each other

Cyberowl (Sova/Cypher)

7/10 imo but its also one of my favs

8/10 ship name since i think it's pretty dope

*quietly chants in your ear* rivals to lovers rivals to lover rivals to-

Cypher had a wife but still has negative rizz and Sova is a useless homosexual

you know im right

Yokye (Yoru x Skye)

pls don't hurt me for this but 2/10

pretty good ship name tho 8/10

yeahhhhhhhhhhhh i just don't really like it at all as a ship

i can see why it's just....

MOVING SWIFTLY ON

Nanobomb (Raze x Killjoy)

10/10 and i will not be taking critism

10/10 ship name

adhd x autism

both of them aggressively pined for ages

useless lesbians fr

nothin more to say rlly

Viper x Reyna (I have no idea what their ship name is i'm sorry)

8/10 overall

i dont know what they're ship name is but i'm assuming it's good

THE ANGST MMMMMMMMMMM

get outa here with your enemies to lovers they're enemies and lovers

A lot of hatefucking im not gonna lie to you

FINALLY GOT DEADLOCK I AM GOING TO CRY I LOVE HER

finally, some good fucking food

Could I beat the valorant agents in chess boxing?

Ok in chess boxing you do 6 round of chess and 5 of boxing, chess rounds last 4 mins and boxing round last 3. Now heres my thoughts on what characters i could take in chess boxing.

Astra

Astra presides over most if not all of time and space so she’d mostly definitely have a leg up in the chess department. As for the boxing I think she’d wipe the fucking floor with me, the woman has a metal arm and I am very frightened always

Breach

I think Breach is like quite a smart guy but i don’t think he knows chess (tbf i dont really either) so i’d try to get the upper hand in chess hopefully winning quickly so I do not get obliterated by an angry swede

Brimstone

Once again Brim is smart but not chess smart so I’d feel alright about taking him in chess but in boxing???? no thanks, this man has arms the size of my head and i’d rather my bones stay intact

Chamber

Chamber seems like the type of asshole to enjoy chess so I’m just gonna cut my losses there boxing on the other hand, I feel like my hatred for france alone would carry my through the boxing session. (for a little context I am very very british and therefore am natural enemies w/ the french). Also please consider he’s lanky as fuck like i could kick him in the knees and he’d be down

Cypher

Right we already know im not winning against cypher in chess, it is what it is. Im gonna keep this part short and sweet but I would kick this mans ass, he’s hardly taller than me and i’m a god damn brawler. I am winning against this man no matter what.

Deadlock

Hot take but I think I could probably win against her in chess. In boxing I am dead, she fought a bear and won, she has a fucking metal arm, I just think she’d be good at fighting.

Fade

Once again gonna keep this short, chess im pretty sure theres no chance there. Boxing I would absolutely win, for one we are close to/if not the same height so that puts us on even ground, and two, you cannot tell me Fade lives off anything other than quick meals and coffee. I am winning 100%

Gekko

I would absolutely beat Gekko in chess boxing no I will not answer questions.

Harbor

I think with Harbor the chess portion is gonna be a 50/50 and will just depend on the game itself. With boxing just no. I refuse. Here is another character with arms the size of my head. Also he’s like 5′9 or smth so no I will not be challenging him to chess boxing anytime soon.

Jett

Easy, chess is a for sure win boxing is a lot more 50/50 overall but I’m pretty sure I could win

Kay/0

No. Just no. He’s a robot no one is beating him in chess. And no I can’t win in boxing his name is literally K/O  and he is a robot in what world would he not end my entire bloodline

Only did half the agents cus I am lazy but I may make a follow up

They’re wives your honor

More val headcannons because i can

If deadlock isn’t wearing her prosthetic and someone tries to hand her something she goes to grab it with her missing arm

Cue a lot of Norwegian swearing

All the younger agents have weekly K-drama watch party’s

Deadlock was kinda awkward when she first joined the protocol and her way to get around it was to offer people a hand before throwing her prosthetic at them

Breach thought it was hilarious 

Gekko asked Neon where she gets her hair dye and she just went what dye???

Phoenix once ate a small bit of radianite 

Fade slept facedown on the kitchen floor once which almost gave Sage a heart attack

Omen makes a mean hot chocolate

Brimstone likes to use old fashioned (very american) sayings but was forced to stop since Viper told him he was confusing the international agents

Monopoly was banned after Yoru and Phoenix got into a fistfight over it

Raze and Killjoy have lego dates where they just sit and build legos

Sage tried to learn at least a couple words in all of the Asian agents first languages 

Now she teaches Yoru Mandarin in exchange for him teaching her Japanese

Sova refuses to swear in English but swears aggressively in Russian if he so much as stubs his toe

Habor is weirdly good at mario cart

Phoenix once bet he could out drink Sova (he could not)

Chamber drinks the fanciest most expensive cocktails he can get his hands on

 Any agent under 29 has been called a baby at least once

None of the agents really watch sports but during the world cup everyone is so invested

same with Eurovision