You Know What’s Hard To Swallow?

You know what’s hard to swallow?

When you thought you had it all figured out. Not life, per se, but yourself - ever changing or not.

When you thought you had figured out the root of your problems, and praised yourself for being so darn self aware.

And then, something flips, the moment you give in to vice that you thought you had uncovered the secrets of. Why you drink, why you smoke, why you can’t seem to stop.

You thought you’d figured it out - why it pulled you in, and then, nothing makes sense anymore.

The moment of realising that you don’t know your demons, you don’t know why your eyes seem to always gaze back at the glass of wine next to you, and then the bottle. Why it seems to call out to you, louder than anything else in the room - a scream in an endless sea of whispers.

You give in, because the absolute soul crushing feeling of once again being wrong about yourself is worse than faking the reasons, but you know you’ll make up another. And you’ll believe it.

And the cycle will repeat.