A Playlist For The BPD Girlies Who Love The Manic-euphoric Feeling Of A Night Club

yeah, sorry i exhibited symptoms of the disorder i told you i have. it will happen again because i have that disorder and will continue having it. hope this helps!! 🫶🫶🫶

When you need to work from home and still live with your parents.

And all of your safe foods are at work, and you just sit there with raging thoughts of “What am I going to eat? Shit. If I don’t have something small and low calorie then I’m going to binge, and if I eat anything in this house I’m going to binge, and if I -“

The surface of Pluto, painted by James Hervat for Astronomy magazine in the 1970s

if home is where the heart is, I can confidently say that I am homeless.

Perhaps it shouldn't, but it does.

It pisses me off when people, especially those close to you, are aware of certain things. That you were nearly sent to a centre for an ED, one that you've had for seven years. One which causes a fistfight to occur in your brain everyday of your life. They know these things, and yet, they don't understand that their words hurt. Because the second you (how dare you) pick up weight, all of a sudden its their goal in life to make it known that you have.

As someone who has grown up with an underactive thyroid, developing an ED is not uncommon. It is 10x more difficult to lose weight, and often this is just the outcome. And as soon as you hit your goal, something could happen that throws your whole body out of whack - for me, it was a new job. The stress causes hormones to go crazy, and in turn, thyroid levels to go down; drastically. And this leads to weight gain - unintentional and uncontrollable weight gain. And yet, those who know the story, still feel the need to rub it in - that something happened that was out of my control. That my body itself, hates me as much as I hate it.

“have you ever just cried because you’re you”

Quiet BPD in a nutshell:

“I can’t take it out on anyone else, so I take it out on myself”

“I’m scared of the day I explode”

“My knuckles are bruised and bleeding from punching my walls, but at least your face is fine”

If someone had to ask, “what’s the worst part of living with bpd?”

I think I’d say, trying to explain to someone what it’s like to not know who you are. Trying to explain swimming to someone who’s never seen water. Trying to explain purple to someone who’s blind.

It always results in a response along the lines of “But I know you”.

Which forces the conversation to an end, with a sigh. Realising that no one will ever truly understand what you are trying to tell them.

Realising that, the person they know, is based on themselves. Or the current movie character obsession of the week.

Trying to explain to someone that, if you were left alone, without any form of influence - real, or fictional - you would be stuck in place.

Sorry, I didn't text back. Everything has been a lot lately.