The Best Love Story Of All Time

dead wife who was MEAN and slept without a TOP SHEET and only went to the beach when it was OVERCAST to SCOWL at the waves

Help! I swallowed a fly accidentally! and it was buzzing around so I swallowed a spider to eat the fly and then I swallowed a bird to eat the spider that ate the fly and oh I don’t know what to do! Help me!

alright, alright, alright. calm down. this sounds like it's getting away from you and you're fucking freaking out and just doing random shit that doesn't make any sense. here's what you do: go find a cat

the women in my bluetooth headphones sounds mad at me :(

there is a demon telling you to go to bed without brushing your teeth... do not listen to him

“Cats are connoisseurs of comfort.” 🐱

Good vibrations

(via)

Okay queen!!!

what they dont tell you about those little hand baskets in the grocery store is if you put enough things in them they get heavy