What A Beautiful Thing, To Be Queer. How Lovely It Is To Be Strange, To Have Edges That Spill Out Over

hi 😍

why do I live in constant dissociation and rage to the point that I get so locked up in mind that I can't make sense of what's going on around me or what I feel while my friends get to actually enjoy even the smallest things in life and they happily hang out together while I'm rotting inside.

I hate hate hate when I'm so overloaded that I stop seeing people as complex beings and can only process them as sensory hell machines or something I hate thinking about people that way

what if I start killing everyone

(i am of course talking about the shadows in the corners and the voices in my head)

girls and their desperate desire to push everyone away

my mental state

the reason i love tumblr so much is because there are so many insane, alienated , delusional silly little teenage girls who are obsessed with lana del rey and fashion just like me that validate my existence as a crazy b!tch

și ție iti doresc o zi de miercuri plina de zâmbește și voie buna, dragul meu alex!

i think the worst part about bpd no one talks about is being self aware. being aware of it doesnt make it any better, if anything it makes it worse because of how frustrating it is. like i know that what im doing is a symptom, but i still cannot stop myself from doing it. yes, it does make me feel absolutely ridiculous that my entire mood and well-being depends on whether you say 'ok' or 'okay', but i literally do not have a choice.