Can We Get Some Slenderman X S/o Cuddling/sleeping Together Headcanons! Like How They Cuddle Each Other

*Snorts* So he actually did indeed fall down the staircase and probably gave poor Mrs. Hudson a heart attack! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍✨😂🤣😌😁😉☺️💯👉🏻👈🏻

Does your broken butt fell better today, Sherly? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍🥺🥹😭😳🥲😅☺️😉😁😌😂🤣👉🏻👈🏻

My posterior is not broken. The majority of it consists of muscles like the gluteus maximus, which you can't really break.

Concerning my bruised non-injured coccyx and sacrum, I might have palpated them when if I had fallen on them. And the theoretical palpation showed no broken or moving parts. No x-ray necessary given that a broken coccyx can't be treated with a cast anyway given you can't immobilise the bone properly.

But of course such a theoretical injury takes some days to heal and several impact points on legs and arms have bruises when you fall down the stairs. Hematoma usually take a few weeks to heal, as well as the pain to lessen. All theoretical, of course.

...Now I really wanna sniff an ahpeloria virginiensis. Thanks. Are there any such awesome awesome critters running around in Germany somewhere by any change? I know that it's being said that theraposidae like the phoneutria and lycosidae like the sparrasidae appearantly wandered to Germany. But so far, I had no luck finding one unfortunately.

do millipedes spray cyanide? i relocated a couple while cleaning my yard and now i'm mildly concerned

the millipedes that release hydrogen cyanide release it as a gas. these include various flat-back millipedes, although there’s plenty of flat-backs that just use a benzoquinone-based fluid defense chemical, which is what many other common millipedes produce (including the round-backed juliforms one often finds in the yard). in either case, you’d need to swallow a millipede for it to do you any great harm.

Apheloria virginiensis is one local to me, and I am guilty of picking them up when on walks in the woods to smell the cyanide: it’s a fragrant scent of almonds or cherries.

cyanide-producing millipedes, since their defense chemical is gaseous, really can’t hurt you unless you’ve already ingested the millipede or are like huffing dozens of them, which would both be probably be actions deserving of consequences.

other millipedes’ liquid chemicals usually just smell foul, like burning rubber. most millipedes under 3-4 cm aren’t going to pack much of a toxic punch at all. some of the larger tropical species in the Spirobolida and Spirostreptida can cause caustic burns if it isn’t washed off soon with detergent or if you have very sensitive skin. I’ve harassed plenty a Narceus and gotten some yellow, later dark purple stains on my hands, but that was the extent of it.

Goodness gracious, why...?! And if I msy be allowed to also give one of my own headcannons, I'd kind of say that Umbitch forces her student to wear pink when ever not in class. And on Wendesdays probably... But again, WHY?!

Hey! I know you're most likely gonna hate me for even thinking about asking that, but couple I maybe request a big bunch of your best headcannons about Professor Umbridge going full on yandere over onne of her female students??? Thanks in advance!

*blinks*

Okay, first of all, for anyone out there: I'm OLD and I live under a rock

Face reveal v

I had to google what yandere meant..... help

With that said, I– I just– w-why???

I don't even know what to tell you or what to make of this because my brain is physically unable to produce any sort of Umbridge headcanons so I don't know where to find you "a big bunch" of them

What comes to mind for now is the following:

She would give her student an ungodly amounts of useless gifts, like a collection of cat-themed stationery

She would build a shrine in a corner of her office with way too many shades of pink, tea cozies with the student’s face on them, framed photos of her and cuts from "The Daily Prophet", also singing kitten in moving portraits that would meow the student's name like a mantra

She would punish the other students for stupid stuff of course and the sanctions would be extreme with like a quill that writes "I must not covet what is hers" or "stay away from [student's name]" into their skin

She would have no scrupules using Imperio to hurt those who try to interact with her favourite student or punish her if she tried to have any sort of relationship, even platonic with someone else

She would implement rules at Hogwarts that would ensure she could spend time with her student

Also, she would rearrange schedules every day

She would come to Quidditch matches with huge banners with ridiculous slogans to encourage her student, and she would force the students she tolerates most to be part of a fan club to cheer during the matches (but not too much, otherwise she would feel threatened and severely punish them)

Apart from that, I'm sorry but nothing comes to mind because whaaaat 😭

If you could assign the BB cast basic minimum wage jobs for this holiday season, where would they work & how long do you think they'd last before getting fired (or quitting in a blind rage)

Ciel Phantomhive = buying christmas tree decorations. He would get fired for shouting at people, from having bottled up his angry.He would last about ½ weeks at the most.

Sebastian Michaelis = christmas chef. He would quit, Sebastian would not get fired, he’s perfect. He would quit after a week.

Alois Trancy = Being in charge of a christmas bake sales. He would be fired for always shouting at the customores and using fowl language. He would last 4 days.

Claude Faustus = Cleaning up after christmas dinners. He would quit, from just getting tired of everyones bull shit. He would last 2/3 weeks.

Ronald Knox = He would be in charge of being a bar tender at a cheap bar. He would be fired, because he was caught trying to poison one of the annoying customers. He would last 6 days.

Madam Red = Wrapping gifts for charitys. She would be fired, after she started bitching at a person who demanded to have 4 gifts for her 2 kids, even tho you can only have 1 gift per child. She lasted 5 days.

Eurus is smarter then both Sherlock and Mycroft combined! 🕷️❤️😍🥰😘😌👀😉🤣😂😁💯👉🏻👈🏻

I've been able to successfully let her go back into the wild. Or better phrased yet, she decided it was time to go back to her life in the wild herself.

Of course I've hurried outside and was worried at first, but after some time I was able to watch her reconnecting with her family.

I watched her being fed by her Mom, which was cute but hit right home. I was kind of sad that she's gone now and I have no bird to care for anymore, but I was also really happy to know that Elischeba is healthy and back with her family. But I do have to admit that I still miss her a lot... 🕷️😘😍🥰😌☺️😉😁🥹🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Hi there, Mr. Holmes! What are your thoughts about arachnophilia and entomomania? *Leaves big chocolate cake for you*

Arachnophilia and entomomania? How thoroughly... intriguing. The love of spiders and the fear of insects. I suppose everyone needs a lexicon hobby.

Without proper context, I'm afraid I don't have any interesting thoughts on them.

As for the cake, your offering is duly noted. I trust it is dark chocolate?

Spiders are not insects, they're arachnids. But that is a very beautiful latrodectus tredecimguttatus nonetheless. Did you take the picture yourself? I have to admit the picture has a rather good quality! 🕷️❤️

🕷❤️

Slender Brothers and Female Beauty Practises Used in the Middle Ages!

What the Slender Brothers thought of beauty practices in Europe during the Middle Ages for Females. Inspired by Haus of Holbein from Six: The Musical XD 

Warnings: Well, Offender’s of course discusses rape so don’t read it if you know its going to make you uncomfortable. As a whole though, they all talk about pretty gross and painful sounding stuff. That’s what the practises for beauty were like at the time. That’s the whole topic. Basically though, if you’re cool watching Horrible Histories then these (Except Offenders) should be okay. 

~~~

Offenderman:

Man, your make-up, wigs and rat fur eyebrows are gonna get wiped off with him. This is not because he’s sloppy… its actually because he doesn’t like the taste. His mouth is gonna find itself in all sorts of places and he doesn’t need to be tasting hog grease on your face, no matter how good for your skin you might think it is! This includes if they used lead for makeup, arsenic, nightshade, lard, or anything else (for this reason, Offender actually avoided much accidental poisoning that way. Of course, this man poisons himself anyway with other drugs). Hair extensions would also go. He did get excited though when he, uh, caught a girl having her late night / before bed routine with blood on her face, though. Like when you get a box of cornflakes and theirs coco pops in there instead.

He was and still is pretty fascinated with corsets though.

Slenderman:

Don’t take this as Slender being ‘ahead of the time’, but the moment he left his forest for a moment and saw women replacing their eyebrows with rat fur and using pee to lighten their hair, he was out of there. No, no. Absolutely not. That’s disgusting and ridiculous. He goes home in disgust and then he laughs his ass off (Cruelly). Like I said, this doesn’t mean Slender was ahead of the time (None of them were or are. They can do their own research, but that can only lead them to be as forward as the rest of the world is- they’re telepathic, not psychic), it just means he was judgmental and thinks the only valid image of beauty is his own. “No Splender I’m not leaving this forest, there are people out there who pluck their hairlines away until they look like what emerges from a hens vagina. With a face.”  

Splenderman:

Splender has been around humans for so long and he pays so much attention (Not out of creepiness- out of care) that he is well aware of the state a human body should be in if it’s healthy and comfortable and how it definitely should not look if it is healthy and comfortable. This means that when people started getting sick and losing the ability to walk too early in life after they started using certain beauty practises, he knew exactly what to blame. And he, of course, tried to warn people when the topic came up and made his views on these things clear to people he knew, these things were kinda… normal?? You know? There wasn’t much he could do. People would just brush him off. Folks always complain about new things, that doesn’t mean they’re bad! Right?

This normalcy barrier though, did not stop our man from being a legit vigilante by night and making sure that various X-Ray clinics (These would be used for hair removal. You got stuck under the X-Ray machine for up to a day and it got rid of your hair… but it also, of course, destroyed your skin) and small cosmetics factories that put arsenic and deadly night shade in their products would shut down. He did this by stealing their equipment and materials and getting rid of it. Splender’s awesome.

Trenderman:

Of course, Trender is a fashion plate and he has always appreciated mortals’ sense of style and art, but he isn’t obsessive about sticking to the trends. He likes to do his own thing, you know? As a rule, he has always backed up his practises with science and his own experience with them, so I’m not gonna lie here. Some of the practises used during the Middle Ages did concern him a bit, aha. Such as the use of radiation for skin care and various poisons (Lead, arsenic, deadly nightshade). He would also take shoes very seriously with anyone he was dressing up for events and have them promise to him that they would excuse themselves from their party or whatever they were attending, for a bit and take off super high heels or too small slippers to let their feet breath and sit normally for a little while. He would go as far as to tell them horror stories about people who didn’t listen to him and couldn’t walk after the age of forty, or got seriously disgusting feet looking feet, or even had to have them chopped off. Yeah, Trender took it seriously.

Using mercury, though (Unfortunately), is not one of the things that concerned him. After the 1800’s, when Trender finally did fall seriously ill from the substance (It took him a while due to his superior immune system), he did of course immediately regret all of his work with it and halted its use in any of his practises. Its one of his biggest regrets. He used to recommend it so often to clients… and friends… and he can’t take any of that back. These days though he’s very current and aware to a genius extent on the subject of what’s healthy in the way of cosmetics. He doesn’t play with it at all.

I need to ask this, yandere tim and yandere brian p o l y realationship?

Jelly bois

Yan!Tim & Brian

Yandere + yandere never work out.

Yanderes are way too possessive to share.

So, interest is peaked with they agree to a poly relationship.

Things will be rough around the edges, to say the least, and the household will be toxic.

Well, more toxic than usual with yanderes.

It’s more of a, share sometimes

There are constant quarrels and arguments between the boys over you.

Sometimes is about the other spending too much time with you, giving you better gifts, or potentially trying to scare the competition off.

Masky is more controlling than Hoodie, and he’s way more confrontational.

He isn’t afraid to start a fight if needed.

They both get jealous extremely easily.

Remember the play wrestling?

Crank that up to a 10, but with each other.

They’ll spar with each other occasionally, behind your back.

Even if they are best buds (maybe more in a poly djdsjagdas), they’ll go through anything to be with their s/o,

A l o n e.

This means sometimes kidnapping you.

Especially Masky, who’s an expert at not waking you up while moving you around the house.

Aka taking you away from Brian.

He’ll just pick you up, make intense eye contact with Hoodie and walk slowly out of the room with you in his arms.

Leaving you to wonder how you woke up in Tims’s arms when you went to bed under Vrian’s fur blanket.

Bascally it’s a game of capture the flag but it’s capture the s/o.

But they lowkey love each other.

Bc Brian will be caught sleeping on top of Tim on the couch.

And when you catch him he’ll get a little flustered and deny it.

They’ll also be your big and tol body guards when you go out in public together.

They’ll generally just fuck around with people who look at you for more than .3 seconds.

Aka scaring the FucK outta them.

And maybe tag-teaming punching them in the stomach and then running off to catch up with their s/o who’s still ordering food.  

They’ll eventually learn to work out their differences with each other.

One way or another.

Cue a suspicious wink.

//I'm alive!!! Sorry this took so long, anon!!! Likes, reblogs and comments are very appreciated!//

tw: smut

Aziraphale:

Praise Kink: You better believe that this angel has a praise kink. He loves this kink, both giving and receiving, but he absolutely loves to enrapture you with compliment after compliment while pleasuring you. He'll fuck you gently while whispering praises in your ear. Praises about how beautiful you look underneath him, how cute your soft moans are, how you mean the world to him, etc.

Bondage: He likes to tie you up but not in a BDSM sort of way. He won't use ropes but instead uses silk ribbon to tie you down. He thinks you look more elegant that way. When he's done wrapping the ribbon around your naked body, he'll coo at you and say, "Look at you, my sweet... You look like a present that's waiting to be unwrapped... just for me!"

Edgeplay: This is his way of punishing you when you're being naughty. This form of punishment will go hand-in-hand with his bondage kink. While you're tied up, looking all cute and helpless, he'll edge you over and over until you're sobbing and begging for release. He'll edge you using his fingers or maybe his tongue, but his favorite way to edge you is by using a vibrator because it makes you more desperate for his touch.

Petplay: He probably won't ever admit it out loud but he has a thing for the master/pet dynamic. He'd have you wear a cute headband with fuzzy cat ears attached. He also loves to picture you in a pretty pastel colored collar with a leash attached. Will definitely call you his "pet" or his "pretty kitty."

Thigh-Highs: I headcanon Aziraphale as someone who really likes thighs. To squeeze them, kiss them, nip at them, it doesn't matter. If he were to come home to you lying on your shared bed, waiting for him in nothing but thigh-highs, expect him to be between your legs for hours worshipping you.

Tags: @aethersghoulette @crowleys-poppet-queen-of-assgard @rosefairyirl @duchessvonfingerbang @care-a-lot-comfort @imkloeyjarvis