Starting A How-Lysander-was-able-to-kill-Grimwald Theory List:

When you realize that Tristan, Iseult, Dinadan, Palamedes, and Mark are basically the stock cast of a sitcom…

Lucan's doing well post camlann i guess

I‘ve been wondering about something. Last year, I found out that being asexual was a thing, not just a quirk of mine… then realized that five of my friends already privately or publicly identified as such. Consider that: asexuals are estimated to make up about 1% of the population yet account for about 40% of my friends. Is that just a weird coincidence, are ace people more likely to gravitate toward each other (due to their likely disinterest in certain topics of conversation or general vibes or goodness knows what), did the experts significantly underestimate how many asexuals there are, or some combination of the three? I suspect it’s the third but I’m not sure to what extent each thing is a factor. Any thoughts?

A copy of The Tale of Balen by Algernon Charles Swinburne

This may be the greatest Wikipedia page I’ve ever encountered.

First, there’s the content. This is from the page on Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders, a movie which is probably best known as the last episode of the original Mystery Science Theater 3000 to air. The synopsis is enough to make this a distinctive page. After all, it’s not in every film that a lady suddenly gets both freedom from her jerk husband and the baby she always wanted when he accidentally turns himself into a baby using dark magic.

Then there are the links. In addition to the clearly relevant links to “Merlin”, “Ernest Borgnine”, and “The Monkey” by Stephen King, there are links on “benign”, “infancy”, “birthday”, “cat”, “goldfish”, “dog”, “car”, “storm”, etc. “{C}ymbal-banging monkey toy” is divided into two links: “cymbal-banging monkey” directs to “cymbal-banging monkey toy” and “toy” directs to “toy”.

Whoever wrote it had a sense of humor: the part describing the ending, when Merlin “suddenly appears” to save the day, directs to “Deus ex machina”.

Long live obscure Wikipedia pages and terrible movies.

Those are fabulous. I’ll add an old and terrible meta-theory and expand on it to apply it to Grimwald:

The whole series was a dream Billy Raven had or took place in his imagination as a way of coping with his terrible circumstances. Lord Grimwald symbolized Harold Bloor. He was never a real person, or, if he was, he only visited Bloor’s once.

I am a truther for a lot of things, but my biggest truth is that Dagbert is agender. Why? If Lord Grimwald had no first son, then Lysander could kill him all day every day no problem. He/They Dagbert who doesn't identify as a man or son or boy but actually just doesn't care

Arthurian Quotes I Love, pt. ?

“The music of the sword of the High-king of the World”. I love that phrase. Given that this is TSotCED, it could be poetic imagery or an actual, magical singing sword, but either way, I think it’s beautiful, and so is Lancelot recognizing Bhalbhuaidh by the sound of a weapon which Arthur lent him for his quest. Here, Galahad/Bhalbhuaidh, who might actually be intended to be Gawain, is not said to be Lancelot’s son and was fostered by Arthur (who is the High-king of the World, not only Britain or Logres). That Arthur raised him and gave him the sword, that Arthur sent Lancelot to lead the search party for his ward, and that Lancelot was immediately able to recognize him by the sound alone says a lot about how close to Arthur both of them are and how they slot into the court in general. You get so much from that one phrase.

The bit at the end about the Knight of the Lantern being able to fly like a bird is only a plus.

The people who are with Arthur in Avalon or are in a Cave alongside him:

(Disclaimer: Not including Morgan, the other fairies and/or Merlin)

La Bataille Loquifer: Gawain, Ywain, Percival and Guinevere (Guest Star: Roland from the Charlemagne series)

Lanzelet: Lout (Loholt)

Craig-y-Ddinas: Ywain, Kay, Bedivere, Gawain, Percival, Geraint/Erec, Tristan, Culhwch, Yder and Calogrenant (Source: The Welsh Fairy Book, by Willaim Jenkyn Thomas)

Sewingshields Folklore: Guinevere

Tally:

Queen Guinevere: 2

Sir Gawain: 2

Sir Ywain: 2

Sir Percival: 2

Sir Loholt: 1

Sir Kay: 1

Sir Bedivere: 1

Sir Geraint/Erec: 1

Sir Yder/Edern ap Nudd: 1

Sir Tristan: 1

Sir Culhwch: 1

Sir Calogrenant: 1

In the end, Arthur won't be alone...

Of course, none of the later French characters - Lancelot, Bors, Galahad, Palamedes, Dinadan, etc. - made it to Avalon or the Enchanted Cave. It's the older tradition characters who have a chance.

Lynette's family in Arthuriana

We all have heard of Lynette. We either have met her in Alfred, Lord Tennyson’s poem, “Gareth and Lynette” from the Idylls of the King, or in Le Morte d’Arthur by Sir Thomas Malory. From the mid-19th century to the present day, many works have included her either as a minor character or as the main character of her own story. As is usual, it became a curiosity of mine to find out more about her and about her family as well. In order to do so, I researched four different Arthuriana, three from the 12th century and the other one from the 15th century.

The first Arthuriana is the English one, titled “Le Morte d’Arthur” written by Sir Thomas Malory in the 15th century. In Book IV (Winchester manuscript), a damsel appears at the Pentecost feast, asking Arthur for his assistance. She withholds her identity and where she comes from. All she wants is one of Arthur’s best knights to fight for her sister who is being besieged by a tyrant.

Naturally, Arthur says no because she won’t give him more information. As we know, Beaumains (in reality, Prince Gareth of Orkney) volunteers. This pisses the damsel off because she thinks he’s a kitchen boy. During the journey, she and Beaumains clash constantly with each other. It takes them time to earn each other’s respect. It also leads for them to trust to each other. It is at Sir Persaunt of India’s city that their names to each other are revealed.

Sir Persaunt reveals her name as Lyonette (Linet in the Caxton manuscript), to which she admits it is so. Further down the text, Beaumains makes them swear not to tell anyone (which they swear not to do so) and reveals his own name.

In the end, Gareth wins against the Knight of the Red Lands, also known as Sir Ironside. He also falls in love with Lyonette’s sister, Dame Lyonesse. But she shoos him away by telling him to wait until a year later so that he gains experience and more renown. However, she changes her mind and tells her older brother, Sir Gringamore, to kidnap Gareth’s dwarf. The narrative reveals that Sir Gringamore is married. Moreover, he lives in the Isle of Avalon as it is revealed much later.

After a lot of shenanigans happen (one of them involving an undead knight), a year later Gareth marries Lyonesse. In addition, Lyonette and her niece Laurel (most probably Sir Gringamore's daughter) are married to Gaheris and Agravaine in an arranged marriage.

On the other hand, in the 12th century Arthuriana, “Érec & Énide”, written by Chretien de Troyes, Sir Gringamore, called Guigomar in the narrative, appears as a guest in the wedding of Érec and Énide. He is called the Lord of the Isle of Avalon, as well as Morgan le Fay’s “friend”. His younger brother Graislemier of Fine Posterne also appears as a guest, alongside twenty companions that came along with him.

It is of interest to mention that in another of Chrétien de Troyes’ poems, “Yvain Or The Knight Of The Lion”, Lunete mentions to her mistress, Laudine, that she got a message from her contact Demoiselle Sauvage informing her that Arthur will be coming around Laudine’s lands and she still doesn’t have anyone to defend her fountain. Similarly, in Malory, Lyonette is also called Damsel Savage as well. There is the probability that Malory took inspiration from this unnamed damsel from Chrétien de Troyes and ascribed the title to Lyonette. However, there’s not enough research that proves this possibility.

Lastly, in the First Continuation of Chrétien de Troyes’ “Perceval” written by an unknown author, Sir Gringamore makes a reappearance once more in the narrative. He’s called Guingemuer rather than Guigomar. In the story, Guerrehet (Gareth as he’s called in the narrative) avenges his half-fairy son King Brangemuer, whom he had with Queen Brangepart (a fairy). The king was named after both his parents and it is implied in the narrative that now that his mortal side is gone, he’ll still live through his fairy side of the family.

If these sources are conflated together, it can be thus concluded that:

Sir Gringamore is the Lord of the Isle of Avalon. He was at one time a lover of Morgan le Fay and he was also the lover of a fairy called Brangepart with whom he had a son called Brangemuer. He later got married and had daughter called Laurel. He’s the eldest of four siblings.

Sir Graislemier of Fine Posterne is the second brother of Sir Gringamore, and most probably lives in Avalon or in a territory adjacent to it.

Lady Lyonesse of Castle Perilous is the third sibling and youngest sister of Gringamore and the eldest sister of Lynette. She holds her own lands close to the Isle of Avalon. Moreover, she holds a magic ring that changes appearances. She married Sir Gareth of Orkney.

Lady Lynette is the youngest sister of four siblings. She's a healer, knows the magic arts, riser of the undead and wandering damsel. She’s otherwise known by Damsel Savage. She has different contacts, one of them being Lunete. She married Sir Gaheris of Orkney.

Lyonesse, Lynette and Laurel are close in age, since they married three of the Orkney brothers.

References

De Troyes, C. (2015). The complete story of the Grail: Chrétien de Troyes’ Perceval and Its Continuations (N. Bryant, Trans.). Boydell & Brewer Ltd.

De Troyes, C. (2018a). Érec & Énide (A. S. Kline, Trans.). Poetry in Translation. https://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/French/DeTroyesErecEnidehome.php

De Troyes, C. (2018b). Yvain Or The Knight Of The Lion (A. S. Kline, Trans.). Poetry in Translation. https://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/French/DeTroyesYvainhome.php

Malory, T. (2009). Sir Thomas Malory’s Morte Darthur: A New Modern English Translation Based on the Winchester Manuscript (D. Armstrong, Ed. & Trans.). Parlor Press LLC.

Maybe I should be asking why poisoning is so common there that Kay feels the need (and has the means) to provide poison-proof cups which can feel anger, or how the silver is on fire, and I am now, but the first question which came to my mind was, "What is in the blue stew?" Blueberries? No, that would be indigo or just plain purple. I can't think of any means of dyeing food blue which they would have had in the Middle Ages. Was there some lost technique? Is that one of Kay's powers? If anyone has insight on this one, be it scholarly or humorous, please let me know.

I really appreciate that the Alliterative Morte Arthure is giving Kay a solid 45 lines to go full batshit mad scientist on his feast preparations, featuring

Peacocks, plovers, pork, porcupine, herons, swans, beef, wild boar, barnacle goose, young hawks in bread, cranes, curlews, rabbits

By my rough count, approximately eight different kinds of wine

On-fire blue stews ("wavy with azure sauce all over, they appeared to be flaming")

More fire: "pheasants adorned in flaming silver"

Poison-proof gold cups: ("So that if any poison should go secretly under them [in the cup],/The bright gold would burst all to pieces with anger,/Or else the poison should lose its power because of the virtue of the precious stones")