The World I Saw Through Adolescent Eyes Isn’t As Brilliant Now That I Stand In It

“Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.”

— Lemony Snicket

not every dead man was noble and neither are the dying

has every fall from grace been exonerated

now that your date of demise has been established

long have we honored the fallen as kings

with little regard for their true archetype

have the moribund beings been pardoned of their wrongdoings

now that they face deaths eternal grasp

-sundayafternoonsedentary

i really wish i hadn’t charmed my therapist

maybe i wouldn’t be sitting in the position if i had

i wanted her approval just as much as anyone else’s

so i lied and cried at the right parts

reeling her in until-

snatch.

“this is not your fault”

but you see sarah,

it is.

all of it is.

but if i reveal my tactic of manipulation

my whole facade will come crumbling down

and you’ll begin to realize that i am not the victim of my own story

i’ve been pulling the right strings and moving the right pawns

but again, here i am

wishing i didn’t have to lie to you

because right now. i need you.

-sundayafternoonsedentary

how beautiful is it to be lonely

whenever the air you breathe has only been touched by your lungs

the emptiness in the echo behind your screams

thoughts to be sorted in the cavern of your cranium

how beautiful is it to be by yourself

Sometimes I write in my journal as if somebody a century from now is going to find it and suddenly become captivated by the old ways of life. After they finish reading it, perhaps they’ll start living life similarly to how I do. In the past. In another life.

I thought it was the fear of getting hurt

that held me back from falling in love;

now I understand

it was really the fear of hurting others

that was truly unbearable.

oh lover,

how I miss us

things were simple

the world wasn’t so big

we didn’t have to be anything to impress

it was just you, me, and a sky full of newly named stars

i was a daughter at some point in my mortal existence

now i am what’s left of a child

rugged-worn down being

who’s outgrown the wonder that used to course through her veins

he finally told me he was proud of me yesterday

after i had given all of myself

searching in other people what he didn’t give me

selling parts of my soul for short lived validation

but you’re proud of me dad?

all that is left of me is my heart in your hands

what i’ve become is great he says

but i look in the mirror

and i see a few strands of hair falling from a broken down body

morsels to appreciate

but finally, he is satisfied

-sundayafternoonsedentary

Everything is fair

Even if the rules

Were never clear

And we didn't mean

This to be played

Like a game

But this is murder

And it will never

Make sense

To anyone

Why you pushed

Me from the rooftop

While I was whispering

I love you

To the stars

Now I'm lying here-

On this cold ground

Feeling everything turns

Upside down

I close my eyes

Breathe my last

As the wind hums

A requiem

For my broken heart

-requiem for my broken heart, katie