“I Forgive You.”

Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are simply toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren't inherently bad people, but they aren't the right people for us.

Daniell Koepke

Dear Beatrice,

Have you ever been to IKEA?

I saw a movie once where this couple was pretending to live out their lives in a bunch of fake IKEA sets and in retrospect it was a little weird, probably, and super inconvenient for everyone around them, but that’s the point, right? That they were so in love with each other that they were selfish in a way that was okay.

I want to go to IKEA and not care about anyone else or anything else. I want to be dumb and cheesy. I want to inconvenience people in ways that doesn't lead to the world ending. I want to get a free pass for being young and stupid and in love. I want to be selfish like that with you.

Do you know where I’m going with this?

I don’t. Not really. Not right now. But you will, by the time you’re reading this. Because I’ll have told you that I want you to go to IKEA and dance in the rain or share a plate of spaghetti with someone under the moonlight or spin around on hilltops while singing about the sound of music or spread your arms out wide and shout something from the front of a ship. Or… honestly, hopefully I’ll have told you something way better than all that because I’m still working on how I’m going to tell you and I don’t think movie references are the way to go. But you know what I mean. Hopefully, I’ll have told you that I want you to do the things I couldn’t, that you couldn’t, that we couldn’t do together. Hopefully, I’ll have found a way to tell you that doesn’t sound stupid or make you cry or make it seem like I'm taking the easy way out. Hopefully, by now, you’ll know that I love you and in a movie, that would be enough to change the universe and give us a happy ending. But here, we are what we are, and it isn’t.

That’s okay. Or… okay, fine. It’s not. It’s bullshit! It sucks! I want to be selfish and I want to be with you and I want to do all this stuff together! But it is worth it. I’m not going to make it through this, but if you’re reading this letter, that means you do and that’s worth it. Though... not fair. I know it’s not fair. But I’m doing this so you can live your life.

Maybe that’s what I’ll say to you. Because that’s actually pretty good, isn’t it? And it’s the truth too. I’m doing this so you can live your life. It doesn’t have to be the movie stuff that I always put on my dumb to-do lists. But it has to be something. The only way I’ll be able to do this is if I know that you’ll go on and do something that will make you happy. That’s a pretty shitty burden to place on someone, I know. But you can handle it. You can handle anything. (I'm sorry, but that's the truth too.) And I think it’ll be less of a burden in the end, because I think you’ll find something beautiful out there.

So… go to IKEA. Get a tattoo. Help a baby turtle make its way back to the sea. Spend an entire day reading in bed and eating ice cream. Swim with whale sharks. See the northern lights. Go to a drive-in theater and see the end of that stupid movie that I don’t remember the name of.

Live your life, Beatrice, and I promise you’ll find something every day to keep living for. Because the universe owes you that much. And by now, it owes me that much too.

I love you. If you’re right about everything that happens afterwards, then I’ll still be loving you when you read this. I think maybe I’ll love you forever, even if you’re wrong.

ok listen, so i had an idea, and idk if it’s clear what’s happening in this shitty sketches, but im not going to spend two days animating this shit, so shitty sketches is all you gonna get, they’re basically just dancing and slapping Lex around ok?

+ the big finish:

Yoooo bruh do you have any fic recs?? I saw you recommend and when im feeling alone you remind me of home by mooosicaldreamz and it has been one of my fave since.

welp. brace urself.

you prolly know this but anything and everything by ms. @searidings and ms. @coffeeshib cos come on, man. what more could u want? but special mention to "i'll take the desert, you take the coast" (cos i think its very underrated but i love this fic so damn much, so. there.) and to "is it gravity (or are we falling in love?)" YES U WERE FALLIN IN LOVE, U GODDAMN IDIOTS. TF DOES GRAVITY GOT TO DO WITH IT? anon that will be u screaming that after u've read a couple chapters.

forever girl by @theevangelion (which i feel like you've already also read. but ya know u can read it again and we can ugly sob about it together. I MEAN ITS A FIC RIGHT? IT SHOULDNT BE THAT DEVASTATING. but oh it is. oh it really really really is.)

this one series by @rainaftersnowplease called "doctor lawyer beggar man thief" (it's a college au that i also think is so very underrated. but its so so so great and most of their other au's are also very lovely so check 'em out)

and since we're on the topic of college au's, here have another one: "Lena Luthor: hot girl bummer" by @/Rouser on ao3 (this one is an on-going fic. BUT MYGOD IT'S STILL SO GOOD. ITS AN ENEMIES WITH BENEFITS SITUATION. its a gift from god.)

oh and my favorite au thus far, "Accidentally Till It's Not" by @indathreneblue (IT'S SO WONDERFULLY WRITTEN, AND KARA IS SUCH A SIMP BUT WE LOVE HER FOR IT.)

im also gonna go ahead and insert "fire meet gasoline" by @stennnn06 (cos rojarias and look i know this isnt a supercorp fic BUT STILL. i urge u. GIVE. IT. A. SHOT.)

and if youre in the mood for the slowest slow burn of slow burns: "A Rich Girl With Issues...Lots of Issues" by @inkedroplets (theyre gonna kiss soon i can feel it.)

oh and another favorite of mine: "take flight" by @fixyfics (its just such a joy to read) and check out their other fic too: "she's cursed"

hey anon all of this are pretty much au so whats one more right?

"Until Time is Undone" by @lena-in-a-red-dress (i read all 15 chapters of this at like 3 am in the morning and it was so damn worth losing sleep over. im not big on fantasy or medieval au's but this. oh this was an exception.)

so uh yeah...there's prolly a shit ton of other fics that i forgot to add here but that's it for now. hope u were satisfied with that anon! happy reading!

My piece for the Supercorp Zine vol 4 @supercorpzine

this was an incredible experience, thank you to all the wonderful mods and this loving fandom for all your support❤️💙

40 Sapphic TV Shows You Have to Watch or You're NOT Gay*

We've already established I make the rules 😌

1. First Kill

2. The Haunting of Bly Manor

3. Harley Quinn animated series

4. Derry Girls

5. Yellowjackets

6. Skam Espana

7. Dickinson

8. Atypical

9. Killing Eve

10. Wheel of Time

11. The 100

12. Vigil, BBC

13. The Wilds

14. Orphan Black

15. Invasion

16. The Owl House

17. NCIS: Hawaii

18. Motherland fort Salem

19. The Outlaws

20. Everything sucks

21. Shera and the princesses of power

22. Legends of Tomorrow

23. Adventure Time Obsidian

24. True love or true lies season 2

25. Welcome to Eden

26. Fantasy Island

27. Orange is the new black

28. Skins

29. Runaways

30. Feria The Darkest Light

31. In my Skin

32. Station 19

33. Hightown

34. Run the Burbs

35. Kevin Can Fuck Himself

36. The Haunting of Hill House

37. Home Economics

38. Eldorado KaDeWe

39. The Sex Lives of College Girls

40. Astrid & Lilly Save the World

*This is a joke, you're the gayest person ever, I said so and I'm the ultimate authority on this matter. Case closed.

kara "excuse me sir thats mine" danvers

inspired by this post.

-

Kara goes to the future. She hugs them all, a factory line of tearful goodbyes, in the shadow of a Legion cruiser, and then disappears in a flash of blue.

Lena watches her go, and opens up a little box.

-

Five years pass, and life in the twenty-first century soldiers on as normally as is possible in a world without Kara.

Alex, Kelly and Esme fall into the routine of being a family, all school drop offs and trips to the park and learning to control adolescent superpowers.

J’onn takes on the bulk of superhero duties, with Nia and Brainy at his side, and together they keep National City and the world from falling to ruin. It’s harder without their favorite Kryptonian by their side, but they manage.

Lena flounders.

She moved to National City to be near Supergirl and to use her family’s company as a force for good. Now, with no Supergirl patrolling the skies and no business to run, Lena finds there’s very little outside of her friends that’s tethering her to stay.

She helps the remaining Superfriends when she can, throws herself into mastering her magic only to find that it leaves a bitter, unfulfilled taste in her mouth every time latin slips over her tongue.

Sam invites her to Metropolis for a few weeks, as a way to clear her head, to search for a purpose in this still new world that suddenly feels so empty.

It’s there that she reconnects with James.

He’d been friendly at the wedding, warm and understanding and interested in Lena, in what her life had become after he’d set out in search of his own.

It’s nice, having someone care again.

She kisses him on their third unofficial date and moves back to Metropolis on their six month anniversary.

Sam hires her on as head of R&D at the new company she works for, and Lena finds peace in making things again. It feels good to put her scientific mind to work, to use her hands to build things that will help everyday people without the aid of superpowers or spells.

She tucks her mother’s grimoire away in the top of the walk-in closet she shares with James, underneath a National City University sweatshirt, and beside a moving box labeled ‘Kara’.

Lena gets on with her life.

-

Kara comes back on a Thursday.

She’s cut her hair short and traded her Supergirl blue and red for a sleek, dark navy suit with her house crest emblazoned on the chest in white. She wears a Legionaries ring, and when she walks down the gangplank of the ship Alex is waiting for her.

Mon-el doesn’t come with her and the Legion cruiser disappears back into the sky.

Kara comes back to National City and Lena isn’t there.

“I spoke to her at Christmas,” Kelly says over their reunion dinner, after Kara finally gets up the courage to ask in her most practiced, casual tone. “She sounded happy.”

Kara’s brow crinkles.

“It’s March.”

Kelly just hums and passes her the potato salad.

“We’ve all been pretty busy. Things have changed since you’ve been gone.”

“Yeah,” Kara says quietly, pushing a chunk of potato across her plate, avoiding Alex’s eyes that are locked on her. “They sure have.”

-

Kara flies to Metropolis.

The city of the future is bright and clean, and looks more like the world she’s just come from than anything in National City. It’s equal parts comforting and sad.

Lena is on her lunch break, waiting in line at her favorite Vietnamese food truck, when she sees a streak of dark blue across the sky. The color palette is different, but the shape of it halts her breath in her chest.

She leaves without ordering, sprinting despite her four inch heels in the direction she saw her go. She doesn’t plan to, doesn’t even think about it, before her feet are moving quickly down the sidewalk, shoulder bumping into pedestrians along the way.

They meet up in the park, across from the pond where a family of ducks is diving and splashing about in the sunshine.

Lena halts in her tracks when Kara lands gracefully a few feet away, dropping delicately to the earth on a single toe, nothing like the rough three point landing she had expected.

She’s all sharp eyes and strong shoulders, short blonde hair shaggy around her face from flight. It knocks the wind out of Lena, who stumbles on her heel.

Before she can catch herself, strong arms are wrapped around her waist, warm and familiar and enough to break her heart. She squeezes her eyes shut and leans her forehead against Kara’s shoulder, drawing in a shuddering breath.

“Are you okay?” Kara whispers after a moment.

Lena’s hands come up to rest against the crest on her chest, fingers digging in to the synthetic material.

She doesn’t have an answer.

-

They find a bench to sit on.

Kara presses a button somewhere and her suit melts away into a simple black t-shirt and pants, standard Legion fatigues. She looks sleek and strong and so good it makes Lena’s breath hitch loud enough for Kara to hear.

They both ignore it.

It’s awkward. Kara can’t share much about the future and Lena doesn’t know what to say about the present, so for a long time they just sit in the shade of an oak tree and look at each other.

Lena’s phone rings.

“It’s James.”

She slides to answer it slowly, eyes never leaving Kara’s form across from her like she’s afraid if she blinks she might disappear.

“Hey. Yes, I did. It’s her, I’m with her now. I know, me too. Okay. Yes, I’ll see you for dinner. Oh...okay, yeah. No, I will. Love you too.”

When she hangs up the call Kara is staring at her with an unreadable expression.

“James said to tell you hi,” Lena says, going for friendly but it comes out mournful. “And to invite you to our place for dinner.”

“Our place...” Kara repeats absently, but she already has her answer in the look on Lena’s face and the platinum band catching the sunlight on Lena’s left hand.

“We’ve been married for two years.”

-

‘Our place’ turns out to be a brownstone close to the Daily Planet where James has been working again for the last four years.

“I thought he couldn’t...”

Lena quirks an eyebrow, the barest hint of a smirk curling at her lip.

“Would you believe Andrea had a change of heart?”

Because of course Lena could talk Andrea down from a stubborn, bitter edge. There isn’t anything she wouldn’t make happen for the people she loves.

Inside James and Lena’s place is tidy and modern, with unblemished leather furniture and James’s photography on the walls.

Kara walks through the last five years, caught and captured in still frames. She spots Alex and Kelly, Lois and Clark, Brainy and Nia.

There’s Lena and Sam squeezing Ruby between them at her high school graduation. There’s James with Esme sitting high on his shoulders, red cape fluttering behind her shoulders.

Kara gets stuck at their wedding portrait, posed and perfect with James in a sharp tux and Lena all in white and lace. They look happy.

“I’m sorry that I missed it,” she says quietly, and Lena stills across the room. Something flares hot and wild in her chest and she wants to snap you missed a lot of things.

She takes a deep breath and smiles.

“Me too.”

-

James laughs when he sees her, ruffles her hair, pulls her into a tight hug. He’s the same as he’s always been, and it’s comforting in a world that feels so changed.

He and Lena make dinner while Kara watches them from the bar with a drink in her hand, the remnants of a bottle of Clark’s alien rum for which she finds herself grateful.

Lena chops vegetables while James hovers at the stove, and Kara watches them orbit each other in practiced synchronicity.

“Can you pass me the—“

“It’s over there.”

“Oh, I got it. Thanks.”

Kara finishes her drink.

-

Halfway through dinner, where James leads the conversation and things start to feel a little more natural, Lena’s phone rings.

She excuses herself quickly and slips into what Kara assumes is her office.

Kara tells herself she doesn’t mean to listen.

Kara tells herself a lot of things.

“So, you’ve heard,” there’s a shuffle as Lena drops heavily into her desk chair. “I’m fine. Yes, really. — Sam, please,” a heavy sigh and then a quiet “she looks good.” Another pause and then a tense “don’t be ridiculous” to which Sam says something Kara can’t hear and Lena breathes out slowly.

“Of course I do.”

Kara stops listening after that.

-

After dinner Kara says she needs to get back to National City. James and Lena walk her down the steps to the sidewalk, where James pulls her into another hug.

“You staying?”

As they break apart Kara looks at Lena, whose face is stoic, cheeks tinged pink in the cool night air.

“Yeah. I’m staying.”

When they hug goodbye, Kara's fingertips ghost the small of Lena’s back, and Lena’s temple presses against Kara’s cheek.

“See you soon,” Kara says quietly, and then she’s off like a shooting star. They watch her go quietly and then turn to each other, James holding out his hand.

Lena takes it.

-

Supergirl Returns! is splashed across the front of the Daily Planet in the morning, with a picture of Kara soaring in a majestic stretch of dark blue. Lena memorizes the article and then throws the paper away, burying it deep in the waste paper basket.

-

Chaos follows Kara like a shadow in the following weeks, every villain on the planet eager to take a bite out of the legendary girl of steel. She falls back into the familiar habit of punching, and flying and freezing things in their wake.

When a rowdy alien lobs an uppercut beneath her chin hard enough to sting, she takes it.

She decks him hard enough to feel bone crumble beneath her fist and drags him into a holding cell. When the containment force field sparks to life between them Kara feels like she’s the one in a cage.

-

“I’m not sure if I belong here anymore,” she says to Alex one afternoon as they walk along the pier, ice cream cones melting in their hands. Her sister takes a long lick of chocolate and then looks at her with careful eyes.

“That’s what Lena said, when she moved back to Metropolis.”

Triple scoops of mint chocolate ice cream, the same color as Lena’s eyes, melts over Kara’s knuckles, and she throws the cone into a nearby trash can.

-

Lena can’t focus. She’s been struggling to finish this project since before Kara came back, and each day it feels like the solution slips further and further away.

“You should take a vacation,” Sam says over take out salads and tumblers of scotch. “Clear your head.”

Lena pins her with a knowing stare.

“Oh, yeah? And where do you suggest I go?”

“I’m just saying.”

“Well don’t.”

Sam lets it slide, but when Lena gets home that night and James suggests they go to National City for Esme’s middle school graduation, Lena knows she’s been meddling.

It makes Lena feel feral, like a wild animal being led into a trap.

-

Esme has grown tall in the early stages of puberty, already surpassing Kelly who wraps her arms around her daughter with pride.

“Where does the time go?” she asks with a smile and a shake of her head. Kara presses in next to them for the group photo, Alex on one side of her, James on the other.

She’s been wondering that herself.

-

Al’s is the same as it was when they all left it, dark and loud and packed with people. Esme is off to a friend's graduation party, and Alex convinces them all to let loose for the night.

“We raised a whole almost pre-teen,” she says lifting her glass of whiskey over the table. It’s joined by the other’s drinks in a clink of celebration. “We deserve a night of fun.”

They do have fun.

Nia drags them all onto the dance floor, and James goads them into more rounds of shots than is probably responsible, and for the first time since Kara came back, everything feels close to familiar.

Lena laughs at Brainy’s jokes, and drinks the old fashioned Alex presses into her palm, but her eyes stay glued to Kara who sits across the table, watching her back.

After the fourth round, when James and Kelly are kicking Alex and Nia’s butts in pool while Brainy offers helpful calculations of angle and force, Lena slips out the back door into the alley.

The cold night air feels good on her cheeks, helping to cool some of the flush brought on by alcohol and the crowd of warm bodies.

A moment later the door opens, and she doesn’t have to turn around to know who’s standing behind her.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

They lean against the brick wall, half in shadow with only the flickering neon of the streetlight at the mouth of the alley to see by.

Kara picks at invisible threads on her jeans. Lena twists her fingers in her lap. They both study their shoes.

“I missed you,” Kara says quietly after what feels like too long, and Lena sighs heavily, a puff of mist in the night air.

“You left,” she says shortly, the thrum of alcohol in her veins just enough to loosen her tongue and the lid on her largest, most important box.

The ‘me’ at the end of the sentence goes unsaid.

“I’m sorry,” Kara breathes and it’s enough to get Lena to push off the wall, stepping in front of her with a stern brow and trembling fingers.

She wants to reach out, to pull Kara closer, to push her away, to pound her fists against the spot where her crest usually rests. Her fingers curl into fists and she shoves them into her coat pockets.

“What do you want, Kara? Why did you come back?”

Kara shakes her head, righting herself from where she was leaning against the wall, and it brings her closer to Lena, close enough to reach out and touch.

It might as well be the gulf of space and time between them.

“I realized I made the wrong choice.”

“When?”

“About thirty seconds after the ship left.”

Lena laughs, and it’s a cold hollow sound. She crosses her arms over her chest, turns to look down the alley, into the darkness, away from the piercing blue of Kara’s eyes.

“That was five years ago.”

“I know,” she doesn’t offer any further explanation, and Lena doesn’t ask for one. Her jaw tenses, a pale flash of muscle in the low light.

“It’s too late,” Lena says quietly, fingers curled against her bicep to hold herself together. She looks back to Kara, and can see the outline of a tear on one cheek.

“I know,” she says again.

Lena stares at her for a long moment, the tension tightening between them until it threatens to snap into something like disaster.

She turns on her heel and goes back into the bar. A moment later there’s a streak of dark blue across the night sky.

-

Six months go by.

Kara starts working as a freelance reporter and it gives her something to focus on that isn’t lost opportunities and alien bad guys.

She finds her stride in writing again, and gets a few pieces published that make waves. When Andrea offers her a position at CatCo she politely declines, finding she enjoys the freedom and challenge that comes with working on her own terms.

She rents a house at the edge of the city, with a little yard where Kelly helps her plant a garden, and a spare bedroom for any guests that may come to stay.

It sits empty for a long time before she decides to turn it into an art studio. She covers the walls in red paint, dousing everything in crimson and carmine until it feels like home.

-

Lena goes to work each morning and home each night. She and James make dinner on nights when they’re both home, and the routine of their life continues as it has for the last five years.

One night when Lena has a little bit too much to drink James finds her on the floor of the walk-in closet, digging through an old box. He looks at her for a long time before crouching down to take her in his arms.

“I deserve to be someone’s first choice,” he says against her hair, and she trembles slightly, an old photograph wrinkling between her fists.

“Me too.”

-

Sam helps her pack her things. Five years of a life packed away in neat boxes, ready to be shipped across the country, back to National City.

“You could stay,” Sam offers her an out, as they drive to the airport, James’s outline fading in the rear view mirror. Lena watches him grow smaller and smaller until he disappears.

“No, I can’t.”

-

Kara’s guest room is all covered in red, and smells like paint thinner. One wall is decorated with canvases of all sizes, mostly abstractions of space with a few familiar constellations that Lena recognizes easily.

“Sorry, it’s kind of a mess,” Kara says, pressing a palm to the back of her neck. Lena drops her bag just inside the door, and turns around to face her.

“It’s perfect,” she says, and a moment later Kara’s arms are around her, holding her close with no intention of letting go.

-

It takes two weeks for Kara to kiss her, and another two before Lena moves from the guest room into the master bedroom permanently.

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” Kara says one night as Lena stretches out half on top of her, their bodies slick with sweat, limbs tangled against the sheets. Lena lifts her head just enough to look up into her face, one hand trailing up her cheek to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye.

“You’re here now. Promise you’ll stay?” she leans up to mumble against Kara’s lips, before kissing her, slow and deep. Kara’s arms tighten around her like she’s trying to pull them into one form.

“I’m not going anywhere.”