Ghostmaker 👻 By Qiaokeying (x).

I'm not funny at all and im ugly

i’m funnier in real life but also uglier

Jim Gordon: do you realize how fast you were driving?! I can only look the other way so much!

Batman: Brazilian free-tailed bats can fly at speeds up to 99mph

Jim: just…just try not to do it again

Batman: the rocket on the batmobile is supposed to mimic the tail of a Brazilian free-tailed bat

jason sends bruce very vague and very inside threats constantly.

like, when he was robin bruce accidentally stepped on a snail and the squish was so loud. jason got down on both knees and started sobbing about sylvia the snail dying. he wasn’t that upset but he was bored and thought it would be funny.

so sometimes he puts a posted note on the door of wayne manor that says, your going to end up like sylvia.

bruce gets happy every time he does it because it means jason remembers the good times they used to have. everyone else wonders who the fuck sylvia is and if jason killed her. bruce never tells them what the threats mean because he likes having things between him and jason.

OKAY SO I FOUND OUT BRUCE DOES THIS SHIT ⬇️ THANKS TO THIS POST

And you cannot convince me he doesn't use it to protect his birds when they're in danger. Something's been tossed at one of his kids? He tackles them and cocoons them up with him for safety without hesitation. You could almost call it a panic response, if you could get him to admit that he panics.

Their reactions:

Dick: "I've been doing this nearly as long as you have, remember? I could have dodged that, but I appreciate it." Or "If you wanted a hug, dad, you just had to ask."

Cass: if she's in a good mood she's okay with it. A bad mood and he gets glared at and pinched because she can handle this dad, come on.

Jason: always starts cursing and wiggling around trying to get free before begrudgingly settling down and just accepting it. Never minds it as much as he says he does. Bruce would hug you more often if you weren't allergic to admitting you want him to you silly boy (he gets cocooned a lot so Bruce can hug him anyway).

"Are you alright, son?"

"god DAMN it old man!! Let me go!!!"

"I can't yet until I know you won't be in immediate danger."

"ARRRGHHH"

"Jaylad, I'm just trying to keep you safe."

"I don't need you to--!"

"I don't know what I'd do if I lost you again."

"..........." Sigh. Cue a little more wiggling and an intentional elbow to B's ribs as Jay gets comfortable. His siblings are gonna tease him mercilessly later, he just knows it.

Steph: spends the time roasting him into oblivion and annoying him in the hopes he'll stop doing it; has yet to learn that he does, in fact, value her safety and well-being over his pride. Shocking, I know.

Tim: grew up pretty touch starved so while he finds it annoying, he also doesn't complain beyond a bit of half hearted grumbling because by god he needs the hugs.

"was this really necessary?"

"yes"

"🙄"

"How did you--"

Duke: What is this??? What is happening??? Why's it dark??? Straight up blinds Bruce in surprise every time which just leads to him being cocooned longer because now Bruce has to recover before he can tell if it's safe.

"Son, your powers are incredible and we're very proud of you but please don't use them on me"

"Sorry B, my bad."

"I'll admit that's a useful startle response though."

"Right?? Some asshole at school tried to sneak up behind me as a joke and had to go to the nurse and I didn't even touch him."

"Hn."

"Uh, I mean, I don't use my powers at school at all. Ever."

Damian: gets cocoon tackled the most because baby. That's his baby, people are throwing things AT HIS BABY--! Fucking HATES it. Will straight up start gnawing on Bruce's arm if cocooned too long.

"FATHER RELEASE ME AT ONCE"

"Not until it's safe"

"I WAS TRAINED BY--"

"I don't care."

A sulking puppy for a little while that will never admit to enjoying the affection, but still, only for so long. There is a quota and once it's reached, It's like Bruce has trapped himself with a rabid raccoon.

Why are his children like this.

damian, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

helana, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids

jason: what the fuck are you guys doing?

baby bat helana: playing systemic oppression

Hi, Lee! Your AUs have given me many brainworms so I thought I'll share my brainworms in retaliation XD

No capes actor AU

Bruce inherited his love for theater and acting from Alfred. He's usually shy, awkward and a nervous wreck (think Battinson) but once he's behind a camera, he plays his role flawlessly. He can be the confident and gentle prince charming, the suave and flirtatious rogue or the cruel and sadistic monster. It doesn't matter, as long as the camera is rolling, Bruce Wayne is in character.

An important thing to note is that Bruce Wayne is unbelievably attractive. So, you have an attractive actor playing all these hot characters, what do you do? Create thirst traps obviously!

The kids suffer for it. Bruce keeps winning 'The Hottest Man Alive' and they can't even read reviews of movies their dad is acting in because all the comments are about how sexy he is. They're scrolling through twitter and suddenly someone tweets about the veins on Bruce Wayne's arms.

STOP! Their dad is lovable, innocent and sweet. Stop corrupting him with your lust!

Bruce stopped accepting romance roles because his kids begged him to (in an attempt to stop the thirst) but it got worst! They tell him to mention them in every one of his rare interviews (he's very shy so he doesn't do much interviews) to signal that he's a dad and very unavailable and the internet loves a DILF so you can guess what happened. They can't win. No matter what they do, people keep thirsting over their dad.

The kids are suffering and Bruce? Mr 'please don't perceive me' Wayne? He straight up blocked every mention of himself on the internet so he sees none of it. He told the kids to do the same but they wanted to read about how much people love their dad (they're very proud of him) so they endure the daily psychic damage and simply suffer.

I???? THIS IS A MASTERPIECE NEVER A MISTAKE. PERIOD EXCLAMATION MARK YAS MAMA SLAY THE WHITE HOUSE DOWN

-

If I may add

BECAUSE he's a highly requested actor who's almost always in the headlines, Bruce can't see his babies as much as he wants to, so all those mother henning instincts can't be bottled up.

Bruce earns himself the reputation of being the Mom Friend to his co-stars.

There's a viral video somewhere of him doing Harley's make up for her because she claims only he can do it right, and a video of him feeding Selina yoghurt, and tying Harvey's shoelaces between takes if they film a project together

Personally, a huge fan of the " actors who play assholes but are in fact the biggest sweethearts " breed, so I'm gonna need the villains being cute as fuck behind the scenes.

If they're doing an intense fight scene, Bane apologizes to Bruce continuesly because the guy insists on doing his own stunts. Bruce always giggles between being patched up and pats his arm

Damian refuses to be left at home, and there's absolutely a viral video of tiny damian wayne jumping to kick and punch at Clark's leg (who plays Gray Ghost's rival in the movie) when he " attacks" Bruce and it made everyone's day

Selina accidentally injures Bruce the MOST and there's compilations of her accidentally kicking him straight in the jaw, or punching him, or dropping stuff on him, and looking impossibly guilty about it. " I'm sorry - I'm so sorry baby" and Bruce of course always is like " It's okay :D"

Bruce's trailer is everyone's hang out spot. He does instagram lives where he talks about theory and lore and technicalities, and there's just someone or someones always there!!

Diana practising sword fighting, Harley doing tik tok dances, Pam watering the flowers he gets everywhere they go in full Mother Nightmare get up, and they're just there to see him blush and mumble at the thirsty comments

Also the batkids are jealous of every single on screen child Bruce films with, because he's so affectionate and loving with them. Jason's twitter is just him dunking on every single child co-star and he's not at all sorry about it

in love with him and his vibe

Yall cannot convince me that Bruce active on batman conspiracy boards and general shitster Wayne and Bernard my boyfriend is part of the mafia and robin is actually a drone created by the government Dowd wouldnt become best friends the second they are introduced to each other

This better happen or I will sue

Sincerely, obsessedwithmultiplefandoms

Dear DC,

Since you keep giving Bruce failed romantic relationships may I make a suggestion? Yes, either make him a single dad or let him try dating a man because woman obviously isn’t working for him

Sincerely, frostbittenbucky 💕