Ok. Now It’s Time For April Cools Day

gaming

Ditzi LOVES Disabilities! 🥰

support fat girls with weird curves

support fat girls with no butt

support fat girls with small boobs

dont just support the hour glass/big booty “acceptable” fat girl

Let's be carried away by Mama

Ittt meee.

Looking back on my entire life with a Post-Egg Break perspective, there are so many things that never made sense to me before, that now fit perfectly into place. These are all legitimate things that I believed growing up that I now recognize as me being trans. This is not a comprehensive list of dysphoria symptoms, nor am I pretending to be the definitive trans experience. With that being said though, if you're a man, or even a boy who recognizes some of these in himself... I'm not saying you're definitively trans, not at all. But you should genuinely start asking yourself questions about why you feel this way, even if the answer has nothing to do with gender. It never hurts to ask, but it always hurts to forget.

From a very young age, I thought that the bodies of men were disgusting; not just traditionally unattractive men, I mean ALL men were repulsive to me. In comparison to women's bodies, men were... rough, angular, covered in hair and muscle. I couldn't articulate what made them so gross to me, so I never did, especially not to the men in my life.

On the other hand, I believed women's bodies to be perfect, in literally every way. Wider hips, smoother skin, curvier frames... I was jealous of every feature that I thought was unattainable for me. I had wondered for the longest time why men even existed, as why would anyone want to be a man when women were right there.

Related to the last two points, but I never could imagine myself growing old as a man without wanting to slit my own throat. The thought of reaching my 40's, 50's, or hell, going past that into genuine old age repulsed me. I never wanted my body to change like that, to be like the hairy old men I always saw on TV and in movies. I always figured I'd die sometime around my mid-30's because the alternative was too terrifying to consider.

I always thought (and still do tbh) that men's fashion is just... boring as hell? Women get all sorts of dresses, blouses, skirts, jewellery... whatever their heart desires, including men's clothes if they really felt like it. But the men's section in every store I visited was always the same 4 or 5 brands of jeans, cargo pants, T-shirts, and polos, ad nauseum. Formal-wear was limited to button-downs and suits. I wanted no part in it, and not just because wearing tighter shirts made me uncomfortable for reasons I couldn't explain.

I knew from when I was a little kid (4 or 5) that I never wanted to grow any kind of facial hair, even though my uncle, who was the primary man in my life at that point, had a very strong close-cropped beard. I was terrified that I'd have to start shaving one day, and when I did... it wasn't an exciting moment like people always said it would be. It was more dread setting in; I was going to have to do this for the rest of my life, having never asked for it to begin with.

I honestly dreaded each new symptom of puberty I discovered as I grew older. I hated the thought of a deeper voice, body hair, a muskier scent. Like facial hair, everyone told me I should be excited for all these changes, but each one only hurt me a little more when I realized they were happening, pangs of loss echoing inside me somewhere I didn't recognize.

As I grew older and more into my developing sexuality... I started to "fetishize" Lesbians and Lesbian culture. Tying into my thoughts about women, I knew that if I'd been born a woman, I would've been a Lesbian, no question. I liked women, I wanted to be a woman... that was the next logical step, right? There was something there I identified with; something that just felt different from how "other" men talked about liking women. I thought I was just being a disgusting man who got off to the thought of women being together, and was shamed into not telling anyone because of it.

As I moved into more trans-inclusive spaces as I became an adult, I started to read posts from trans women and every time they talked about something like HRT, it felt... weird to me? Like I distinctly felt some sort of connection there but it scared me and I pushed it down as a result because facing it was too terrifying of an alternative. I distinctly remember this one post about how a trans girl couldn't jerk off without visual aids anymore and it struck a chord in me that I couldn't understand. It stuck with me, and I thought very distinctly to myself that I should be grateful that would never be me (AND NOW IT IS ASHDKSJHNJKN FMLLLLL)

I began to develop a distance from my name as I grew into my teens; what had once seemed to be the central part of my identity was rapidly becoming an outlier to how I felt about myself and my identity. I obviously won't share what it is for my own sake, but it's a relatively common Irish first name and is very masc-oriented; yet ironically I feel it was a boy's name, not a name I could see a man taking seriously. Maybe that's why I started to grow out of it even before I realized why; it was the name of a boy, not a "man."

When I finally met my current friend group, and for once had a circle that didn't know me through anything but the internet, I rapidly adopted a pseudonym based on my old gamertag; then decided to take a real name they could call me. I was starting to make a list, but the first one I ran by them was Alex, and they all loved it. It was the first time anyone had ever called me by anything but my birth name, and it was like a breath of fresh air as I was drowning. I was for the first time someone else, not defined by expectation or history; I was simply Alex.

I have more. Dozens, hundreds, thousands more. But this list has to stop somewhere and I decided to give only the massive ones for now. I hope this can help provide some understanding out there, whether it's about yourself or simply about me. That's all we can ask for, no?

♥️🪿

Mountain lion kitten attacking mom, Bandelier National Monument, New Mexico. NPS photo.

therapist: cunt dracula is not real and cannot fuck you.

cunt dracula: