With Gritted Teeth And Eyes Burning I Will Win.

Opening up to someone and being vulnerable seems great on paper but looking into their eyes and opening that door to that dark room in your mind. It feels like labor pains.

Leveling up while still in school.

~healing your inner child~

hey loves! i want to share some tips on healing your inner child, or just bringing it out! i think that when we incorporate childhood habits it brings joy into our lives and offers some balance :)

mental health-

it might feel weird doing things from your childhood, but don’t worry about judgement (you don’t need to tell people if u don’t want)

address underlying mental health conditions (if you had childhood trauma this is super important)

write a letter to a child version of yourself

anytime you have negative thoughts think about your child self- would you want to say those things to them?

trying old hobbies-

remember old hobbies you enjoyed as a kid and do them! 

don’t worry about the quality of it (ex. like the quality of your art or something) just enjoy the process!

comfort-

watch old movies/tv shows u like (i always watch the star wars movies, even the bad ones, just cuz they make me feel happy

have objects like blankets and stuffed animals

at the end of the day, do what brings you joy. it might feel weird to watch old movies you liked, or have childish hobbies, but at the end of the day, channeling your inner child can spark joy, and benefit your mental health!

Watching the hunger games and seeing Hughi kill Rue.🥲

No cause #Saltburn😅😅😅😂

Literally screamed when that first frame came on my scream. He is so hot and I love when he makes crazy eyes at people when he is about to do something completely insane.

This is cinematic art. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

THE BOYS 04x04

That was a story straight from Wattpad and you cannot tell me otherwise.

A Guide to Mastery: Finding Your Life's Work

Mastery is what we hope to attain. We hope to get a point where we become master of our fields, experts of our work, and mentors to younger people. But the big question we ask ourselves is "what should I do?" "what can I do?" "what is my purpose in life?" and that is a very big question that we might spend our entire lives trying to figure out.

It is difficult now, especially when we hear people talk about their careers, we see updates on people's career changes on LinkedIn and everyone is vying for a job in big tech, big law, consulting, Wall Street and you feel left out, not good enough, in fact discouraged.

However, you can find fulfillment by taking this self-discovery one step at a time, at a pace that best suits your skills, and still rise to the top.

Here is how to find your Life's work:

Look back to your childhood

Often to figure out what you want to do or who you want to become you have to look back to your past, your childhood. What made you tick? What classes were most fun for you? Who did you enjoy watching or spending time with growing up? The answers can give you a peek into the kind of life you want. Growing up I enjoyed reading biographies of people. I was obsessed with how they became successful and how they set themselves apart - now my writing mirrors that.

2. Find your niche

The uncertainty or discomfort you feel could be caused by not fitting into one field. You feel like you can do a lot more than there is out there. This is a great feeling. if you feel this way do not be discouraged. It is your life's journey to figure out the intersection of your interest. It is a sign that you should try out multiple things. Your career may become an amalgamation of your interest, ideas, disciplines, and fields. Here are some intersections that I found in people I admire:

Design + Technology - Steve Jobs- Apple Co-founder, Brian Chesky - Airbnb Co-founder

Food + Technology - Apoorva Mehta; co-founder Instacart

Culture + Commerce - Most architects, designers fit this category

Science + Art - Trip Hawkins; founder of Electronic Arts

Community + technology - Whitney Wolfe Herd; Founder of Bumble

Food + business: Kaspar Basse; founder of Joe & The Juice

Sportsmanship + design - Phil Knight; co-founder of Nike

Environmentalism + Sportsmanship - Yvon Chouinard; founder of Patagonia

These people are at the top of their fields. You can start by having a double major, or minoring in a totally different field (Art + Finance, Biology + Sports management etc)

3. Resist the pressure of the majority

There is always a group of people on the other side of your interest and skills - parents, friends, professors, peers who want something different from what you aspire to. You love art but they remind you that the pay is meagre, you want be a lawyer but they tell you, you are not good enough for law. You see, the salary you get paid for doing something you love should not stop you from getting started. You will eventually become so good that the value you provide will eventually command a huge compensation but for now bend down and learn.

4. Find a mentor

Once you get a glimpse of what you feel like you want to do. Find a mentor, your mentor could be distant or imminent. A distant mentor could be a renowned expert, a person you stumble upon through a book, an interview etc. Their story inspires you and you somehow you feel seen, you goals aren't so impossible anymore. The imminent mentors are the people you meet through school, work and whose work has some skills you need to learn for your Life's work. Your relationship with them or experience with them is the closest to reality of your Life's Work. Learn as much as you can in this process.

Welcome to my A Guide to Mastery series inspired by the book Mastery.

I'm litty, I'm pretty, I'm running this city

The Nara Smiths of this World

I'd like to begin with saying in no way, shape, or form, will I be bashing the beautiful Black woman, wife and mother, Nara Smith. I actually aspire to be like her.

I also prefer content and media (both digital and physical) that cater to the life I have been creating for myself:

Led by God

With a God-fearing man (soon to be my fiancé - then husband, God-willing),

As a wife and mother,

While having the time and ease to do things that bring me peace and happiness like basking in the sun, working out, creating dinner experiences, rolling in academia - simultaneously having a career with a lower tempo, hints my transition from one career field to another (another post for another day).

I love watching her content, especially all of the dishes she makes from scratch.

But what upsets me, are the Black women that make a mockery of her lifestyle and make the excuse like "who wants to be a traditional wife" or "ain't nobody got time for all of that" and people saying that her lifestyle is unrealistic.

Lets be real.

A lot of women who bash Nara Smith are jealous.

Nara Smith is a young woman who is also a model, married, with two children and a third on the way.

Besides being a model, what about my previous statement is unrealistic or unattainable?

"Well who makes everything from scratch like that?!"

Everyone outside of the United States of America, darling.

I implore all the women who read my blog to please travel outside of the United States. Everyone makes everything from scratch and not only is it healthier, it taste amazing.

My first experience in Europe was the Summer of 2017, as an intern at the University of Science and Technology in Bydgoszcz, Poland.

While interning, I also traveled to Germany and Amsterdam.

During my tenure in Europe, I walked everywhere, used public transportation (it was clean, on time and efficient if I may add), went to people's homes where they made their authentic dishes and simple ones from scratch - while simultaneously losing 15lbs, and not on purpose.

Making your desired entrees from scratch versus using products that are processed and already made with preservatives are better for your health. Not only do you taste the difference but you will feel the difference.

Back to the point of women being jealous of Nara Smith's more traditional lifestyle and leisure:

The unfortunate truth of this - speaking as a Black woman with real Black Women experiences - so many Black women are truly perturbed by Nara's choice to take the time to cater to her children, household and husband as she does.

I think most of this disturbance comes from the fact that as Black women, we're told from early youth to work so hard and earn so many accolades where we do not need a man/husband and to not submit to the idea of motherhood and marriage until you receive every possible degree, award and accomplishment - which turns into us working just as hard as men to achieve a certain status, settling down in our mid 30s, yikes!

I have recently transitioned from one career field to another due to my desire to not only become a wife, but a mother.

But not an overworked wife who does not have time to cater to herself, household and husband, but a mother who has the time to be as hands-on as possible, make dinner, be a part of the Parent Teacher Association (PTA), etc.

This was my reality as a child. My parents were married; My father had a career that pulled him away sometimes but he was the providing a comfortable life for my mother, sister and I. My mother chose to have an at-home daycare so she can make my sister and I breakfast in the morning, be home to receive us after school, help us with our lessons, and put us to sleep. She was intentional with her career choice so she could cater to herself, take care of her home and her family.

And there is nothing wrong with a woman choosing to still work to have some independence, but choosing a career that is not as demanding that she sacrifices her family for it.

I brought all of this up due to conversations I had with women in my previous line of work who tried to convince me that I could "have it all" as they like to say: meaning that I could have the demanding career and title, be married, and have children.

Anyone who knows me personally, knows that I am extremely observant. During the last four years in my career field, I paid attention and listened quite carefully to the women who had children in both orthodox and unorthodox manners. The women who were married, with a child or children said all of the following:

"There was a time I spent a year away from my child, leaving them at three months of age."

"I was on my feet working just to go home and still be working."

"I got divorced because he couldn't understand that I wanted a certain level of success and being at home would not push me towards that goal."

"I don't even have time for myself."

"I have missed so many important moments."

Mind you, there's more. And I'm not saying that you cannot be married, with children and have a demanding career. I just believe it is irresponsible for older career woman to perpetuate the narrative that you can have 100% of everything all at the same time - when it's not true. Something or someone is going to be neglected.

So when I chose to transition out of my previous occupation, all of these women kept trying to persuade me to stay, but then I looked at their lives, it was not what I wanted:

Woman 1: Divorced with a boyfriend, three children (two different fathers) - spent months at a time away from her children, struggles with being feminine; Top of the food chain at work.

Woman 2: Married closer to 40, one child, lives a flight away from her husband to keep her demanding career, spends weeks away from her son.

Woman 3: Divorced, two children, sleeping around (with people we know) and the joke of our department, falls in love fast, one son has joined a gang, ex-husband is in-and-out of jail; Has worked for our organization for 15 years.

Woman 4: Left her newborn after two months to take a position in another country for a year, marriage suffered tremendously, also another "big dog" for the organization.

Now, as a woman who wants the lifestyle I already described in the paragraphs at the beginning of my piece, are these stories that I would want to emulate?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I won't go as far as saying that this is every woman's reality who has a demanding career, but even the women who stay married and have children have also told me that their marriage suffered tremendously and there is a closeness they lack with their children.

And again, that statement is not for the totality of working woman, but it's a shared experience of most.

When I told multiple women that I am ready to be a wife and a mother I was told I would regret it.

I don't and I won't.

I've had a job since I was 16; I have dated, traveled, lived in the city and suburbs on my own, and my truest desire is to live a life of leisure and peace, with my future husband and children.

So, for the girlies who are ready to settle down, leave the busy careers behind, do it!

Side bar - I just turned 26, I want to have my first child before 30 (and after I am married of course).

And do not, I repeat, DO NOT allow people's opinions, especially your Black female peers (it is what it is), to dissuade you from the lifestyle you truly desire, because they are the same women who complain about how miserable they are because of their choices, and misery loves company.

Choose your family, choose love, choose yourself.

With Love,

Sarah Chanel