Joan Didion, The Art Of Fiction No. 71

love as a religion

jacob from the bible, jake wesley rogers / red, white, & royal blue by casey mcquiston / religion (u can lay your hands on me), shura / soul like thunder by sophia elaine hanson / psyche revived by cupid’s kiss, antonio canova / don’t blame me, taylor swift / lovin’ is bible, the aces / from eden, hozier / coming down, halsey / heaven is a place on earth, belinda carlisle / colors, halsey / bedroom hymns, florence + the machine / 02x04 fleabag / sanctuary, aly & aj / genesis, dua lipa / like a prayer, madonna / young god, halsey / pussy is god, king princess / church, fall out boy / the raven king by maggie stiefvater

“My realities may be different from what most people call reality, but still they are realities.”

— Etty Hillesum (1914-1943), in a letter to Osias Kormann, from a Westerbork concentration camp, 1943, in “An Interrupted Life: Diaries and Letters 1941-43. And Letters from Westerbork″

Evil comes to light

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A doubt arousal

I will tell you it's not me

I am a product of virtues and vacancies

The next decision I take

Isn't mine at all

It is manipulated and churned

Ask me a technical term

I will define gaslighting

While defining gaslighting

If I add few irrelevant facts

Forgive me

I already am manipulated

my next few decisions

Aren't within my control

You have me saying it

But I am trained to say so

You have me telling truth

But I am schooled to say so

You have me telling lies

But I was prepared to sell those

If your guts gave you courage

I want you to believe me

When I say believe me

If you doubt yourself right now

Do it

Wear off yourself

Do it

descrate yourself

Do it

Cleave the thoughts you holding

Do it (yourself)

Severely impotent right?

wait I know it's not you

And now you know it's not me

It as it is defined

Is gaslighting

It ain't red lettered alright ?

This definitely is narcissism.

NARCISSISM IS A RACE

summertime - my chemical romance / texas rezkinoff - mitski / my boy (twin fantasy) - car seat headrest / a world alone - lorde / the goldfinch - donna tartt / fast car - tracy chapman / once more to see you - mitski / the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us - sufjan stevens / wish you were here - pink floyd

on running away, on waiting, on escaping. on love.

“[One day] […] there will be no one alive who has ever known me. That’s when I will be truly dead–when I exist in no one’s memory. I thought a lot about how someone very old is the last living individual to have known some person or cluster of people. When that person dies, the whole cluster dies, too, vanishes from the living memory. I wonder who that person will be for me. Whose death will make me truly dead?”

— Irvin D. Yalom, from Love’s Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy (Basic Books, 1989)

Rebecca Solnit, Hope in the Dark

Eileen Myles, "Sleepless." I Must Be Living Twice: New and Selected Poems 1975 - 2014

[transcript: 1. “god, god, what do i do/after all this survival?” 2. “he was a miracle of moving parts, a study in survival.” 3. “her suffering was her armor. gradually it became her skin. then she could not take it off.” 4. “enduring things is what you do best. gritting your teeth and bearing them.” 5. “i am going to make it through this year if it kills me/i am going to make it through this year if it kills me.” end transcript.]

traci brimhall/maggie stiefvater/jeanette winterson/han kang/the mountain goats

Sophocles’ ELECTRA, in translation by:

George Theodoridis

Ian Johnston

R. C. Jebb

Anne Carson