Pope Francis Died Without Lezzing Out. Don't Let That Happen To You.

what if Damian wasn’t sent to Bruce by Talia and instead decided to do a bit of early child-rebellion by running away to him himself. Talia, pissed off but too busy dealing with uprisings in the league to go track him down herself, calls up the person Damian is most likely to listen to other than her; his brother, who she trusts to keep him safe.

the thing is, Jason is 1: busy with his own missions atm 2: was also once a rebellious little asshole who liked to run away from home. he was Damian’s tutor once, he knows the kid can handle himself and he also knows if he CAN’T handle something he’ll contact Jason for help. he knows this because about a week before Talia called him, Damian called him.

Jason, phone balanced between his ear and shoulder: what do you want, i’m undercover

Damian: i require money for a fake passport.

Jason:

Jason, letting go of the guy he was beating up: alright you have my attention.

Damian: i am running away from home. i wish to do something ‘for the lore’ like the stories you used to tell me as a child.

Jason:

Jason ‘i’m going to ethiopia’ Todd: there’s some stuff in the fake panel under my bed. don’t tell me where you’re going, i don’t want to be complicit when Talia calls. also don’t die, because if you do i’m gonna make you eat dirt once you get out of the pit.

Damian: understood. if i am about to die, i shall call again.

Jason: have fun kiddo.

so Jason tells Talia he’ll ‘keep an eye out for any leads’ and then goes back to his normal business. league missions, his own missions, some outlaw shit, and eventually he ends up crime lording it up in Gotham. he’s a little confused when Tim Drake is seen swinging around as Red Robin rather than just Robin, but he got over his obsession with the Robin shit a while ago, so he ignores it.

until he runs into Batman and Robin. and there isn’t a mask in the fucking world that could hide his kid brother’s face from him.

Red Hood:

Robin:

Red Hood:

Robin:

Batman: why are you two staring at each other like that. what’s happening.

Robin:

Red Hood: *deep sigh*

Robin: are you going to tell mother-

Red Hood: -when you said ‘like the stories i used to tell you’.

Robin: *looks at the floor*

Red Hood: i did NOT think you meant running to a different country to find your birth parent. you fucking COPIER.

Robin:

Robin: …but you made being Robin sound so cool…

Batman: what the fuck are you two talking about?

Red Hood, pointing: you stay out of this, this is family business.

Batman: ????

*insert the "Who broke it?" meme here*

I'm not a hater but so much shit is stupid

Talia, hands on waist : Why are there little handprints over the original Van Gogh's I just get?

LoA's Jason, covered of little paint handprints, whispering in Damian's ear : Why are there little handprints over the original Van Gogh's she just get?

2 y/o Damian, bathed in paint, whispering in Jason's ear : Because I have little hands.

LoA's Jason, to Talia : Because he has little hands.

had a dream that someone suggested the best gender neutral form of address would be Mþ (pronounced Myth) and i immediately said "mith me with that gay shit HEYOOO" and woke up at 4:30am hanging sideways off of my bed

after Dick being less than happy with being Jason’s older brother for so many years, i think Jason finding out about Damian and deciding fuck it it’s HIS turn to terrorise a younger sibling would be so funny. Damian is so sick of this man. Jason doesn’t even get to try having a secret identity because upon seeing him in Gotham Damian gets so tired so quickly that he outs him without thinking.

Batman: who are you?

Red Hood: *opens his mouth to say some kind of mysterious threat*

Robin, landing on the roof: Batman, i have successfully- OH GOD FUCK JASON NO. NO. GO HOME. GO BACK TO MOM. NO. NO.

Batman:

Red Hood:

Robin, turning to Batman: TELL HIM TO GO AWAY HE’S GOING TO START PUTTING SALT IN MY WATER AGAIN

Batman: …Jason?

Red Hood: Damian you little bitch i’ll put hair dye in your shampoo for this