Today I Love You

Your promises sweet like honey touching my lips filling my soul Let’s see  How long you can keep  your promises of love, respect and security 

I want to discover freedom rename the emptiness inside of my mind I start to understand that nobody ever said emptiness had to be filled to enjoy, to feel, to be it`s only an assumption a comforting picture the feeling of feeling fulfilled. we are used to fix and fill and fit get uncomfortable around unknown, around space because we desire comfort which isn’t freedom in the first place so at the end of the day how can we feel free when we try to fill ourselves only to avoid the void inside of us Isn't it the empty blue sky which let the sun enlight the day? Isn't it the open dark sky which let the moon guard the night? why don't we use the free space and instead of calling it emptiness let’s call it freedom instead of calling it loneliness let’s call it independence instead of searching let's call it finding

stranger

You are just a stranger I introduced to my heart so it feels less empty and I less alone

I am just a stranger you introduced to your heart so I would satisfy your needs and you would feel complete 

We are just two stranger who agreed to use each other  to fill our desires in the most egoistic way possible 

At least the pain shows

you were real

we were real

this was real

We said we would fight the distance We said  we would never give up We knew  it wouldn’t be easy but we hoped for the best We failed and buried our sweetly spoken promises under all the other  never forgotten lies. Only left are the memories remembering us painfully what of a sweet life  we promised each other

With you

time seems to be

half of an existence

In the beginning it passes quickly

Not even noticeable

And then infinity

distant soulmate

our timelines do not cross in a million lifetimes I am here, you are there you are here, I am gone only the lonesome nights we spend on our own letting us dream of something more

how to fall in love if there is nothing to fall for? and believe me a stolen laugh is not nearly enough to call our nothingness an illusion of love

empty faces

It is another kind of heartbreak to realize that I still haven’t found the soul I am searching for in the person, I hoped so much would reflect my perception of perfection after spending so much time searching in empty faces and beliving that this one has a heart that would mirror my own Just to see they are just another empty face in the crowd of lost lovers I got lost in as well Only this time I painted their face so it is easier to pretend and hold onto something that isn’t even there It is so tiring to search without finding or find without keeping because even if they leave it wouldn’t be their missing that would hurt but knowing that nothing has changed I am still on my journey through empty faces until finding the other wanderer who searches for a face in so much emptiness as well

It is insane how intense I feel  your skin on mine even after you left I feel your hands which grab me tight and close  like it wasn't your phantom which drives his fingers over my body 

How all the water in the world isn’t enough to clean my skin from your touches which imprinted on my body and cover me with paintings I could never draw on my own

I am not ready to lose this Not ready to discover another time Another time without you I am not willing to give you up Not willing to give up love the love which felt so safe I am not prepared to let you go Not prepared to move on move on and exist on my own Exist on my own on my own my own alone