”Dude, Stop Being Autistic.”

So, we’re dogsitting my aunt’s miniature poodle-something-or-other. Here’s a conversation my sister had with her this morning.

Dog: *Barks loud af at the window*

Sister: Dido, don’t be racist.

Now I don’t speak dog, but there’s two explanations for this. 1, my nine-year-old sister can speak to dogs, or 8, and slightly more plausible, there was a black or otherwise culturally different person walking down the sidewalk.

I’m choosing to believe that my little feral cat of a gremlin sister can speak dog.

our wisest scholars don’t know what yeet means.

Even our wisest scholars pale in comparison to the might of the common missile

I have bronchitis- maybe even pneumonia- and I’m dyeing my hair for the second time in two weeks

what even is my life

my brother hates the gays.

Let me extrapolate.

He was playing Fortnite the other day, and a player whose username was “IamGay” with a queer flag shirt and a GaY emote shot him.

My brother is mad at the gays because a random queer shot him in Fortnite and then did a gay emote.

I fricking love my brother.

I’d hate that person too.

Hold That Thought

This can't be happening

Not again

Just listen to me for once

This always happens

Stop it

Fuck I'm going to cry

What did you just say

I don't want it

Tell me you said no

“I hope we're soulmates in another universe”

This isn't fair

I want you in this one

Tell me you said no

We could be us

Why do you keep doing this

I just want you to want me as I am

Can you not see that I love you

Don't leave me alone here

I'm going to cry

We've always pretended that we're not us

I just want us to stop lying

No nightingales

You idiot

We could have been us

Don't bother

No one ever does

or, Alternatively,

So, you're finally awake, noona hoksi namjachingu isseoyo

so, you’re finally awake, onii-chan

Humans Are Crazy

Aliens have such different gender and biology from humans that none of them menstruate. So imagine this.

Alien: Human Steve, why did I find blood on the lavatory floor?

Steve: Oh, that's just Karen.

Alien: What??

Steve: Human females bleed from their reproductive organs once every month for five to seven days.

Alien: wHAT?!

Steve, calmly: Yeah, they can lose enough blood in a lifetime to kill ten grown men.

Alien: WHaT ?!?!

Karen, walking in: Steve, I need A FUCKING break. And chocolate. And a heating pad. I'll be in my sleeping quarters. Also, I threw up.

Steve: Okay, take the day off, I'll bring you your stuff in a bit.

Alien: *jots down in notebook* Human females are indestructible and fearsome. Regard them with respect.

EDIT: I swear, if this is the thing that makes me Tumblr famous, I’m gonna blow a braincell. And I don’t have many of those left, so…

Edit 2: Guys. Guys. What?! My grumpy menstrual rant is in no way worthy of being tumblr famous. *is mildly to severely confused/thankful/bumfuddled*

Edit 3: Why is this still getting notes wtf

neuvilette, the great otterworm justice of Fontaine

On his way to the court 🐉💨

So yes, I did another photoshoot! This plush is @nagarnia's Fluffli Plushie!