Aos Jim Js A Stealth Nerd. Someone Will Ask Him What His Favorite Book Is And He'll Put On A Condescending

and yet you hesitate.

you have 6 seconds to pass me that blunt before i threaten to kill myself

VI: THE LOVERS

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Literature transcends the boundaries of time and space, letting us know we are not alone in our adversities.

When you read Sylvia Plath’s fig tree analogy, you understand that you are not the first human to feel like your existence will crumble down like ash because of your inability to choose. When you read Santiago’s tale by Hemingway, you know that there is grace and dignity even in loss. When you read Kafka, you realise that there was someone else like you who felt like he couldn't explain his soul to others.

Is there a greater companionship in this world than the ink of a human’s vulnerability? Even in the pits of isolation, we are never alone.

only 5 seconds

When you don't get invited :(

“Sean was very much Sam for me. You know, always looking after me, being there for me.” - Elijah Wood (2001) // “Well, I felt very, um… protective over Elijah, for no reason. He could take care of himself fine.” - Sean Astin (2012)

the lover’s song, the song of death.

Carol Ann Duffy, The Bees; from ‘The Woman in the Moon’

☠ - angry/violent headcanon, ahsoka!

I hope you don’t mind but somehow it turned a bit longer than I have planned but while writing I get inspired by Polish song “Dorosłe Dzieci” (more or less Adult Children) that always gives me too much feelings, especially about all young padawans/Jedi & clones thrown into war. So, here, my headcanon about Ahsoka and stages oof her anger:

Ahsoka wasn’t prone to anger by nature. She was very bright child, who loved - and was loved - unconditionally. There was nothing to be angry about when she lived with family on her native planet. At least until bad people showed up one day and took her away from safe home.

She didn’t feel anger then, not really, because cold fear filled her up; she was so small and  helpless. But the Jedi came  and saved her from bad people, and her parents decided she would be much safer at Jedi Temple, so little Ahsoka agreed. She connected to Jedi in a way she never did with anyone. There was no anger at her family. Something inside her mind, some voice she never heard before but knew it means no harm to her, said it’s right thing to do.

When she grew up in Jedi Temple, she was told that anger is bad. It corrupts a good person and leads to the Dark Side. Jedi never should act on such emotion, never should feel it. The lack of passion, lack of emotions is what makes person a good Jedi. Ahsoka wanted to be a good Jedi, so she never questioned her teachers. They were after all masters, older and wiser than her.

Then came war.

At first, Ahsoka was excited. She trained her whole life to serve Republic and in her young mind she already saw all the great adventures awaiting her, all the chances to prove how good Jedi she was. She wasn’t chosen as padawan by anyone for years, and the older she grew the more she feared that Council will finally sent her away, far, far away from Temple, from people she knew, from things she understand. She wasn’t angry at the thought though, just  scared to be the drop out, the failure. The members of Jedi Council were wise. Wiser than anyone else. There was no point to be angry at their decision. Being angry would only prove she wasn’t worth to be Jedi. Simple.

After all, she was chosen by no one else than Anakin Skywalker. The one rumored to be special among Jedi. Destined to do great things. Ahsoka was willing to do everything to prove she was worth the honor. Only to learn, he did never ask for padawan.

She was frustrated, yes. Not angry. Anger was bad and after all, she was where master Yoda ordered her to be. He said, she was meant to be his student, and she would not have it any other way. But the first mission wasn’t that great fun like she imagined. People were dying. She almost died too. But she survived and was accepted as padawan by Skywalker. Everything seemed to be alright.

Except it wasn’t.

The more days passed, the more tightly something clutched her inside. Ahsoka wasn’t prone to anger by nature, but which every battle, she fought more furious. It wasn’t anger, she kept thinking, while cutting droids in half, while piercing through the living body of enemies. Killing people once seemed so cruel, so devastating, so overwhelming, she couldn’t think straight for days. Now, it was nothing to dwell on. She was protecting her troopers, her comrades. Dead enemy couldn’t kill them,  couldn’t hurt anyone anymore.

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